Page 28 of The Yips

“Have you ever done that before?” She asked without judgment.

I frowned, “No, but watching you yesterday, I didn’t realize these snaps would be so difficult.”

“Thank you for trying. Do you want me to help?”

“Can you talk me through it? I want to be able to help you with him.” Her expression was unreadable as she watched me. It took her a second as she absorbed what I had said before she came over to where I was trying and failing to change Crew.

She calmly assessed what I was doing and guided me without hovering over me. Once he was changed, I passed him to her. He wouldn’t be easily distracted with the facecloth much longer. The boy was hungry.

“How did you sleep?” I asked her.

“So good,” she said with a giant sigh. “I’m sorry I panicked last night. He’s never had a fever, and I thought the worst was happening.”

I hesitated before I responded, “I’m glad you didn’t go through that alone.”

She absently held Crew’s hand and watched him as he nursed. I wished I could read her mind when she was quiet and pensive. “Isn’t all this too much for you?”

“If you had asked me that question a month ago, I would have said yes. I know nothing about babies, but it feels natural and comfortable when I’m with you guys. And when you’re not around, I look forward to being with you.”

“He’s young enough now where he won’t remember youif you leave. You said you planned to pursue me, whether I take the deal or not. But please don’t bother if you’re not sure you want to stick around. And yes, I know that’s asking a lot. But I need to watch out for both of us.”

“Understood.”

My phone vibrated with a response from Monica.

Monica: I changed your flight. I will send you an updated boarding pass. You’ve both been checked in.

Me: Thank you.

“That was Monica, my flight has been changed. I’m flying back with both of you. Monica will also send you an e-mail with the itinerary for the next few weeks. You don’t need to decide right away, though. We have a homestand next week, followed by a three-game series in New York. After that, I’m headed to Texas for the All-Star game and then to spend time with my sister. On a personal note, if you come to New York or Texas, you will end up meeting my family, and I would like to introduce you as the woman I’m dating.”

“I’m not comfortable with you paying me. But I also can’t afford to pay rent, save for school, or support my son if I’m constantly traveling with you. My parents have been trying to get me to move back home, and stubbornly, I’ve rebelled. I should be thankful that they can help, but instead, I feel like a giant failure.”

“Kelsey, the Boston real estate market is insane. It’s not a failure; it’s a smart financial decision.”

“I’m not telling you this to make you feel better; I just want you to understand that I can’t make this decisionimpulsively. A year ago, if I’d met you and you asked me to follow you, I would have packed my bags without a second thought. If it were just my heart, I’d risk it.”

“Maybe I haven’t been clear, but I’m also at risk. You’re either going to own me or wreck me.”

CHAPTER 25

Kelsey

My head spun with everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. From the clothing Monica had delivered to the red bottom shoes that I would never have dreamed of wearing and suspected would cover next month’s rent, the dinner, and the kiss. That kiss had curled my toes and left me panting for more, and had Avery not called? It would have been so much more. This increased my guilt at not being there for Crew when he needed his mom. It was the first time I had put myself first since he was born, and I’d failed him.

Sam said and did all the right things, but did he understand everything that getting involved with me would entail? It wasn’t about playing house with a cute baby. But his words, his actions, everything was screaming that he was safe, but was that only because it was what I wanted to see? Was my exhaustion from being so goddamned alone throughout pregnancy, birth, and the last four months driving me to seek out the first person who offered me help?

My attraction to Sam was far more intense than I’d ever experienced. I couldn’t begin to comprehend his wealth orstatus. But none of that drew me to him. That was all about him, who he was at his essence. Sam anticipated my needs and Crew’s needs and helped without being asked.

My family would be of no help. I sensed that my father was so enamored with the idea that I was spending time with an athlete he idolized that he couldn’t separate that and give me an honest assessment. Kylie didn’t understand that I couldn’t seek pure fun when it involved Crew. My mom wasn’t much help either; she had always taught her kids to make their own decisions. Kendra lost the right to any opinion by continuing to make hurtful comments about how I ended up in this situation. I had allowed her judgment to affect me once, and I had grown strong enough that I didn’t need her input into my life.

All of this passed through my mind as I stared at Sam as he declared that I had the power to wreck him. At the same time, I was relieved that he would be on the flight back with me. This alone should have set off alarm bells. I couldn’t afford to get comfortable with help if he only planned to disappear in a few months. I couldn’t allow myself to need someone else. If I did, I’d only end up hurt.

“Kels, what are you thinking?” Sam’s concern etched across his face.

“I’m scared.” Two words summed up all the jumbled thoughts that kept repeating in my brain.

“So am I. I don’t know how to change a diaper; my schedule is hectic, and I haven’t ever had a serious, adult relationship. I understand that this is all or nothing; for me, it’s already too late to choose nothing.”

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