Page 29 of The Yips

“Sam, I don’t understand what I’ve done for you to be so ready to jump into this with me. I’m a walking red flag for a guy like you. I’m a broke, uneducated, single mother.”

Sam swallowed audibly, “I have never seensomeone as strong and competent as you. What you have done with these barriers around you is amazing. I want to see what you can do if I help you remove some of those barriers.”

My brain was starting to feel like it was going to explode, my anxiety was beginning to ramp up, and I needed an outlet. My heart started to pound, my palms were sweating, and I would be in full panic if I couldn’t get this under control.

“Sam, I’m minutes away from having a panic attack,” I said as I worked to slow my breathing. “I need to think but also work off the excess energy. I usually run, but I don’t have my jogging stroller.”

“Go, I can handle him.” He answered without hesitation.

There wasn’t much of an option. Before my pregnancy, I had been on anti-anxiety meds, and I didn’t want to take anything while breastfeeding. The rhythmic breathing and meditation that a run afforded would hopefully be what I needed to get this in check. I closed my eyes briefly, took a deep breath, and tried again to reign it in.

“Okay, I gotta go.”

I rifled through my packed clothes, changed into running shorts, a sports bra, and a tank top, and laced up my sneakers. I kissed Crew goodbye and promised that I wouldn’t be long. Forty-five minutes later, I was back at the suite and felt like a completely different person. My breathing had leveled, the tension in my body had released, and my thoughts were less frantic. Sam and Crew were on the floor playing; they had every toy I’d brought with us strewn out on the playmat, and Crew ripped out a belly laugh.

“I see he’s showing you his new tricks.” Sam studied me as I re-entered the suite. I might have been dripping with sweat, but I sensed his relief when he saw how I’d recovered.

“Feeling better?”

“Much better. I was able to think. It’s hard to explain, but without a physical outlet, it just gets too loud.”

“Do you see someone for your anxiety?”

“I do. But while I’m breastfeeding, I’m trying not to medicate. When I get quiet or withdraw, it’s because my brain is on overdrive, and I’m trying to make sense of what it’s trying to say. It’s tough to make a good decision when I can so very clearly see all the worst-case scenarios and devastating consequences of making the wrong decision.”

“My sister, Josie, has anxiety; I should have recognized it. I’m sorry I pushed you.”

“No, I don’t want people to walk on eggshells. I need to take ownership of my own mental health. I didn’t want you to think I was running away from you. But while I was running, I could think about what you said. I can’t say that I believe in fate, but I think there is a reason you ended up in my Uber and then again at my bar. I can’t explain the rest of it at all. But yeah, let’s see where this goes.”

“Yeah?” he asked.

I nodded, and a huge grin broke out across his face.

CHAPTER 26

Sam

We didn’t have much time that morning to relax before we needed to head to the airport. I reluctantly returned to my suite to pack up my belongings, having promised to be back before we needed to go to the airport to help her.

As I zipped up my suitcase, Josie texted me. I opened it to find a photo of Kelsey and me holding hands as we left the restaurant last night. The brief caption noted my name and that I’d been seen with a mystery woman.

Josie: Is this your good luck charm?

Me: Her name is Kelsey, but if you are referring to the perfect game, yes, that’s her.

Josie: She’s really young, Sam.

Me: Twenty-one.

Josie: Wow. We’ll see more of her, won’t we?

Me: I hope so. I’ve asked her to travel with me for the rest of the season. She has limitations with work and the baby, but she’s looking into it.

Josie: You’ve always been so cautious. This is so unlike you. I hope you know what you’re doing.

Me: If all goes well, you’ll host all of us for a night while I’m in Texas.

Josie: Aren’t you in New York next week?

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