Page 40 of The Yips

Ihad dropped Sam off in Beacon Hill weeks ago on that fateful night when he ended up in my Uber. Growing up in Boston, I knew this was one of the most expensive neighborhoods in the city. What I had seen outside his home hadn’t prepared me for what I saw once I walked through the doors.

Sam had access to a garage space, a luxury I could only dream of as I spent most nights circling the block trying to find street parking.

“I have two spots in the garage. Remind me to give you the fob so you can get in next time.”

I could feel the weight of everything as I started to feel overwhelmed. “Oh, thank you.”

“What’s on your mind, Kelsey?”

“Um, nine million things all at once.”

“What can I do to help?”

“It’s not on you. It’s a combination of nerves and excitement.”

“Second thoughts?”

“Not at all,” I answered honestly. I felt grounded by Sam,and it was the rest of what was around us that added to my anxiety.

“Ok, let’s get inside then.”

Sam unstrapped Crew and scooped his sleeping body out of his chair. Crew stirred but stayed asleep as I pulled out our overnight bag and followed Sam out of the garage and onto the street. We had a short walk to the steps outside his brick-front home. The neighborhood was quiet, minus the drunken revelers that often hung out on the streets outside my apartment at this time of night.

Sam unlocked the door one-handed, pushed it open, and stood aside so I could walk ahead of him. I stopped in my tracks as soon as he turned the lights on.

“Sam? Is this all one townhouse? You live here all by yourself?”

“I guess I’m only now realizing how ridiculous that is. Let me show you the master bedroom and the room I set up for Crew.”

I followed him up the stairs and into a master bedroom with a private balcony and an adjoining nursery. The room had a fireplace, which wasn’t unheard of in an older home. Most of the houses in his neighborhood were built in the early 1800s, and it was common to need a fireplace for heat. Many of these homes had since been modernized, and the fireplaces were decorative only.

I pictured myself having coffee in the morning on the balcony or making love in front of the fireplace on a cool fall morning, and I quickly shook my head to erase the thought.

The adjoining nursery was set up as a sitting area with a giant, cozy chair and a bookcase full of books. The bassinet I had used in Minnesota had been set up and ready for Crew to sleep. I imagined nursing Crew in that chair before heading off to bed. Was it overwhelming? Yes,but every detail was so uniquely Sam and comfortable. Not a hint of coldness.

Crew stirred and started rooting against Sam’s arm. “He’s hungry, right?”

“Yeah. I usually nurse him once more at this time, and then he’s good until about five.” I answered and reached to take him from Sam.

“Are you thirsty?” Sam asked. “I’m going to get a glass of water. Do you need anything?”

“Water would be perfect.” I was always thirsty. It was as if Crew drew every bit of moisture from my body. Crew ate quickly, and I was changing him for bed when Sam returned with my water.

“Do you mind if I take a shower? I feel a little gross from the stadium.” It had been hot and humid that night, and Crew kept me even warmer in his infant carrier.

“Why don’t you go now, and I’ll see if I can get him down by myself.”

“Really?” Sam hadn’t shied away from much, but putting a baby down to sleep was never easy. “Do you know what you’re signing up for?”

“Yeah, let me try. Worst case, he’s still awake after you get out. But I’d like to be able to help you. I feel useless standing here watching you do everything.”

I finished snapping Crew’s pajamas and asked Sam to show me the master bathroom. It had a steam shower, clawfoot tub, and an attached walk-in closet with a laundry room. His bathroom was legitimately as big as my entire apartment. I turned on the shower and let my clothes fall to the floor, folding the jersey on the vanity and remembering Sam’s request, shivering in anticipation.

When I stepped into the shower, I was surrounded by jets of warm water that rinsed the remnants of the ballparkoff of my body. I grabbed my favorite body wash, soaped up my body, washed, rinsed, and conditioned my hair. When I stepped out of the shower, I saw Sam sitting on the balcony chair as he scrolled on his phone. He’d gotten Crew to sleep. I clenched my eyes shut and willed myself not to get attached. After I dried myself and towel dried my hair on the softest, plushest towels I’d ever used, I put on the jersey I had worn to the game and slipped on the heels as he’d requested.

Sam dropped his phone when he realized I’d left the bathroom and met my gaze as I walked over to where he sat. I stood before him and felt his eyes rove over my body.

“I was right. It’s so much better than I imagined.”

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