Page 46 of The Yips

We both stretched by the car, and Crew was getting hungry. Sam pulled him out of the stroller before he started to yell, “Do you need to feed him now, or do you think he can wait until we get back to my place?”

“Can you turn the car on and get the air going? I should feed him now. He will likely fall asleep in his car seat, and we can transfer him to the crib once we get back.”

Sam didn’t need a second lesson on the stroller, and while I nursed Crew, he had packed the stroller back into his ridiculously small trunk. His car was gorgeous and probably flew on the highway, but it was completely impracticalwith Crew in tow. I guess it also didn’t make sense in the city either.

“I initially asked Monica for adjoining suites in New York with your dad in his own room. That was before, well, last night. Would you want to share a suite? I can pack the monitor for the baby. The only thing that might be uncomfortable is your dad knowing we’re sharing.”

“Uh, I hadn’t thought about that. But I think both my parents will need to get used to me living my life once I move back home. They also wouldn’t peg me for innocent,” I gestured to Crew. “Have you ever had anyone walk in on you in the act?”

“Not in the act, but when I was sixteen, my mom walked in right after I jerked off. I covered everything before she opened the door, but I was flustered. My mom isn’t stupid.”

“My older sister, Kendra, caught me with my high school boyfriend. Honestly, it would have been better if it had been my mother. My mom would never have discussed it over dinner for the entire family. Kendra swore she only meant to make sure I took precautions, but she was always more motherly than a sister should be. Kylie and I were best friends, and I think taking on this role was a way for Kendra to carve out a different relationship with us.”

“What did your father say?”

“He went beat red, stammered, and then excused himself. My parents had tried to raise us to understand that we had bodily autonomy. But talking about the hypothetical and then being faced with the fact that your sixteen-year-old daughter had done the deed are two very different things.”

“My parents were divorced when I was about twelve and Josie was about ten. The custody agreement required that my dad only have supervised visits because of his drinking.Gramps was usually there, and as shitty as my father could be, he never missed a little league game or show for Josie.”

Crew had fallen asleep while nursing, and I woke him up to burp him before strapping him back into the car seat. He looked up at me with that dazed, milk-drunk expression I loved so much. Sam put the car in drive and held his hand out to me; I slipped my hand into his, interlacing our fingers as we drove back to his place.

“Are you hungry?” Sam asked.

“Starving. Do you have anything for me to cook in that showplace of a kitchen?”

“Egg whites and turkey bacon?”

“Really? That’s what I have to work with?”

“There’s plenty of vegetables, and I have fresh fruit. But during the season, I try to do better.”

“Except when you have a burger and beer at my bar.”

“I don’t think you understand the depths of despair I was in that night. After dozens of medical tests, I had just left a meeting with my pitching coach and was told I might have the Yips. I wasn’t sure I had a career, never mind a season.”

“Is that why you were drinking the night you were in my Uber?” I was still trying to reconcile that man with the one who had been showing up for me since that night.

“No, that had been a good game, but my father had pushed me over the edge. Every regret he has from how his career ended influences our relationship. He’s hyper-focused on every pitch I throw and can never compliment me on a good game, I always need to do better. Whiskey is his drink of choice, which adds to how wrong that night was.”

“What do you do in the off-season?”

“Well, I usually spend the first few weeks either at homedoing absolutely nothing or on vacation for the first few weeks. It sounds strange to travel again after eight months of sleeping in so many different cities, but I do my best to do nothing for those vacations. I only bought my place last winter. Before that, I lived in Seattle.”

“Wow, that’s as far as you can get from your family.”

“Yeah, my father wasn’t the only one disappointed that I signed with Boston instead of New York.”

“Did Boston offer you more money?” As happy as I was that Sam had ended up here, I understood New York had a better chance at the playoffs in the immediate future.

“No, actually, New York had the most competitive offer. But after spending my entire life trying to live up to my father’s legacy, I wanted to draw a line between us and make my name.”

Sam had pulled his car into the parking garage and slipped it into its assigned spot. He grabbed my diaper bag while I carried the baby in and put him down to sleep. I took the monitor down to the first floor, where Sam had started to prepare breakfast. I jumped in to help him chop vegetables.

“This is one of those mornings where hunger has eclipsed my desperate need for a shower.”

“You’re not getting in that shower alone,” Sam said.

“I was thinking more about what we could do on the roof?”

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