Page 49 of The Yips

Sam

After this morning, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I had learned that Kelsey often spoke more in silence than she did with words, but hearing her ask me to safeguard her and Crew’s hearts busted down every last protective wall I had around my own.

“I’m trying like hell not to jump in and take things over for you guys. It goes against my nature to watch you struggle, knowing that you’ll close the bar tomorrow night while I sit on a bench in the bullpen and then jump in my car to come back here.”

“Why do you need to take care of us?” she asked.

“Because I can. I want you to be able to be with Crew without worrying about whether you have enough to pay your electric bill. I want you to be able to focus on building an amazing non-profit that will help countless Boston women without being exhausted from working at the bar and then coming home to a sleepless infant. Being a mom is already a full-time job, and I want you to have a choice inhow you do it.” Left unsaid, because taking care of someone else gave me control over a situation.

“That’s a massive risk for me. What happens if you realize Crew and I are too much for you? Then we have nothing.”

“See if you can take a leave, Kelsey. It's just through the end of the baseball season. Give me until then to prove you can count on me. In the meantime, you and Avery can work on the non-profit, and maybe by then, you can collect a salary from it.” Even as these words came out of my mouth, I worried they might be too much for her. Had I gone too far?

“Sam, so many of these women work at bars, some at strip clubs, and others pay their bills through Only Fans. I don’t want to convey that I don’t value their work or that something is wrong with their jobs. What is the message? Do you look down on me because of how I made money?”

“No! Kelsey, I would never look down on anyone who worked as hard as you. Shit. Please don’t tell me you feel that way?”

Kelsey searched my face, “No, I don’t. But that’s the problem. These women fight for survival in a world that doesn’t value them. I mean, no one wants a woman to terminate a pregnancy, but damned if they do anything but make their lives harder once the baby is born. Women are constantly punished for being sexual or derided for not being sexual enough, but where are the men?”

Kelsey sucked in a breath before continuing, “And no, Sam. You are so clearly one of the good guys. But every single woman out there has had a bad experience thanks to one of the bad guys. And here I am, trying to raise a son and hoping that I do it right, that this boy stays good because right now he is one of the purest humans I know.”

“Kelsey, you can do this, you know. You are going to beable to help more of these women faster if you can get the non-profit running. You aren’t able to help anyone if you work yourself to the bone.”

“And what happens between now and the end of the season? Are you just going to pay to support us? Should I plan to live off the gold card Monica sent to me? Do I leave my insurance bill on the nightstand, and everything is magically taken care of?”

This was all headed south. I kept digging myself further and further into the hole with her. “Kelsey, I throw a ball for a living. This fucked up society we live in has determined that I can earn a ridiculous sum of money for it. I see what you do at work, with Crew, and even getting to work requires more planning than anything I have to do, and I travel almost weekly. Yeah, I don’t particularly appreciate seeing you work that hard, and I think we both can agree that Crew would benefit from you being home with him.”

“I need some time to think this through. I’m having difficulty wrapping my head around everything that happened in the last month. Remember when the $500 tip from some psycho in my Uber padded my savings account enough to provide security? It’s like you’ve come into my life, waved a magic wand, and now everything I never thought I could dare to hope for is here for the taking. Want to go to school? Done. Stay home with your son? Done. Everything I would never have thought possible, you are offering me. I want it so badly, but what if this doesn’t work? What if we don’t work, Sam? If I get used to it, I won’t be able just to go back to my old life.”

“Take whatever time you need. Think it through. Meet my family and see my city. Let me spoil you next week, then you can decide.”

“What time do you need to be at the stadium tomorrow?” She asked, changing the subject.

“I have a workout in the afternoon and will be there through the end of the game.”

“Can I ask you a stupid question? Why don’t pitchers hit?”

I then spent the next forty-five minutes explaining the difference between the two leagues and the function of the designated hitter. Kelsey was almost as focused on what I was saying to her as Crew.

“I love watching his focus on every word out of your mouth,” she said, smoothing Crew’s fluffy, baby hair patch. “You could probably read him a shopping list, and he would be enthralled.”

“Speaking of lists, is there anything you need from your place to stay the night?” Please say you’ll stay another night.

“Huh, is that an invitation?”

“You have an open invitation. And while I wouldn’t hesitate to send Monica a shopping list, and she’d probably have it to you within the hour, I figured it might be easier for you to go home and get what you need instead.”

“Okay, let’s go to my place. Crew needs some clean clothes. Would you mind if I used your washing machine? I’m getting behind, and if I don’t do at least a load today, I won’t be able to catch up.”

“Only if I get to pair up all the baby socks. It does something for my OCD.”

“We have enough baby socks to keep you busy. Be careful what you wish for.”

CHAPTER 45

Kelsey

While Sam used the bathroom, I texted Kylie. So much had happened since we last talked, and I was on the precipice of making a major decision without her input. Was I really considering this? Was I fucking nuts?

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