Page 55 of The Yips

“Maybe we all agree to protect all our hearts? Yours, mine, his, if any of us is hurting Kelsey, we’re all hurting.”

“Sam, I said I loved you earlier and meant it. How is it that what I felt earlier was nothing compared to what I’m feeling now? It’s like I fell, I’m falling, and there’s no end to how far I will fall for you.”

“Will you let me love you guys too?”

“Yes.”

“Thank God.” I exhaled and caught her eyes again, “Are you clear on what that entails?”

“Meaning I sit on my ass and eat bonbons all day?” she asked, joking.

I rolled my eyes at her attempt at a joke. “Oh please, I doubt you could lounge around all day if you tried. It means we all take care of each other.”

“Or you do all the taking care of everything.”

“That’s why I have Monica. But I usually get worked up before spending time with my father. For the first time since I was a kid, I feel emotionally prepared to deal with his shit. Do you know why? Because I know you’ll be sitting at the table next to me. Do you understand what that meansto me?”

We both finished rinsing, turned the water off, and wrapped ourselves in towels to dry. Kelsey paused before speaking, “I don’t know if you should trust me not to tell him off.”

“It would do him good to hear the hard truth. I’ve got too many years of avoiding him and shielding myself emotionally from him. I’ve been holding out for him to quit drinking since my mother left him. Josie and I thought that would be a wake-up call for him, but it got worse. I always thought he drank to punish my mother for leaving him.”

“You understand I don’t want him around Crew if he's drinking?”

“I do. And I don’t want him around him either. I won’t put either of you in that position.”

We dressed for bed and had only just turned back the covers when Crew’s fussing sounded through the monitor.

“Let me,” I said, moving to go get him from the nursery.

“I can nurse him in there.”

“Nah, I kinda want to cuddle both of you for a bit.”

CHAPTER 49

Kelsey

Ipromised Sam I would be at his place when the game ended. I turned on the television and listened to the game in the background while I worked on the proposal. Crew played contentedly with his toys on a playmat for most of the afternoon, and when he went to sleep, I took Sam’s advice and curled up with the trashiest romance novel I could find in the bookstore earlier that afternoon.

I texted Sam at the store earlier to let him know I used the AMEX card. I didn’t hear back from him until after the game ended, and he checked his phone.

Sam: Good. Now, please do me a favor and don’t ask permission again. I also don’t want a play-by-play of every coffee, book, or pair of shoes you buy.

Me: I like to stick to a budget, though.

Sam: The limit on the card is $100K. If you need more than that, then let me know.

My heart rate spiked. Why the fuck did anyone need to spend that much money a month?

Me: Jesus Christ, Sam. A month?

Sam: Monica is having a Visa sent in your name, too, in case you can’t use the AMEX.

Me: Are you trying to overwhelm me?

Sam: No, just stating facts. There is nothing that you can put on the card that would make me regret giving it to you.

Breathe, Kelsey. I talked myself down from the ledge.

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