Page 30 of Faking It (and falling in love)

Philippa raised her eyebrows. “Yeah,” said Alex. “I try not to talk about it. It was bad. I’m still working it all through. I’m not as good at this as you are. And I’ve not been able to maintain asgood a relationship with my ex-wife as you have with your ex-husband.”

“I didn’t realise,” said Philippa. That must be who Seren was. “That makes more sense now. And I guess our situations are quite different. I’m not heartbroken over the end of a marriage to someone I essentially hadn’t lived with for years. He’d worked away for so long, it was like we separated long ago.”

“I guess. But what I’m saying is, I’m a bit of a mess,” said Alex. “You deserve better than that. Especially as you haven’t had a relationship with a woman before. You don’t need my baggage.”

“Hmmm,” said Philippa. “I’m not sure anyone over thirty comes without baggage. And if they do, they’ve probably led a very dull life. But I do understand what you’re saying.”

The rain was getting lighter, more of a drizzle now.

“Will you come back to the bar?” asked Alex.

“Would you mind if I didn’t?” said Philippa. “While I know we’ve just had a very grown-up conversation about all this, I have to confess that I need a bit of time to process it. I loved kissing you, and I laid my heart a bit bare there. I could do with taking a bit of time.”

“Totally,” said Alex. “And again, I’m sorry. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret kissing you, but it was poor timing and in the wrong place. In another time and place this could have been different.”

Philippa gave a half smile. “Yeah,” she said. “Tell your friends it was lovely meeting them. You can tell them I had an emergency with Dottie, or something.”

“Sure,” said Alex, who looked sad now. “Can we still be friends?”

“I really hope so,” said Philippa, who could feel the sadness begin to overtake her as well. Worse, she thought for a momentshe might actually cry, and she had no intention of doing that in front of Alex. “I’m going to jump in that taxi.”

Alex patted her shoulder awkwardly. “Text me when you get in.”

“I will,” said Philippa, quickly turning to wave at the black cab. She climbed in and it sped away, leaving Alex on the pavement, her wavy hair dripping down her back, her face unreadable.

Philippa’s head was spinning. That had, without question, been the best kiss of her life. Her whole body had responded to it in a way she’d never expected or even thought possible. It was less mechanical than any kiss she’d ever shared with her husband, and it was imbued with more emotion. She was relieved to know that it had been real for Alex, too, but disappointed that Alex couldn’t see herself as able to have a meaningful relationship at the moment. That was the hardest part. But she knew she owed it to her daughter to make sensible choices.

Philippa texted Chrissie to see if she was still up. She needed some kind of debrief from the evening’s revelations. Chrissie replied quickly, and she advised the driver to take her straight there.

Chapter Twenty-Two

“So, she kissed you, and she meant it, but you’re only fake dating her?” said Chrissie, her head on one side.

“Yes,” said Philippa, pressing her lips together. “When you say it like that it all sounds very adolescent.” She sighed. “But, crucially, she kissed me. And I kissed her. And it was amazing.” She folded the towel Chrissie had given to her to dry her hair when she arrived.

“Well, I’m here for that.” Chrissie smiled. “But explain to me again, why it is that Alex doesn’t want to date you.”

Philippa cupped her hands around the tea Chrissie had brewed. It was too late for coffee, even for Philippa. “She says she’s got stuff going on and she’s still heartbroken over her ex-wife – Seren or someone.” She took a sip of her drink. “And I respect her honesty. But I must confess it’s acutely frustrating to have met someone I’m attracted to, who’s attracted to me, but who can’t follow it up.”

“Or won’t,” said Chrissie.

“Well, yes,” said Philippa. “You think she’s a player, don’t you? I can see it in your face.” She pursed her lips.

“No,” said Chrissie. “No, that’s not what I’m thinking. I promise. I just wonder whether someone with that much going on is good for you to be with anyway? It sounds like she was honest with you for very good reasons. She knows she’s not in the right place. And I think that’s good.”

“Yeah,” chimed in Nisha’s voice from the other room. Her head appeared around the door to the kitchen, where Philippa and Chrissie were sat at the table. “I couldn’t help but overhear. Sounds like she’s got complications, but she’s owning them. It sucks though that your first kiss will also be your last – with her at least.”

Philippa smiled at Nisha, who was always good at telling it like it was. “It does indeed suck.”

“I need to introduce you to my footy team, there are a couple of likely girlfriend prospects there, I reckon,” said Nisha with a wicked grin.

“Um, girlfriend prospects?” said Chrissie, her eyebrows raised in faux annoyance.

“For lovely Philippa, darling, not for me, of course. I have you. I couldn’t possibly want anyone else,” replied Nisha with a wink.

“Apart from Cate Blanchett,” said Chrissie with a laugh.

“True,” said Nisha, “but who among us couldn’t say the same?”

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