Page 37 of Faking It (and falling in love)

Philippa could feel anger rising inside her. “And have you ever been chaotic in a way that has harmed Seren?” Alex shook her head. “And do you have an endless line of women parading through your house while Seren’s there?” Again, Alex shook her head. Philippa huffed. “Then it’s a load of crap. She’s talking absolute nonsense. Trust me, I know about this stuff.”

“I know,” said Alex, dropping her head. “But it’s all very well knowing that. Actually making things change, or challenging Jess, is way harder than I ever thought it would be. It’s been so hard these last few months, even to see Seren for more than a few hours at a time.” Alex looked up, tears filling her eyes. Philippa reached out an arm and put it around her friend’s shoulders. “You don’t have children in order not to see them. Even she asks me why I haven’t been around. She thinks I’ve abandoned her, and I swear I haven’t.” A tear tracked down her cheek.

They sat together, side by side in silence for a few minutes. Philippa’s brain had immediately gone into solutions mode, but she knew that, for the moment, Alex needed her just to be there, to hear her. “And today?” said Philippa, her voice low.

“Today, Jess texted saying I should take Seren to this party, so I dropped everything and did it. I’ll do anything to see her,” said Alex. “Anything.”

Philippa pressed her lips together. “This is incredibly unfair, not only to you, but also to your daughter. I’m so sorry, Alex. And I’m sorry you didn’t feel you could tell me about it before.”

“It’s not you,” said Alex. “It’s just that if I want to talk about Seren, I can’t avoid talking about the fact that I struggle to get to see her, and I really don’t want to. I like you, you’re really cool. And in another time and place things could have been different between us.”

Philippa felt the words like a punch to her stomach. Alex continued. “I just wanted to be me, without all that baggage, especially given how amazing a mum you are to Dottie.”

“Ha,” said Philippa with a chuckle, “you weren’t there at the weekend when my child informed me that I was a workaholic.”

“She’s got you bang to rights,” said Alex, bringing her own hand up to hold Philippa’s. “Anyway, I need to go back in. I want to make the most of being with Seren. I have to take her back as soon as the party ends.”

“Hmm,” said Philippa. “Do you?” They stood up, breaking contact, and walked towards the hall. “How about if we sneak off before the party’s over and take Seren and Dottie for milkshake. You can text Jess and tell her a friend’s parent invited you both out. I’ll come back with you, if you like.”

Chapter Twenty-Six

“Milkshake does seem to be the most valuable currency among kids of this age,” said Alex, who had opted for a caramel latte instead. The Vine was bustling and busy.

“Just be grateful it isn’t vapes,” said Dottie, who was sitting next to her.

Philippa and Alex dissolved into laughter. “You make a good point, m’lady,” said Alex. “We definitely prefer milkshake to vapes. Or indeed heroin.”

“What’s heroin?” asked Seren.

“A heroine,” said Dottie, enjoying every bit of being two years older than her new companion, “is a woman who is a hero to others. So I’m not sure why your mum thinks they’re less valuable than milkshake. For example, Harriet Tubman helped Black people escape slavery.”

“Indeed she did,” said Philippa, placing her hand gently on her daughter’s. This was all in danger of unravelling. “Seren, maybe you could tell us about your karate class? I hear that’s how you know Hardev.”

“Yes, well,” Seren began, her voice significantly quieter than Dottie’s, “I’m working towards my blue belt.”

“Ooh, that sounds good,” said Dottie. Seren smiled, gaining confidence and warming to her theme.

As the girls fell naturally into conversation, Philippa turned to Alex, who was opposite her at the table. “You look worried,” said Philippa.

“Honestly,” said Alex, “I am. For all the reasons I said before.” She looked over at her daughter to check she wasn’t paying any attention to the adult conversation. “I try not to change plans with Jess because I tend to reap a lot of stress and strain afterwards.”

“I get it,” said Philippa, “but tell me something. Does Jess ever change her plans on you?”

“Constantly,” said Alex, a wry smile on her face. “Ok, I see your point. Look, let’s not talk about her. It’s nice to see you. Thank you for pushing me out of my comfort zone.”

“It’s nice to see you, too,” said Philippa, her heart filling with empathy for what Alex was going through. Suddenly everything was making much more sense.

Alex smiled. “Yeah. I’ve been working on some designs for your bid. I’m hopeful that they’ll fit the bill. I’ll send them over to the lovely Sienna tomorrow.”

“Oh, the lovely Sienna?” said Philippa, feeling torn between teasing Alex and actual jealousy.

“Not my type,” said Alex, waving Philippa away, “but she’s definitely someone’s. I prefer a more mature woman.” She sat back in her chair.

Philippa folded her arms, unsure how to respond. “Hmm. Well, I look forward to seeing your work. And also, you do still owe me a viewing of your paintings.”

“I don’t show them to just anybody,” said Alex, “but I guess you’re not just anybody, are you? Maybe after we’ve dropped off Seren?” She shifted awkwardly. “That’s if you meant it when you said you’d come with me?”

Philippa unfolded her arms. “Of course I meant it. Although I can’t come with you after we drop Seren. Dottie really needs to go to bed soon. But I’d like to be able to help a little, if I can. And can I just say, for what it’s worth, you have done nothing wrong. What is happening here,” she gesticulated, well aware that small ears could still hear, “is all someone else’s doing, and not yours. You have rights.” She took a breath. “Perhaps I can help you with that, if you’d let me?”

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