Page 40 of Faking It (and falling in love)

“You do?” said Alex. She put her face into her hands for a moment. Philippa stayed quiet and put her arm around her friend’s shoulders. “I guess I can see why you might think that.”

Philippa breathed in the smell of Alex’s shampoo. She knew it was wrong to allow her mind to wander like this while Alex was suffering, but it was impossible not to respond to the woman beside her. It was as though all the desires she had ignored for so many years of her life were rushing to the surface.

“I’ve been so weak,” said Alex.

“No,” said Philippa, squeezing Alex’s shoulder with her hand. “I really don’t think you have. You’ve maintained a relationship with your daughter in spite of everything. I’ve met people in your position who have simply given up. It’s clear your daughter adores you. You’ve done all you can to date, and now you need help. And if you’ll let me, I think I can help you.”

Alex lifted her head and allowed it to drop onto Philippa’s shoulder. “Thank you,” she breathed.

Philippa rested her own head on Alex’s, and they sat like that without speaking for a few minutes.

“Mummy!” came a voice from behind them. Dottie appeared, bleary-eyed in her Taylor Swift onesie, and the two women sprang apart.

“What are you doing down here?” asked Philippa brusquely. “You’re supposed to be asleep.”

“I was,” said Dottie, squeezing onto the sofa between Alex and Philippa. “But I woke up and needed a drink and realised I forgot to take up my water bottle.”

Philippa sighed. “Well, up you get, Dot, your water bottle’s probably in the kitchen. Go and get it.”

Dottie looked questioningly at her mother, before trotting out of the room.

Philippa shook her head. “For goodness’ sake.”

“I can’t find it!” came a shout.

“Sorry, Alex,” said Philippa, getting up to help her daughter in the search. She found Dottie standing in the middle of the kitchen gazing into space. “There,” said Philippa, immediately seeing the bottle next to the sink.

“Oh yeah,” said Dottie. “I didn’t see it.”

“Clearly.” Philippa raised an eyebrow.

“Is Alex your girlfriend?” asked Dottie in a stage whisper.

“No. And even if she was, it would still be bedtime,” said Philippa, annoyed at herself for going red. Dottie stared at her for a moment, before vanishing back upstairs.

“Sorry,” said Philippa again when she returned to the living room. “She’s so nosey. I’m pretty sure she was trying to figure out what’s going on. She’s a terrible gossip.”

Alex laughed. “I think she’s awesome.”

“So do I, most of the time,” admitted Philippa. “But evenings are me time – grown-up time. As a single parent I guard that as a precious commodity.”

“I get it,” said Alex, “although I so rarely get to have Seren stay over. I’m a bit envious of your setup, to be honest.”

“Yes,” said Philippa. “Sorry, it’s probably insensitive of me to complain.” Alex waved a hand to dismiss it. “I can see now why you’ve been so hesitant to be in a relationship, but can I just say, you have every right to have your own life. Who you are seeing has nothing to do with your ex.”

Alex looked at Philippa, and a familiar sensation washed over the solicitor. One that told her there was more to be said here, but that neither of them were saying it.

“You’re right,” said Alex. “Of course you’re right. I think I was just desperate to prove to Jess that I’m a legitimate parent.”

“But that’s the thing,” said Philippa, unable to resist resting her hand on Alex’s. “You have nothing to prove to her. You are a legitimate parent. That’s it, no discussion.”

Alex looked for a moment as though she might cry, but then something seemed to change. She raised the hand that Philippa was holding to Philippa’s cheek. “God, you’re difficult to resist, Philippa Samfire.”

Philippa froze.

“I know what I said,” continued Alex, “about being in the wrong place for a relationship. And who knows, perhaps that’s still true, but I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Philippa felt an electric current travel from where Alex’s hand touched her to her stomach, which was somersaulting in a way that was utterly distracting. She couldn’t ignore the way she felt any longer.

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