Page 108 of Back Room Host

“It’s not a final project, more like … a side project for the final project.”

“That doesn’t matter, I’d still like to see it.”

I hesitated, especially since these recordings were the reason Juri wasn’t talking to me anymore. But on the other hand, I’d invested so many hours in this short film. I’d even gotten permission from Serge to film in the back room of Exil. Of course, nobody could be recognized in it, but just seeing the shadows of the people there contributed to the ideal atmosphere in the film. And maybe it wasn’t a bad idea for Verena to take a look. She didn’t know the whole issue behind it and was unbiased. By now, I’d accepted that I had to add another semester for my final project, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t get feedback from Verena on my work. I booted up my laptop and opened the file in question.

“I’ve been working on nothing else for the past few weeks,” I explained. “It doesn’t have much to do with the original concept anymore.”

“Okay. I’m curious.”

“Maybe you should use these.” It was pretty loud in the cafeteria, so I handed her my noise-canceling headphones. Once Verena was ready, I hit play.

It hurt my heart to see Juri—even if it was just his hand or his chin. How many times did I have to watch the recordings to find the best parts? What came out of it meant so much to me. I didn't even care that I was jeopardizing my degree and having to add an extra semester.

I was surprised by how attentively Verena watched, completely forgetting her latte macchiato. She was so engrossed in the film that she didn’t even comment, just absorbing it all.

I knew those fifteen minutes were good, but it was a waste of time since the film would never be shown anywhere. It was a mistake I was responsible for, and now I regretted not being honest with Juri from the start. If I had briefed him on my ideas, explained on the first night that it wasn’t my intention to film his face, and why video recordings were important to me, he might have agreed. However, I was sure he would never have opened up to me like he did.

If only I respected Juri’s wish and not made those recordings, he wouldn’t have stormed out of the apartment. He wasn’t recognizable in any of the shots! Only once did his lip piercing come into view. Not even his black hair was visible. Mostly just his hands. Sometimes with a cigarette between his fingers. What made the film special was how he narrated and spoke. His voice alone was captivating. The fact that his face wasn’t visible didn’t diminish the fillm’s impact.

I sighed inwardly. He had such a beautiful face. A cool demeanor if you didn’t know him, but as soon as you spent a little time with him, he let his guard down and opened up. And when he smiled at you, your heart melted. I was sure it wasn’t just me.

And already my thoughts drifted back to that old geezer he disappeared with last Thursday.

Fuck!

Unable to take it anymore, I pulled out my cigarettes and gestured to Verena that I’d be outside for a moment. But it was so cold that it was anything but relaxing, and not five minutes later, I was back inside.

When the film ended, Verena leaned back and stared at me with a frozen expression. “That, Luca, is your diploma.”

I blinked my eyes in bewilderment as I tried to make sense of what she just said.

“Why didn’t you say you switched to documentary? This film is great. Add a concept to it, and then nothing will stand in your way to graduation.”

“Huh? No, you don’t understand. I only did this for myself. I didn’t want to …”

“Luca. I get it, you wanted to explore those endless back rooms. But you can still do that. This film here is unique! It raises questions. Gives insights into a foreign world and documents the life of a young man. With this, you’ll get an excellent grade!”

“The film has only brought me trouble so far,” I said meekly. “You have no idea what you’re asking of me here. The guy freaked out when he found out I filmed him. I did it exactly how you shouldn’t do it. He will never give me consent for that.”

“Listen, Luca. I can’t tell you what to do, but my recommendation is clear. You should talk to this young man because when I look at you, I believe you want nothing more than that.”

“That obvious?”

Verena nodded with a meaningful look. “Get his consent, then you’ll have your graduation secured. But we’ll have to revisit the concept. You’re not getting off that easy. It’s just part of it.”

***

I was at a loss but somehow relieved. Verena had given me a reason to reach out to Juri. However, the film was by no means my main concern. The black profile picture worried me much more than my graduation.

Thanks to Verena, I now had an entirely new perspective on this film. I had been too deeply involved in the matter myself to realize how valuable these recordings were. Whoever had the opportunity to gain such deep insight into this industry? But it was the many conversations with Juri and Hector’s encouragement not to settle for the first answer that made this film possible in the first place.

Even if Juri refused to give his consent, I owed him a thank you, because what he had shared with me was not a given.

I had to talk to him. But more importantly, I wanted to see him and show him the film. One thing was for sure, he had gotten a completely wrong impression. The short clip he had seen was the only one of its kind and was even overlaid with pictures of the lakeside promenade at the end, so only his voice could be heard. I absolutely had to correct the impression he had of the film. Maybe then he wouldn’t look at me as if it were breaking his heart.

I was on the bus to training, repeatedly dialing Juri’s number and letting it ring until the voicemail kicked in. He just wasn’t picking up.

Did he block me?

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