Page 114 of Back Room Host

“You,” I murmured in a faint voice. “You’re tearing me apart. Making me weak. You’ve shattered all my defenses. And here I am now. Pathetic and miserable! I’m nothing! And this film has just shown me that.”

“That’s not true.”

“Oh, come on!” I snapped. “You saw me with a client and probably wondered what Walter does to me, while …” My voice broke off as I was overwhelmed by the incident from the day after. “While he’s … nice.” Everything became too much for me. I trembled and could barely stand on my feet. Memories flooded my mind, nearly knocking me over. It felt like being trapped in a fierce storm. Determined, I focused on the ground and tried to endure it.

“Noé told me what happened,” Luca’s voice was no more than a whisper now as he took a step closer. “Of course, not in detail, but … believe me … I don’t care how many Walters you had sex with. If you tell me who did this to you, I would even go back to prison for you.”

I shut my eyes. “Since when are you a romantic?” But then his words made me pause, and I lifted my gaze. “What do you mean by ’go back’?”

Luca scrunched his forehead, and a sense of remorse filled his eyes. “Of course,” he said softly. “You know next to nothing about me.”

I swallowed. And yet, I had fallen in love with him.

“As you know, I was bullied for years. It was a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.”

Everything inside me tensed up. My heart skipped a beat. My breath stopped. A freezing coldness covered my skin. Yes, I knew what he was talking about.

“At any rate … One day, Jérôme—a classmate who had constantly bullied me—found me on the roof of the school. Over the years, that had become my refuge, where I hid and had my peace. He had ambushed me and threatened to tell everyone. Samir, Cédric, Armando, and Ben. There was hardly a day when I wasn’t tormented by one of them. Jérôme began to hit me, shoving me to the ground before delivering kicks to my stomach. Then, with his phone in hand, he filmed my distress, laughing loudly. Such treatment wasn't new to me, but the fact that it happened in my safe space ruined my sense of security, changing everything in an instant.”

Luca pursed his lips and shook his head in disbelief, clearly disturbed by what had happened next.

“Did you get angry?” I asked cautiously.

“Yes,” he answered, nodding. “It’s not like I hadn’t gotten angry before. I had always tried to defend myself somehow. But at that moment, all the floodgates burst open. I felt a surge of rage that I hadn’t thought possible. Something in my head shut down, and all I saw was red. I freed myself and jumped up to go after Jérôme, pushing him back further. His laughter crescendoed, mocking me. Blind with years of pent-up rage, I seethed. Out of nowhere, he brandished a knife, whirling mearound until I crashed into the low railing. As I struggled to regain my footing, he pressed the blade against my throat.

“Throughout the years, he had threatened to kill me repeatedly, and I sensed he would follow through with his threat. He pulled me back up and ordered me to jump. Of course, I refused and tried to pass by him, but he blocked my way. Without warning, he grabbed me and spun me around once more. I instinctively shifted my weight and pushed him away. In doing so, he stumbled over the railing and lost his balance. Since he still held the knife in one hand, he couldn’t hold onto me in time. And I was just relieved that he finally let go of me.”

Luca stared blankly into space and shook his head. “I pushed him off the roof. He fell five stories and landed with his head on the asphalt.”

I swallowed and stared at Luca with my mouth open.

Shit … And he’s telling me this now?

“Were you …” My voice became scratchy, so I cleared my throat. “Were you in prison?”

“That was six years ago. I was seventeen. Back then, there were no facilities for juveniles, so they put me in pretrial detention with the adults. I was only there for three months. Due to the years of abuse and the injuries Jérôme inflicted on me on the roof, it was deemed self-defense. Of course, I had to undergo therapy afterward. Dario became my social worker. Through him, I got into martial arts.”

Luca’s face twisted with sadness. “You picked a murderer, Juri. Someone who doesn’t deserve love.”

I gasped for air in disbelief. “Are you serious?”

Luca’s smile was gentle as he shrugged. “At least, I thought so for a long time. I was told for years that I didn’t deserve love. Over and over again. And after that incident on the roof, I knew it was true. Who would want someone like me? I was already weird enough. And with my history in tow … No chance.”

After a moment of silence, he continued. “It was never my intent to inflict harm upon you, yet there you were, sitting in the hospital … because of me! With a broken foot and hand. I knew you weren’t Jérôme. But you were an opportunity for me—a chance to right the wrongs of the past, to mend something long shattered. It was never my intention to cause you more pain. I wanted to help you and cleanse my karma with that. But then I truly got to know you. Damn it, Juri! You had to storm out of my apartment and leave me with film fragments until I finally got it. It was so obvious. It’s you. You’re the person I want to be with. I love you. I’m not here because of the film or because of your consent, but only because of you. I couldn’t bear not knowing anymore. And then I find out what happened to you. I mean it! If you tell me where those guys are, I’ll kill them.”

I gazed at Luca, my eyes widening in astonishment. I had never witnessed him speak so openly and at such length before. Amidst the whirlwind of emotions, one detail stood out vividly it almost brought tears to my eyes. “You … love me?”

A sorrowful expression spread across Luca’s face. “I was such an idiot. So stupid! But I miss you. So much. The time with you was so beautiful. So precious. You once said that everyone is replaceable. That’s not true. You’re not replaceable to me. No one can replace you. Please. Don’t send me away again.”

I couldn’t change it. I still loved this guy. And the fact that he stood before me, pleading with me, was heartwarming. But looking him directly in the eyes was difficult. It was humiliating that I was on the verge of tears. The effect he had on me was infuriating, but I couldn’t keep up my distant and aloof facade any longer.

Luca stepped even closer and stroked my cheek. “You still like me, don’t you?”

He even managed to get a smile out of me, and I averted my head in embarrassment. “You’re driving me crazy,” I whispered.

“Can I kiss you now, because … damn it! You turn me on.”

I turned to face him. Longing and desire flickered in his deep gray eyes. And in his loving gaze was a promise. He slid his fingers into the nape of my neck and kissed me softly.

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