Page 78 of Back Room Host

Hector grinned, but there was also something else flashing in his eyes. I wasn’t sure if he truly believed what he had just said. Maybe it bothered him after all, and he was afraid I might compete with him for Juri.

Just the thought made me smirk. It wasn’t like there was anything going on between Juri and me. Besides, it was totally absurd to think that there would ever be more.

“And even if,” I said, turning back to the carrots, “it’s not much different from Matteo. As soon as he has enough strength in his legs again, our paths will diverge. I have enough material for my project.”

“What did he do all day?”

“I think he read a lot. Had a photo blog.”

“Uh-huh? What else?”

I looked at Hector, confused. He opened his ginger shot and downed it in one gulp. Then he tossed the small bottle in the trash, leaned with crossed arms against the kitchen counter, and waited for my answer.

At that very moment, I became aware of my situation. By now, I knew about Juri’s job as a callboy. In retrospect, I was surprised at how blind I had been during Hector and Juri’s firstencounter.Damn it!I had to catch them having sex first to realize that they had known each other much longer than they claimed. Later, Juri even talked about Hector when it came to terminating his apprenticeship contract. And now, Hector stood before me, asking what Juri had been up to all day.

“I don’t know … What do you mean?”

Hector smiled and shook his head slightly. “You’re a puzzle, Luca Mazzi. Now you have the opportunity to really get to know someone, but you still can’t muster up genuine interest.”

Genuine interest?I paused. “That’s not true at all. I know his food preferences. His taste in music, what movies he likes. I even interviewed him about his job.”

I abruptly stopped speaking. I hadn’t dropped the bomb yet, and Hector had no idea that I had seen him with Juri. He probably assumed we had been discussing his culinary training. Still, I detected a hint of distrust and nervousness in the emerging crease between his brows. With his piercing lawyer’s gaze, he scanned me before shaking off the suspicion and offering a smile.

“But that’s not what I mean.”

I wrinkled my forehead in confusion. “Then what do you mean?”

“I’m talking about things like … For example … What occupies him? What are his fears? His desires?”

“We aren’t together, if that’s what you mean.”

“You don’t have to be together for that, Luca. You lived together for two weeks. One would think you’d talk about deeper things. And especially if you want to make movies, that seems like something you could practice.”

Talking about deep things?I stared at Hector for a while and let his words sink in. He wasn’t wrong, and I was well aware of my shortcomings. “Looks like I don’t have that something. How am I supposed to train for something like that?”

Hector raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Do you really think that?”

“That’s just not me. As soon as I notice that Juri finds the topic uncomfortable, I refrain from poking around further. I don’t want to hurt him. That’s just not who I am.”

“You should have a little more faith in your fellow human beings. They’re not made of glass. You’ve made a vow not to hurt anyone anymore, but that’s simply impossible, yes, unrealistic, and it won’t get you anywhere either. How about taking a little risk?”

“I can’t,” I said firmly. “That’s not me. Not anymore.”

“Okay, then … How about this? Fake it till you make it.”

I narrowed my eyes and directed a penetrating stare at Hector. “You didn’t just say that out loud.”

“Yes, I did. And if you don’t have a New Year’s resolution yet, you can use that one. Listen to me, Luca. I’m older and have twenty more years of experience than you.”

“You sound like a teenager right now.”

“And you’ll be at a loss in twenty years if you don’t get moving. I understand that your past weighs heavily on you, and you’ve found support in your resolution. But you’ve gotten yourself stuck in something that’s somehow blocking you. Trust me, you won’t lose anything if you take a little risk. On the contrary. You can only gain.”

I let out an exasperated snort and returned my attention to the cutting board. “Are you joining us for dinner?” I asked, my irritation evident in my tone.

“No, I’ll be leaving soon,” Hector sounded somewhat disappointed. “But think about what I said.”

As I turned my head to him, he was already disappearing around the corner, and I heard him shuffling in his office. Well, it was fine if he didn’t eat with us. I was actually okay with that. This way, there wouldn’t be any awkward moments.

---