Page 87 of Back Room Host

“Pay you?” His voice sounded weak, fragile, and confused. “Juri.”

I stormed inside the elevator once the doors opened. Unable to look at Luca’s vulnerable expression any longer, I lowered my gaze. Fuck!

The doors closed and during the dead seconds in the brightly lit space, I felt immobilized. A throbbing sensation spread through my body, and I clenched my teeth in fury as I clutched my pillow. Once the doors opened, I rushed out. Outside, a cool wind greeted me as I made my way along the street toward Central Station, attempting to focus on my destination.However, the recent events swelled inside me until I could no longer ignore them, compelling me to stop.

“Shit!”

Clenching my fists, I tried to suppress the rising tears.

Get rid of these pathetic thoughts. After all, it’s all foreseeable. You let yourself be fooled by him. He’s been pretending all along to get the recordings. He just used you. Nothing more.

I pressed the pillow to my face and screamed.

“Fuck!”

Then I kept going.

29

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Luca

Even after four days, I was still in shock. Deep down, I knew my lie could have serious consequences. Damn! I even ruined the trial evening at Safari Bar. It didn’t help to keep telling myself that what happened between Juri and me was just for fun, nothing more than a pastime. I just couldn’t forget his face. The pain I saw in it was so heart-wrenching that it still sent chills down my spine. I never expected it could hurt him so deeply. He always seemed so strong and invulnerable to me.

However, I had to admit that he had changed slightly in the last few days. He had become more accessible and gradually showed me more of his warm side. He had it, even if he might not have been aware of it. It was delicate and gentle. Sometimes so overwhelming that it took my breath away.

Hector’s advice truly helped me get to know Juri better. And yes, I had recorded everything from the very beginning. As a film student, it was unthinkable for me to record just audio. To tell a story, I needed visuals. But it was never my intention to show his face or make him recognizable. His hand movements alone spoke volumes. But what could I do? Apologizing wasn’t enough. With this action, I had destroyed something deeper.

I still heard Juri’s words in my ears.“… the feelings I have for you.”

Shit …

Those words kept spinning in the back of my mind incessantly. Did Juri actually have feelings for me?That can’t be. Who would ever fall in love with me? Completely absurd! He probably just said that to get back at me.

The way he had looked at me with his cold eyes made me shudder again.

It’s impossible that he fell in love with me.

That’s out of the question.

He was a master at pretending—to all his clients. His accusation of me not paying was hurtful, but I couldn’t blame him and felt guilty.

“Focus, Luca!” Dario chastised. “You’re up next.”

I shook off thoughts of Juri and turned my attention to the ongoing fight, where Vasily showcased his powerful right hand against his opponent. The competition took place in a gym and attracted an incredible amount of audience. Although I had been pestering Dario for weeks to let me fight again, I would have preferred to be anywhere else right now. It was clearly too crowded here. Too many people. Too many kids. Too much noise.

Focus on the fight, I tried to tell myself, but it was no use. My thoughts kept drifting to Juri. Since he stormed out of the apartment last Tuesday, I struggled to explain to myself what had happened. And why it had ended so abruptly. It. Whatever that was.

It was nothing! We were just having fun together. Nothing more.

Outside, the rain poured down, and the dark gray sky cast a gloomy atmosphere over the hall. It had never been so dark the whole week. My dreary mood matched the weather perfectly, and I would have preferred to crawl back home. Instead, I forced myself to dance around, keep my body warm, and prepare my muscles for the fight with dry exercises.

Dario was shouting tips to Vasily, which was completely unnecessary. The guy was like a machine and hardly let his opponent land a hit.

Since Dario accused me of wearing blinders in life, I had watched Vasily a few times during training. In a way, we werevery similar. Dario was the only one he talked to; no one else interested him. Vasily was as much of a lone wolf as I was.

Was I still like that?

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