Page 91 of Back Room Host

In my room, I reclined on the bed with my phone in hand. Opening the app, I navigated to Juri’s chat history and noticed he had uploaded a new profile picture.

“Ready for orders,” it said.

Fuck.

30

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Juri

“Don’t tell me you’ve already used up everything I gave you on Tuesday evening,” Clé sighed as he closed the door behind him and followed me into the kitchen. “At least you seem to be able to walk normally again.”

I grunted irritably and sat down on the folding chair at the small kitchen table. After Clé opened the window behind me to ventilate the smoke-filled room, he snatched a beer from the fridge and sat across from me.

“And? How does it feel to be back in your own apartment? Sleeping in your own bed?”

I wasn’t up for small talk. Besides, I felt awful. Ever since I moved out of Luca's place five days ago, I’d been on edge. My hand trembled as I reached for the cigarette on the ashtray. Taking a deep drag, I ran my greasy hair back. “Did you bring it?” I asked loudly, exhaling smoke and taking a big gulp of beer.

Clé quietly observed me. His expression was inscrutable, but there was a hint of unease lingering on his face.

“Are you finally going to tell me what happened on Tuesday?”

I hesitated for a moment and swallowed. What had happened at Luca’s place had completely thrown me off. When I got home at half past six, I paced around the apartment like a junkie in withdrawal and couldn’t relax. And since Romero wasn’t home, I called Clé, who brought me some coke and benzos. Since he had an early shift that week, Cle couldn’t stay long. But today was Saturday, and the way he crossed one leg over the other and enjoyed his beer, he clearly indicated he wasn’t going anywhere soon.

Of course, I could have asked him to leave, but after finishing his stuff on Thursday and being forced to knock on Romero’sdoor, I didn’t feel like doing that again. I bit my lower lip and chewed on the ring. “Nothing happened,” I lied and greedily took another drag of the cigarette.

Clé laughed in disbelief, his dark brown hair long enough now to be tucked behind his ears—a detail I hadn't noticed on Tuesday.

“Tell me, or I’ll take the stuff back home with me. I know you’re not keen on knocking on Romero’s door. So, spill the beans.”

“That’s childish.”

“Why do I get the feeling that you’re the one being childish?”

Am I?

Fuck! So what if I am

The thing with Luca was over. We had a bit of fun together, and that’s it. That he had been filming me the whole time …Fuck!I couldn’t even finish the thought. I still didn’t fully understand what it was doing to me. It was a pain I didn’t know. It almost felt like the days when my father ignored me. Somehow, I had been glad about it, but on the other hand, I had wished he would pay attention to me. I was even willing to take a beating for it. Although I usually had no idea why he beat me up, at least I knew I wasn’t invisible.

What I did know was the shame I had been trying to escape since Tuesday. It haunted me constantly, and it was destroying me. It choked me and made me feel like the biggest idiot. Falling in love with Luca … Seriously? In a drunken stupor, I had seriously considered showing up at my old man’s place. At least he would have properly punished me for my stupidity.

“I can walk normally again and don’t need any help, so I moved out.”

My voice sounded pathetic; I even noticed that. Clé didn’t react and lit a cigarette, blowing out smoke.

“And how’s the guy? What was his name? Luca?”

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.He’s doing it on purpose. He knows exactly what’s going on.

God damn it! My own thoughts are already driving me crazy.

There’s nothing going on! Get that through your head!

And yet something tightened in my chest.

“He’s fine,” I muttered with a shrug.