Page 101 of Notes About Vodka

Me: No, give me a few and I’ll be out

Skipper: K

A few minutes later, I pull my suitcase out the door, trying to hold back my sobs as I close it softly behind me.

“Bye, Val,” I call out to the living room where I can see the back of Val’s head. He’s sitting on the couch, facing away from me.

He says nothing.

When I load my suitcase into Skipper’s car and hop in the front passenger seat, Skip just squeezes my hand, “Want to talk about it?”

“No, not now.”

“Okay, Laura, but if Val has done something…”

“Skip, just drop it okay.”

“Okay.”

As Skipper drives away, I look back at the apartment building. I realize then that maybe I’ve hurt Val more deeply than I ever realized. I don’t know his culture or every facet of his history. How can I keep from disappointing him? But at the same time, I’m finding my happiness with Val so why can’t he just accept I’m creating a future for us.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

VAL

"They say love and vodka can both make you forget your fears. But only one of them is guaranteed not to break your heart."

I’d screwed up. It’s pretty fucking obvious.

I hadn’t wanted Laura to go, hadn’t wanted to lose those few weeks we had together over the summer without roommates or work dragging us in opposite directions. But, now, I’d ruined it all by making her feel guilty about wanting to leave. The second she stormed out, I knew I’d lost the fight, and probably more than that.

It’s been more than 24 hours since she left, but the silence of the apartment is louder than it’s ever been.

This feels a hell of a lot worse.

She needs space, and I’d probably deserve the hard look she gave me before she turned and walked away. Now she’s down in Florida with Skipper to be with family,I’m here alone.

And after our fight it’s all I can do to keep myself from being drunk in my own mind.

Every surface seems to echo our argument, that frustration I couldn’t bottle up anymore.

She’d been so hopeful, so driven, and I’d only thrown cold water on it, as if her dreams didn’t matter. She’s right though. And I knew she was ambitious from the start. I want Laura to succeed, to do great things. But I don’t want her to leave me behind either.

Laura is like a comet speeding through the solar system and I’m just a lumpy asteroid floating meaninglessly through space.

Sitting in our empty apartment, the weight of guilt presses down on me. I remember the exact moment her face shifted, when my words became something sharper than I’d intended. But it’s too late to take them back.

What I would do to kiss the tears in her eyes away, to turn back time and just say, shut up Val. Support your woman.

I drag myself off the couch, starting with cleaning up the apartment because it’s something to do, a way to avoid thinking.

Laura’s coffee mug is still on the coffee table, the bright red lipstick-stained rim catching my eye, twisting the knife. I carry it to the kitchen, wash it clean. Setting it in the drying rack, I laugh at my own thoughts, as if that simple act could somehow erase the regret I’m feeling. She deserves someone who cheers her on, someone who won’t hold her back.

I look around the empty space and know I need to make things right.

Maybe I should leavePianissimoas well. It’s a start—a step toward showing her I’m willing to do whatever it takes.

If Laura is willing to go the extra mile for her future, I should do the same for mine.

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