Page 45 of Notes About Vodka

It’s like she’s letting her guard down, just a little for me, and it makes me want to do the same. I smile back when she first smiles at me.

I want to ask her about it, to reach out and touch her arm, to tell her that I feel it too—that we’re building something real here. But for now, I just let it sit there between us. Whatever it is, we’ve got time to figure it out.There’s no Russian, but me!

At closing, as I wipe down the bar atPianissimo, I can’t shake the thought that maybe Laura was disappointed by not getting more last night.

She’s hard to read sometimes, and I’m constantly second-guessing myself.Did she want to go further last night? Was she hoping for something… more?The questions swirl in my head, and I find myself questioning why this matters so much to me. I’ve never felt this kind of pressure before—to be what someone needs.

I’m left wondering if I’m doing enough—if I’m being enough for her.

But my overthinking screeches to a halt when I hear Tony say something that makes my blood pressure spike. His voice cuts through the hum of the bar, loud and brash, and I feel my body tense up instantly. Something’s not right, and I know I need to focus.

Laura’s here, and I need to protect whatever this is between us.

I glance at her, catching her eyes for just a second, and there’s that blue softness again—something that tells me we’re okay.

And that’s enough to keep me steady, to keep me going as a blast from my past waltzes into the restaurant.

“Hey, Val,” Tony says, grinning like the smug bastard he is. “Did you hear that Roqui’s back? What happened between you two, you were great together.”

I freeze, mid-wipe, my balls tighten up and shrink inside my ass. I shoot another quick glance at Laura, who’s behind the counter restocking the cocktail napkins, she must be sneaking me a note...

Her body stiffens on Tony’s comment, but she doesn’t look at me. I can almost feel the tension rolling off her, a mix of curiosity, annoyance, and maybe even fear.

Tony, of course, just keeps going. "Hell, maybe you already are hooking up again. You two had some chemistry, didn’t you?" He’s baiting me, and it’s working. I hate the way his words hang in the air, leaving Laura to wonder.

I clear my throat, setting the rag down a little harder than I meant to. “Yeah, we did, but it didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t this organic, all-consuming feeling that leaves you obsessesed, hungover, wanting more. With Roq, it was casual, blowing steam while I was waiting for my one, that’s all.”

Laura doesn’t storm off immediately, but I can see the shift in her posture, like she’s trying to hide how much what is being said bothers her. The way her shoulders tense, her fingers still for just a moment—it’s enough to know she’s hurting. I want to say something, stop her before she bolts, but then, she balls up her fists and walks out before I get the chance.Damn it. BLET!

I watch her disappear into the back, and frustration gnaws at me. It’s like I can see her slipping away, and I’m helpless tostop it. I clench my jaw, my thoughts racing. I need to make her understand, but how?

Not even five minutes later, Roqui waltzes in like she owns the place. She’s got that confident girl swagger that demands attention, her dark black hair is pulled back, her almost lime green eyes bright with excitement.

She’s been in Vegas for months, traveling with one of NYC’s major ballet companies in their latest production. Roqui works her ass off no matter the job. But I know she’s hoping to move up to a principal position, and knowing Roq, she’s probably charmed half of the city while she was at it. There’s something about her—magnetic, relentless, succeeding.

Gotta admit, it’s good to see her again.

Roqui’s always been strategic, subtly competitive woman. And secretive. Which is why our fling worked when it did. She knew how to keep things casual and avoid drama, but there was always an underlying edge to her actions. She wanted control, always made sure she had the upper hand.

So why does it feel like a ticking bomb waiting to go off even though I’m glad to see her.

I’m wiping down the bar, trying to shake off Tony’s dumbass comment about me and Roqui hooking up again, when I catch a glimpse of her leaning against the doorway, arms crossed, smirking like she knows something I don’t.

"Well, well, well," she says, raising an eyebrow. "So Tony’s still the king of shit-stirring, huh? I overheard his little joke. Gotta say, wasn’t expecting to come back and already be part of the gossip mill."

I sigh, setting the rag down and looking over at her. "Yeah, you know how he is. Always stirring the pot. But it’s bullshit. I’m not about to go back to whatever he thinks we had."

Roqui chuckles, pushing off the doorframe and strolling over. "Aw, Val, you wound me," she says sarcastically, restingher hands on the bar. "Remember all those nights we spent together? I thought for sure I'd still be your number one. You know, no one else knows you quite like I do. So, if it’s not me, then who’s got your attention now?"

I hesitate for a second, not sure how much I want to say, but this is Roqui—straightforward, no games. She’ll find out eventually anyway.

“It’s Laura. The girl who was behind the bar earlier? She took off when Tony made his little comment.”

Roqui squints like she’s trying to place the name. "Laura... Wait, the one who looked like she wanted to punch Tony in the face before she bolted?"

“Yeah, that’s the one,” I say, shaking my head with a half-smile. “I’ve been seeing her. Well, trying to, at least.”

Roqui studies me for a second, a mix of curiosity and something else I can’t quite read. "Huh. Didn’t peg you for the type to get all wrapped up in someone like that. But hey, she’s cute. And Tony’s a dick."

---