Page 58 of Notes About Vodka

“Like Roqui?”

“Yeah, like Roqui, but that's not even the worst decision. Not completing or submitting my Visa paperwork properly means I have to stay under the radar, avoiding anything that could draw attention to my status. I just keep paying taxes, hoping that will help my cause and keep me in good standing. But I am letting all that go because Laura baby, you are here now, with me.”

Laura sighs and lays her head on my bare chest. It doesn’t matter that the nights are getting colder, she’s so warm. Her presence is soothing, almost like she fills every empty, hollow part of me with her warmth. I press my lips against her hair, inhaling the faint scent of lavender that always seems to linger around her.

“Thank you for just listening and being here, Val. You have no idea how good it feels to just get this off my chest. For so long, I only thought about how I was falling. Thank you so much, you remind me that I can still fly.”

I stroke her back gently, my fingers tracing idle patterns along her spine. “It’s my pleasure, beautiful girl. But I think I do understand, actually. I think I know exactly how heavy it’s all been, how much you’ve carried alone.”

Her arms tighten around me, and I can feel her sigh, her chest rising and falling against mine. There’s something so raw and honest in this moment—two broken people,holding on to each other under a starry sky, hoping that maybe together we can find a way to heal.

“It reminds me of my own story, but I’ll leave that one for tomorrow, okay.”

“Okay,” Laura replies as she snuggles into my chest.

As we embrace under the stars, the serenity of the night contrasts sharply with the turmoil within me. Her revelation about her struggles with Ankylosing spondylitis, her surgeries, her mishaps with love and family, deepens my feelings for her. It’s as though every word she shares, every scar she reveals, strengthens the bond between us. I found the other half of my soul, someone who is overcoming adversity and proving all daydreams can come true.

I want to be her refuge, to offer her the comfort and security she needs. I want to be the person she can turn to, the one who makes her feel safe when the world feels too overwhelming.

“Come home with me tonight,” I say softly, hoping my words will bring her the solace I feel when we’re together. I want to keep her close, to make sure she feels protected and cherished.

Laura pulls back slightly, her eyes searching mine. I can see the hesitation there, the uncertainty.

“Val…you know I really can’t. Me spending time before was one thing, but now… I don’t know…” Her voice is barely a whisper, and I can feel the conflict radiating off of her—her desire to be with me, and her fear of taking that step.

I’m desperate now, my voice tinged with a mix of frustration and pleading. “Yes, you can. It’s just in your head. Sam isn’t going to do shit to you. You’ll be divorced soon, so why does it matter? Fuck him, I’m the one with you now. Come home with me, Laura. I’m the other half of your soul and Iknow you are the other half of my soul. How long will it take me to prove this to you? I’m not going to hurt you.”

My words are filled with conviction, my chest tight with the hope that I can get through to her. I need her to see that she deserves happiness, that she deserves to be with someone who will cherish her.

She shakes her head, her expression pained, her eyes glistening under the moonlight. “It’s not just about him, Val. It’s about everything. I’m not ready to…to dive into something new, not when I’m still figuring out so much of my life.”

Her words hit me like a wave, and I know that what she’s saying is true. She needs time to heal, time to understand who she is apart from the pain and chaos that’s marked her past. One orgasm on her balcony isn’t going to change that.

My heart sinks, but I try to keep my voice steady. “I get that. I really do. But I don’t want to see you going through this alone. I want to be there for you, not just as a friend but as someone who cares about you deeply.” I tilt her chin up gently, meeting her gaze. “You don’t have to decide everything tonight, Laura. We can take it slow. Just let me be by your side.”

She hesitates, her eyes searching mine for reassurance. I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words as I tug my jacket on, my fingers fumbling slightly. “What would it take to convince you to give us a chance tonight? I just want to be there for you. No pressure, no expectations—just us, spending time together.”

Laura’s eyes soften, and I see a flicker of vulnerability that makes my heart ache. She bites her bottom lip, and finally, she nods. “I’ll come over, but only if we’re just snuggling and watching a movie. No expectations beyond that.” Her voice is soft, but there’s a firmness there that tells me she means it.

A wave of relief washes over me, and I nod eagerly, my heart swelling with gratitude and hope. “Deal. Let’s go.” I pressanother gentle kiss to her forehead before reluctantly letting her go, getting to my feet. I offer her my hand, and she takes it, her fingers slipping easily into mine as I help her up.

The drive to my condo is quiet, the city lights blurring past us as we move through the late-night streets. There’s a kind of peace in the silence, the shared understanding between us that we’re taking a step forward, even if it’s a small one.

Laura rests her head against the window, her eyes half-closed as she gazes out at the skyline. I glance over at her, and the sight of her—so beautiful, so vulnerable—fills me with a warmth I can’t quite put into words.

We pull into the parking garage, and I guide Laura up to my condo, which overlooks the tranquil waters of the East River in NYC. The lights from the bridges reflect off the water, creating a shimmering, almost magical effect. The city seems quieter from up here, more distant, like we’re in our own little world, separated from the chaos of everything below.

Inside, Laura hesitates for a moment, taking in the space like she has before. I haven’t told her that I’ll need to give it up soon and find a cheaper place.

Part of me hesitates because I don’t want her to worry, and another part fears that it might change how she sees me, as though I’m less stable or capable. But more than that, I don’t want to lose this place that feels like a safe space for us, even if it's just temporary.

Maybe she will want to look with me, maybe she will move in with me one day. The thought makes my heart pound, and I quickly push it aside.One step at a time.

“Go on, make yourself comfortable,” I say softly, gesturing to the couch. She gives me a small smile and moves to the living room, sitting down and wrapping her arms around herself as she looks out at the view. I grab a couple of blankets from the closet, draping one over her shoulders before sitting beside her.

“What movie are we watching?” I ask, my voice gentle. I want her to feel at ease here, to know that there are no expectations, that this is just about being together, finding comfort in each other’s presence.

Laura smiles, her eyes flickering over to me. “Something light. I need a good distraction tonight.” She hesitates, then adds, “Maybe a rom-com?”

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