Page 60 of Notes About Vodka

I pause for a moment, thinking about how much they mean to me. “They’re both like my family. I don’t know if I’d have had the courage to make this move without them. We’ve always had each other’s backs, and it felt right to take this leap together.”

But then I sigh. “Skip and Rhea don’t want to stay in NYC forever. We were only supposed to be here a year, and now we are on our second because of Rhea and my classes not transferring properly. Both of them are actually thinking about moving somewhere quieter eventually. Well, I know Rhea is. She admitted the other week that after she gets her degree this Spring, she’s wants to move somewhere new. Doesn’t know where yet, but that’s Rhea. When she does finally decide, it will be sporadic and full of adventure. She literally decided to move with Skipper and me two days before we left Alabama.”

Val looks at me with a playful grin. “Hmmm… Well, don’t tempt me with an offer to convince you to just move in with me. The rent here is cheaper than your three-bedroom, and it’s closer to school and work. So, why don’t we do it? Move in here, with me.”

He looks so hopeful, his brown eyes pleading that I give in and just do it.But, I don’t know if is okay to move in with you so soon Val.. I mean… What if…

I glance at him, smirking. “Or, you know, you could just move in with us. We could always use another roommate,” I say, half-joking, half-serious. Rhea and Skipper would probably get a kick out of it. Skipper would say he knew all along, and Rhea? She’d act annoyed but would secretly be thrilled to split the rent into quarters.

We have always been a crew looking for more pirates on our crazy ship. I reflect, thinking on the days we were back home and how many people “lived” with us on a daily basis because Skip could cook, Rhea made great drinks, and I, well, I always found the best weed.

Sigh… Sometimes I miss that old trailer off ole’ Creel Lane.

Val raises an eyebrow, chuckling before he hums, “Oh, that’s a tempting offer. But I think I’ll hold off a bit before taking over your apartment. For now, I’m just happy to have you here with me.”

I snuggle closer, resting my head on his shoulder. We settle into a comfortable silence, the movie playing softly in the background. My heart beat begins to slow, I feel calm tucked into our shared warmth and closeness. It’s providing a much-needed solace I didn’t realize I was missing.

Being held like this.

As if sensing I needed more, Val’s arm wraps around me more securely, and I can feel the rhythm of his heartbeat, steady and reassuring. I let myself relax fully, my breathing matching his. The movie becomes nothing more than background noise as I focus on the warmth of his body against mine. There’s something grounding about being here, in this space,with him. It’s like all the chaos of my life is held at bay, just for a while.

As the night wears on, I’m filled with a profound sense of gratitude even though I still have this innate awkwardness. Val’s presence, especially after my breakdown, even with the limits I’ve set, is a comfort I cherish.

“I’m sorry I unloaded so much,” I say quietly after a while.

“It’s okay. It’s my pleasure to be here for you. I told you then, I’ll remind you if I have to, but you are important to me, Laura, you are special.”

“I just feel, weird… Like maybe I shared too much.”

Val pulls away and looks into my eyes, his brown ones reflecting the colors of the TV screen.

“Laura, I want to be the person you can lean on, the person you can call. How many times do I have to tell you. I want to be your person, and I want you to be mine. So whatever you want to say, I’m going to listen.”

“Okay,” I reply, feeling better that Val isn’t freaked out that I had a hyperactive moment with my words.

I rest my head back on his shoulder, sinking further into him, and we drift into a comfortable silence, the kind that feels rare and precious. His arm is around me, and I don’t think I’ve felt this steady in a long time. It’s like he’s become my anchor, the one stable thing in a sea of uncertainty.

Between Sam’s games, the endless rollercoaster that’s become my life, and the entire mess of a divorce or my other life issues, Val’s warmth feels like an anchor. It’s something I didn’t realize I needed—a steady presence in the chaos. His acceptance, his patience—it’s all so different from anything I’ve ever known. For once, I feel like I can just be myself, without fear or judgment. He doesn’t push for more than I’m willing to give, doesn’t demand that I be anything other than who I am in this moment. It’s freeing in a way I haven’t experienced before.

It’s so quiet, just us and the low hum of the city beyond the windows, that I can hear his heartbeat, strong and steady. I pull back a little to look at him, feeling my pulse start to race in that stupid, nervous way it does when you really want to kiss someone but don’t want to ruin the moment. He glances down at me, noticing, his lips curving into a slow, warm smile.

“Hey,” he murmurs, his voice soft, almost hesitant. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

I feel my cheeks flush, and I shrug, trying to find the right words. “I just… I’m really happy right now,” I say, my voice barely a whisper. “It’s been a while since I’ve felt like this. Safe. Content. Desired. Val, I don't know, maybe I shouldn't have come here.”

His smile widens, and he reaches up to brush a strand of hair away from my face, his fingers lingering against my skin. “I’m glad,” he says simply. “I'm glad you came. I want you to feel cherished, safe, content, accepted, desired. Always.” Val's dark brown eyes look deeper into mine as he continues, "I want you to feel, Laura, feel all of what I have for you." He takes my hand and presses it to his chest. I feel his heart beating rapidly.

I can’t help myself. I lean in, pressing my lips softly to his. His mouth is warm and inviting, and everything around us just disappears. I feel his hand move to my neck, gentle, like he’s afraid I’ll pull away. But there’s no way that’s happening. I deepen the kiss, feeling that spark ignite between us, my fingers tangling in his hair as I get a little lost in him.

Val responds with the same intensity, his arm tightening around my waist, pulling me closer until there’s no space left between us. The world outside—the city, the stress, the uncertainties—they all fade away. All that’s left is this moment, this connection, the warmth of his body against mine and the way his lips move with mine, gentle yet full of something deeper.

After a long, breathless moment, we pull back, ourforeheads resting against each other. My heart is pounding, and I can feel Val’s breath against my lips, shallow and uneven. He opens his eyes, meeting mine, and there’s something there—something raw and unguarded.

He looks as lost as I do.

“I don’t want to rush anything, Laura,” he says softly, his voice a little rough. “I just… I want you to know that I’m here. Whatever you need, whenever you’re ready.”

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, and I nod, my throat too tight to speak. Instead, I press another soft kiss to his lips, this one slower, more deliberate. It’s my way of telling him that I hear him, that I understand, and that I feel the same.

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