Page 68 of Notes About Vodka

Her words bring a fresh wave of tears, but this time, they’re tears of anxiety and relief—tears that come from knowing I'm not alone, that I have people who genuinely care about me and want to help. I have a support system—Val, Skipper, Rhea, James. I’m not alone in this. But also tears because I can’t stop fucking up. I should have explained better to Dante last night.

I lean into Rhea’s side, laughing through my tears. "You know something? Screw Sam. And honestly, I have no idea what I’m doing with Val."

Rhea smirks, nudging me playfully. "Well, at least tell me that sexy Russian got you off at least once last night while you were camping out in your room."

I roll my eyes, a small smile tugging at my lips. "I wish. But sadly, no."

Rhea laughs, her laughter infectious, and for the first time all day, I feel a little lighter. With my friends and family by my side, maybe I can face whatever comes next.

Speaking of, I pick up my phone and send Val a text.

Me: Hey, I’m sorry I left without waking you up. Just needed to take care of something with my mom. I’ll explain later.

I stare at the screen, waiting for the dots to appear, signaling that he’s typing. But nothing happens. I drop the phone onto the table and sigh, rubbing my temples.

I can feel Rhea watching me, her gaze heavy with unasked questions. She knows me too well. She knows when something is bothering me, and I appreciate that she doesn’t push. Instead, she just sits there, holding my hand, offering silent support.

The phone buzzes, and I jump, my heart racing. It’s Val. But instead of a text, he’s calling. I hesitate for a moment, mythumb hovering over the green button. I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t ready for this. But I answer anyway.

"Hey," I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Laura," Val’s voice is sharp, more awake than I’ve ever heard him, and there’s a hard edge to it that I’ve never heard before. "What the hell, why didn’t you wake me up?"

"I’m sorry," I say softly, my stomach twisting into knots. "I didn’t want to bother you. I just… I needed to handle something on my own."

"Handle something on your own?" His voice is incredulous, and I can hear the anger simmering beneath the surface. "You don’t think I’d want to help you? Be there for you?"

I close my eyes, pressing my fingers to my temple. "It’s not that, Val. It’s just…my mom, she’s…"

"Yeah, Rhea mentioned something about her having issues that only you could explain," he interrupts, his tone clipped. "But why didn’t you tell me? Why did you just leave without a word? Do you know how that feels?"

The guilt washes over me, sharp and biting. "I’m sorry," I whisper again, my voice barely audible. "I just didn’t want to drag you into my mess. I thought I was protecting you."

"Protecting me?" He lets out a bitter laugh. "Laura, I’m not some fragile flower. I can handle it. I want to handle it. But you shutting me out like that…that’s not okay. I need to know what’s going on. I need to know where I stand."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I didn’t realize he felt this way, that he was so affected by my actions. I hadn’t considered how much it must hurt him to feel left out, to feel like I didn’t trust him enough. "Val, I?—"

He cuts me off, his voice firm. "I don’t want excuses. I want an explanation. Why did you think it was okay to leave like that without telling me? Why do you keep pushing me away?"

I’m silent for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts, tofind the right words. I want to explain myself, but everything feels tangled, like my emotions are knotted together and I can't pull them apart.How do I make him understand without pushing him further away?But I don’t have an answer. Not a good one, anyway. "I don’t know," I admit finally, my voice small. "I just… I don’t know."

There’s a heavy silence on the other end of the line, and I can feel the weight of his disappointment, his frustration.

"Alright," he says finally, his voice calmer, but still tense. "I get it. You’ve got a lot going on. But, Laura, I need you to figure it out. I need to know if you’re in this or not. I can’t keep doing this back and forth."

My heart sinks at his words, and I feel a fresh wave of tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. "I understand," I whisper, my voice trembling. "I’ll… I’ll figure it out. I promise."

"Good," he says, his tone softening slightly. "And Laura?"

"Yeah?"

"I care about you. More than you know. Don’t forget that."

His words linger in the air, wrapping around me like a blanket. The sincerity in his voice cuts through the fear, and for a moment, I feel like I can breathe again. "I won’t," I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat. "I care about you too, Val."

We say our goodbyes, and I hang up, promising to see him tomorrow. Staring at the phone in my hand, I feel lost, confused by Val’s reaction.

Part of me understands where he’s coming from, understands that he wants to be there for me, that he cares. But another part of me is scared, unsure of what to do next, how to let him in without dragging him into the chaos of my life.

---