Page 96 of Notes About Vodka

“With you, never! I want it all! The difficult, the crazy, the beauty that is so simple it takes our breaths away,” Val holds my hand in his as he moves the gear shifter.

We are being reckless.I don’t care.

Maybe it’s the weed, maybe it’s the euphoric feeling Val always gives me. But as he drives fast, way too fast, down a toll road connecting Manhattan to Brooklyn, I’m weightless, happy. The windows are down, snow is drifting inside and the wind whipping through my hair, and the music is blasting.Breatheby Télépopmusik comes on, and Val turns it up, glancing over at me with a grin.

“This is our song,” he says over the noise of the wind and the engine.

“Our song?” I ask, laughing, the wind carrying my voice away.

“Yeah,” he says. “It’s… I don’t know. It just feels like us. Just breathe, you know?”

I smile, feeling a rush of affection for him. “Yeah,” I say softly. “I know.”

We speed down the toll road, the city lights blurring around us, the world feeling wide open and full of possibilities. I glance over at him, his face illuminated by the passing streetlights, and I feel a warmth spread through my chest that has nothing to do with the weed or the adrenaline.

“Do you ever think about the future?” he asks, his voice serious, almost hesitant.

“All the time,” I admit. “But it’s hard to plan anything with…everything going on.”

“With Sam,” he says, and I can hear the frustration in his voice, the way it tightens his words.

“Yeah,” I say softly. “I’m still trying to divorce him, Val. It’s complicated.”

He’s quiet for a moment, the car speeding through the night. I watch the lights of the city flash by, the rhythm of them almost hypnotic. Then he surprises me.

“I don’t care,” he says, his voice firm, breaking through the hum of the engine. “I don’t care about Sam. I’m moving in with you,loving youanyway. Or you can move in with me. The only thing that matters is us, being together.”

I blink, stunned. “You… You love me?”

He glances over at me, his expression serious, his eyessoftening. “Yes, Laura. I love you. Ty — lyubov' vsey moyey zhizni. I think I loved you the moment you walked into the bar soaked and took a shot with me.”

I feel tears prick at the corners of my eyes, my throat tightening. No one has ever said that to me, not like this, not with so much conviction. “Val, I…”

Before I can finish, he pulls the car over to the side of the road, cutting the engine and turning off the music. The sudden silence is almost jarring. He turns to me, taking my face in his hands, his eyes searching mine.

“You are the love of my life, Laura,” he says again, his voice steady. “Ty — moya yedinstvennaya lyubov'.

I’m speechless, my heart pounding in my chest, each beat echoing in my ears.

He leans in and kisses me, slow and deep, and I melt into him, all my worries and fears dissolving in that moment. The world fades away, leaving just the two of us, the warmth of his lips, the feel of his hands holding me like I’m something precious.

When he pulls back, he’s smiling softly, his thumb brushing away a tear that’s slipped down my cheek. “I want to be with you, Laura. For real. No matter what.”

I nod, tears slipping down my cheeks, my heart full. “I want that too,” I whisper, my voice thick with emotion. I lean forward, pressing my forehead against his, closing my eyes. “I want you, Val. I want this.”

He kisses me again, and this time, it’s filled with a promise, a certainty that I haven’t felt in a long time. The future doesn’t seem so scary anymore, not with Val by my side. For the first time in a long time, I feel like maybe, just maybe, things are going to be okay.

We drive the rest of the way home to his place in a comfortable,happy silence, the music playing softly in the background, the effects of the weed making everything feel a little more surreal, a little more beautiful.

Val keeps one hand on the wheel, the other holding mine, his thumb rubbing gentle circles against my skin. It’s such a simple gesture, but it means everything to me right now. It’s a reminder that I’m not alone, that someone is here, holding on to me.

When we finally get back to his place, we can’t keep our hands off each other, stumbling through the door in a tangle of limbs and laughter. Val’s lips find mine, his hands on my waist, and I can feel the intensity of his need, the way it mirrors my own. It’s not just about the physical connection—it’s about everything we’ve shared tonight, the vulnerability, the honesty. It’s about letting go of the fear and just being with each other.

Val fucks me deep into the night, his body pressed against mine, his breath hot on my neck. He touches me like he’s trying to memorize every inch of my skin, like he’s trying to claim me, and I let him, wanting to be his in every way.

I’ll never be able to want anyone else. Not after this. He has eclipsed all others for me. If I am his sun, then he must be the moon.

Right? It’s a good hypothesis at least.

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