Page 53 of After the Rain

"I think I'm gay," I finally said, the words falling into the space between us like stones.

Marcus set down his beer and looked at me with an expression I couldn't read. "Okay. How are you feeling about that?"

"Terrified. Relieved. Like I've been lying to myself for thirty-eight years." I took a shaky breath. "Marcus, I need you to know this doesn't change anything about our business partnership. I'm still the same person, still?—"

"Wade." Marcus held up a hand, stopping my rambling. "Take a breath. You're my friend first, business partner second. Your sexuality doesn't change that."

The relief was overwhelming. "Thank you."

Marcus was quiet for a moment, seeming to wrestle with something. Finally, he spoke.

"Wade, can I tell you something? Something I've never told anyone except Julie?"

I nodded.

"I'm not entirely straight either." The words came out quietly, carefully. "I've been attracted to men for as long as I can remember, but I've also been attracted to women."

I stared at him, processing this revelation. "You're bisexual?"

"I think so. I've never acted on it, never explored it, because I found Julie and she was everything I wanted in a partner. But Wade, watching you struggle these past few weeks, seeing you tie yourself in knots over your feelings for Ezra... it's been like watching myself from the outside."

"You knew? About my feelings for Ezra?"

Marcus smiled sadly. "The way you light up when you talk about him? The way you've been questioning everything about yourself since you met him? Yeah, I knew. I recognized the signs because I've felt them myself."

"So when did you know?" I asked. "About being attracted to men?"

Marcus leaned back in his chair, considering the question. "College, probably. There was this guy in my business ethics class, Ryan. I found myself paying more attention to him than the material, making excuses to study together. I told myself it was just admiration, that I wanted to be like him."

The parallel to my own experience was striking. "But you married Julie."

"I did. And I love her, Wade. Completely, authentically love her. But that doesn't erase the other part of who I am." Marcus paused, choosing his words carefully. "I've learned that sexuality can be complex, that attraction doesn't always fit neat categories."

“When did you tell Julie?"

"Yes. About two years after we got married. I was terrified she'd leave me, think I'd deceived her somehow. But she said she appreciated my honesty, that she'd rather know all of me than love an incomplete version."

"How did that conversation go?"

Marcus smiled, but there was vulnerability in it. "Badly at first. She cried, asked if I was going to leave her for a man, if our marriage was a lie. It took time and couples therapy to work through it. But ultimately, it made us stronger. More honest with each other."

"Do you ever regret not exploring that part of yourself? Not dating men before you settled down?"

"Sometimes," Marcus admitted. "There's always a 'what if' in the back of my mind. But Wade, I chose the life I wanted. I chose Julie, I chose our marriage, I chose to build something real with her. That doesn't make me any less bisexual, but it does make me committed to the choices I've made."

"I don't think I have that luxury," I said quietly. "I can't choose to be straight, and I can't build something real with someone I'm not actually attracted to. I tried that with Sarah, and it hurt both of us."

"No, you can't. And you shouldn't. But Wade, you do have choices about how you move forward. You can choose courage over fear. You can choose authenticity over performance."

I nodded.

"Can I ask you something?" I said as our conversation wound down.

"Of course."

"Why are you telling me all this? You could have just listened to my confession and offered generic support."

Marcus smiled. "Because watching you struggle with this has been like watching myself ten years ago. Because everyone deserves to know they're not alone in figuring out who they are.And because..." He paused, seeming to wrestle with something. "Because I see how you look when you talk about Ezra, and I recognize that look. It's the same way Julie looks when she talks about something she loves deeply."

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