Page 61 of After the Rain

FIFTEEN

DRAWING LINES

WADE

The first crack in my carefully constructed world came Tuesday afternoon during Cooper's pickup. Sarah stood by her car fidgeting with her keys, her usual easy smile replaced by something that looked almost like guilt. The late October air carried the scent of dying leaves, and Cooper was practically vibrating with excitement about his upcoming birthday party.

"Daddy, can we pick up the streamers tonight?" he asked, bouncing on his toes. "And maybe look at the birthday cake pictures again?"

"Absolutely, buddy." I knelt down to hug him, breathing in that little-boy smell of playground dirt and bubble gum. "You have fun with Mommy, okay?"

As Cooper climbed into Sarah's backseat, chattering about decorations and presents, I noticed how she avoided meeting my eyes. Her hands shook slightly as she buckled his seatbelt.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"Fine," she said quickly, but the word came out strained. "Wade, can we... can we talk later? After Cooper's asleep?"

The request sent unease crawling up my spine. Sarah and I had been co-parenting smoothly for months, our conversations easy and focused on Cooper's needs. Whatever was making her this nervous couldn't be good.

Cooper seemed to sense the tension too. Instead of his usual excited chatter about his day, he glanced between us with the quiet awareness kids have when the adults in their world are stressed.

"Is everything okay, Daddy?" he asked, his small hand finding mine through the open car window.

"Everything's fine, buddy," I said, forcing a smile that felt like plastic. "You have fun with Mommy, and I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

As I watched Sarah's car pull away, Cooper's face pressed against the back window waving at me, I couldn't shake the feeling that our carefully constructed co-parenting arrangement was about to implode.

I spent the evening pacing my house, picking up toys that didn't need organizing and checking my phone every few minutes. When Sarah finally called around nine, I was sitting in my kitchen staring at the birthday party planning checklist Cooper and I had made together.

"Wade?" Her voice was tight with stress, and I could hear her moving around, probably pacing her apartment the way she used to when we were married and she was working through a problem.

"I'm here."

"I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me."

"I'm always honest with you, Sarah."

"Are you sure this relationship with Ezra is what's best for Cooper right now?" The question came out in a rush, like she'd been practicing it. "I mean, with all the attention you're getting,all the controversy... maybe it would be better to keep things quiet until the dust settles."

I set down the pen I'd been twirling between my fingers, giving her words my full attention. The birthday checklist suddenly felt insignificant compared to whatever was happening in Sarah's voice.

"Sarah, what's this really about?"

"I'm just concerned about Cooper. About how all this public scrutiny might affect him."

"Since when do you care about public scrutiny? You were the one who told me Cooper deserved to see his father living authentically."

"I know, but..." She trailed off, and I could hear her taking a shaky breath. "Things are more complicated than I realized. People are talking, Wade. At Cooper's soccer practice, at the grocery store, at work. They're saying things about our family, about our divorce, about why our marriage really ended."

The pain in her voice cut through my initial defensiveness. I'd been so focused on my own journey of coming out that I hadn't fully considered how it would affect Sarah's daily life in Cedar Falls.

"What kind of things?"

"That I failed as a wife. That I should have known you were gay. That I must have done something to turn you off women." Her voice cracked slightly. "Mrs. Henderson at the bank asked me yesterday if I was planning to get tested for STDs because you might have been cheating with men during our marriage."

The cruelty of that assumption hit me like a punch to the gut. "Sarah, I never cheated on you. Never. With anyone."

"I know that. But other people don't. They just see a gay ex-husband and assume the worst about our entire marriage. They look at me like I'm some pathetic woman who couldn't keep her husband interested in women."

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