Page 155 of A Soul to Touch

The cold pit that had dissipated since he’d begun to protect Mayumi returned tenfold when he understood that his end might be a lot closer than it had been before all this.

He wouldn’t blame Mayumi for baiting Demons and doing what she had been doing all her life. He’d never wanted to stop or change her. That’s not why he’d come to her.

All he wanted was to be by her side, even if it was a risk to his life – but never hers.

His gut twisted with worry, more than he’d ever experienced before. He hadn’t even been this mangled inside when his skull had originally been cracked.

All he’d needed to care about then was himself. Now... he feared for his pretty, wonderful, tempting little human.

What have I done?He thought as he brought his hands away from his face to stare at his claws.Why couldn’t things have been different?

He wanted the happiness he felt with her to be untainted by anything else. It was always there, a lingering dark cloud, and he just longed for the constant drizzle to clear away and give him true brightness.

Are Mavka not allowed to experience true happiness?

Yet, Orpheus and Magnar had seemed... happy. He envied them for that. A part of him hated them for it. Why could they have what he’d longed for? Why did he have to be the one suffering through this?

Why did Jabez have to target me?

He’d emotionally tormented Orpheus over hundreds of years, but Faunus was the only one he’d managed to get his hands on and truly brutalise.

I should have just lived alone. I should have just accepted the loneliness rather than try to live among the Demons.

Look at what it’d gotten him. Nothing but pain, and now everything he’d ever truly wanted was at his claw tips, right fucking there within his reaching grasp, and yet so much further away than ever.

Faunus continued to make his way to Mayumi’s home, needing to go back more than ever. His sight constantly switched between white and dark blue the entire way, his mind rotating with desolate and terrible thoughts.

They didn’t dissipate, not even when he saw her home and could smell that she was awake by the evidence of a cooking meal wafting through the air. He’d long ago been able to smell the sweetness of her fireplace.

Although the area smelt ripe with Demon blood, just as he thought it might, but it was somewhat hidden underneath musky, overpowering incense. From what he could see, there were two, hollow, round incense canisters that allowed the aroma to slip through their lids.

These two scents made it difficult to smell her sleepy pumpkin aroma beneath it. He desperately wanted to breath in that sweet scent and know she was safe.

I want to hold her.

He wanted to be comforted in that special way Mayumi did – the one where she didn’t need words or an explanation and just soothed him in the silence he needed.

He didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to share his pain and longing and fears right now. What he needed was her warmth and arms around him, clutching or nuzzling at his fur. He needed her acceptance and understanding that she showed rather than said with pretty words.

His fingertips found the painful barrier of her home. He considered shouting out so she could remove her charms but decided against it. Outside was cold, and he’d long ago begun tofeel... sheltered in her home that was far too small for him. It had been safe.

He pushed through it, shuddering at the pain.

Faunus had seen humans greet each other by the male or female running into the arms of the other. It had always touched his heart and made it swell in a profoundly heartfelt way.

He craved for her to gift him with such a greeting. As though she longed for him, missed him, and wanted to reach out to him just as much as her soul did.

He placed his hand on the door handle.

I just hope she isn’t mad at me for leaving her here for the past few days.

With nothing but her black breeches on, her chest bare and naked, Mayumi took in a large gulp of Marianna’s Sleeper to moisten her tongue and give her liquid courage. She was going to need it.

She shoved a partially saliva-damp cloth between her teeth and breathed in quick, shallow huffs through her nose. She tried her hardest not to close her eyes, the corners of her eyelids crinkling just as deep as her forehead, as she shoved a needle through her skin.

Her lips twitched under the power of her cringes.

Her left arm shook as she clenched her fist, but it was nothing in comparison to the agonized tremble her right hand gave, especially when it worsened when she did the other side of her wound. She swore she heard the pop of the needlepoint breaking through the layers of her skin after it’d been tenting her flesh.

---