Page 127 of A Soul to Embrace

I’m so dumb,she thought, tears rapidly floating from her once more.How did I not see it?

“It’s always been about my vendetta,” he answered coldly. “Everything I have done has been in the pursuit of my own revenge and survival. Every needless death, every bit of torture, every deception I have woven, was cleverly designed to bring me to Nyl’theria to destroy the Elvish. That hasalways been my goal.”

Zylah covered her orbs when she wished the tears would stop. She didn’t want him to see them or her pain, when he was the cause of both.

“Couldn’t you have found another way?”

“I did,” he stated, causing her to lower her hands. “And it was too late by the time I discovered it. I’d already learned that breaking your skulls was the answer to killing your kind, after centuries of trying to find out how, and I gave my decree immediately upon gaining that knowledge. Once I let go of my anger surrounding Katerina’s death and finally breaking free of her hatred fuelling my own, I figured out the answer. But, like I said, it was too late. Decrees and bounties taketimeto spread through the Veil, and even longer to undo them. If you wereattacked within the last five months before my ‘death,’ then I’d already removed my order and it mattered naught. I even told my army to leave your kind alone completely.”

“You undid it?” she asked, hope flaring in her chest.

“Yes, but what did it matter? The path I took to discover how to kill your kind means everything I did was unnecessary. I wastedyearson a pointless vendetta for another person, and ruined my own.” His right hand fisted as he threw his head to the side with his features twisted into what she thought,hopedeven, was shame. “I allowed it to go on for too long.”

“So you made a mistake?” she asked, creeping a foot forward as she dipped her head to the side he’d turned his own.

Please say it.She wanted him to admit to it, to apologise for it. She wanted him to regret it, because if he did... she may be able to forgive him. She wanted that more than anything.

Zylah...adoredhim. She didn’t wish to lose that if it was over something that brought him shame. People made mistakes. Of course, not as horrible as this, but she also didn’tcarefor anyone outside of them.

Well, perhaps she now cared for the few kind Demons she’d met recently, but that was only because she’d come to know them. Fayren, Rook... both these people had known her as herself, and they hadn’t shunned her. Instead, they welcomed her warmly and gave her a sense of self she didn’t know she lacked.

One without him. A sense of independence. She was capable of befriending others on her own.

She didn’t need him anymore, but she...longedfor him. Could that be enough? She wanted it to be. These feelings of betrayal hurt, but so did the idea of losing him.

The past few months were hard to let go of, even if this startling revelation was painful. He’d done much for her, more than anyone else had. She also didn’t want to bealoneagain.

“Of course I made a mistake,” he answered, shrugging one of his shoulders. “It’s the nature of those with intelligence, no matter what species. But the cost of certain mistakes is irredeemable, and I’m aware of that. I lost my friend many times over because of my fuck ups, and I doubt this conversation will end any other way but the same. I’ve always known that, which is why I sought to give you all the knowledge I could before then.”

Once more, hope fluttered in her chest.

“Did you help me to make up for it?” she asked, her tears ebbing until her orbs turned solid once more – despite the bottoms of them continuing to waver.

From the corner of his eye, his gaze slid to hers. Hardness befell his features as he said, “Partly. You did save me from death, and I felt indebted to you for that.”

She hated that he used the wordpartly, and a soft growl came from her. “You’restillhiding things.”

“Of course I am,” he said with a cruel chuckle. “The further you dig, the more you’ll find how much of a despicable person I am. The question is: how much do you want our time together to weigh on you painfully?”

His response made her gut tighten with worry. She chittered nervously and scratched at her collar of fur in thought. But she knew her answer.

“I want to know everything.”

“You really want to know?” It sounded like a warning and a threat all rolled into one.

Her shoulders turned inwards as anxious uncertainty made her want to hide. “Yes.”

Once more, his expression grew dark and unfeeling. And Zylah saw it for what it was: a wall. Not for her, but for himself. It was his way of hiding from his own emotions, to the point he suppressed them under callousness and emptiness.

“My main goal was to manipulate you enough that you felt indebted to me and disregarded your own wellbeing. And if you sought my companionship so deeply, you’d want to follow me anywhere, which meant becoming a tool I could wield in Nyl’theria. You would protect me as I made myself a champion with the Elvish Demons, convincing them to join my war and take over the Elven city. To essentially be my living shield and sword in a realm ruled very differently to this one, and one in which I am a nobody and my power is unknown. Once they saw your loyalty after you’d spilled your own blood for my sake, and the undying strength I wielded through you, then witnessed the overwhelming strength of my magic, they would bow to my whims until they gave me what I want.Thatis initially what kept me to your side.”

Of its own accord, her jaw fell in disbelief. Her sight deepened in its saddened hue, and she turned her skull away as a painful whine ripped up her throat.

“Quite horrible, isn’t it?” he said coldly, and she looked away even further until she couldn’t see him at all.

Zylah hugged her midsection, wishing the answer she’d sought wasn’t so despicable. She whimpered uncontrollably when it felt like her heart was about to give out.

“That is the kind of person I am. Everything I do is enveloped in cruelty and selfish gain. I take what I want with very little care for others, so long as I complete my goal.”

---