Page 130 of A Soul to Embrace

She thought those things about him too.

Sure, he’d lied to her by withholding the truth, but he’d admitted to not wanting to because of his ownaffection. He’d wanted to...bewith her, even if it was hidden behind deceit to simply prolong their time together.

He’d even once said he would share all this with her eventually, but he wanted her to like him more first.

She’d thought little of it at the time, figuring he was just being playful because she’d assumed nothing he told her could truly be that bad. It was all horrible, and had he kept quiet about how much he desired her, she may have truly come to hate him.

But she could see he regretted his past actions, that they did hold weight to him. He’d even tried to undo them.He reallyhas been trying to protect me.From himself, the world, from everything that could potentially be a danger.

She now understood why he’d been refraining from being intimate with her, or being affectionate with her when it was obvious she wanted more. He knew she’d feel betrayed by learning all this and hadn’t wanted to deepen that.

Even if he’d done many cruel things, he’d never purposefully done them to her. He didn’t even know her before two months ago. Sure, hehadbeen intending to manipulate her, but if he was being honest and he truly had disregarded that weeks ago, then... she knew she could forgive him.

Her reasons for keeping him hadn’t been fuelled by innocence. She wanted someone intelligent to teach her, but even before that she’d wanted someone,anyone, to ease her loneliness. She hadn’t cared if it was a fox, a human, or him. Just something.

And she’d killed many creatures in her attempts at that. If the raven-skulled Mavka hadn’t taken that redheaded human from her, she likely would have killed her too. But she had disregarded the danger she presented to the little female in the hopes a human could ease her loneliness.

That was considered selfish, wasn’t it?

“You knew telling me this would stop me from hating you,” she eventually stated, figuring that out on her own.

“Which makes the wound that much harder to bear when I leave.”

Zylah swallowed thickly. “B-but I don’t want you to leave.”

His lids lowered in obvious annoyance. “Come now. You can’t say you want me to stay after everything I just told you.”

“Why not?”

His head cocked like he hadn’t expected her response. “Because it would be foolish. I just told you I’m incapable of giving you anything of value, that I have caused immense pain toyour kind, and I have deceived you. This will irrevocably destroy your trust in me. You will question everything I do and say from here on out.”

“But if you promise to be honest from now on, then I could,” she rebutted, tilting her head. “I understand enough about my own feelings to know what I want and know what I can forgive.”

Perhaps it was naïve of her, but she did think if she showered him with affection, he’d truly return it. He’d already admitted to feelingsomethingfor her. Could that be enough? Zylah didn’t know the depths of what she wanted, but maybe they could discover that together.

She still had questions, like what a bride was for a Mavka. She didn’t even know what that was, and she’d instantly felt a pull towards him upon just learning of a possible deeper connection. She longed to know what it meant, and why her orbs flared pink when she’d looked at him when they were sitting on that tree branch in Spiral Haven.

His brows narrowed deeply and his ears drooped. He frowned, like he couldn’t understand her, to the point he even shook his head.

“I always knew you were hiding things,” Zylah admitted, bringing her hands down to fiddle with the bottom of her skirt in nervousness. “No, I didn’t know they would be anything like this, but I was hoping you’d come to care for me enough to share everything about yourself. I already knew some of it would be dark and nasty, and I did prepare myself a little.”

His lips pulled tight in disbelief, and he waved a hand through the air. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve seen people try to mend broken trust time and time again, and it always fails.”

Zylah hated how he immediately dismissed her. He was purposefully trying to kill her feelings for him, and she was beginning to wish that was possible. Perhaps she shouldn’thave pushed for the whole truth, since she really was finding it difficult to accept him leaving when she knew he felt something for her.

She didn’t even care how small that something was, which made her feel unbelievably pathetic.

The bottoms of her orbs wavered, but she tried to stop herself from crying again. A small whine ripped from her, just as the inevitable happened and floating droplets obscured parts of her vision once more.

“Why am I not good enough for you totry?” He said he cared, but he wasn’t willing to try, and that felt worse than anything else.

“Because I’m a monster!” Jabez roared, his fingers curled to bare his sharp, near claw-like nails as he threw one of his arms to the side. “What I have done is not forgivable! From the moment I stepped into this godsforsaken realm, I have been nothing but a darkness upon it. I have killed in leagues, tortured, bullied, and done everything in my power to get my way. I made sure anything that didn’t worship me feared me instead, and what retaliated against me died without remorse.”

He stomped closer, and the rage she saw was entirely directed inwards. It was nothing like before when he’d charged the air with chaotic magic. Instead, she thought she may be witnessing anguish, regret, and... self-loathing.

“You knownothingof what I have done, or what I am truly capable of. I would kill my friends so long as it benefited me. I tortured one of your kind, Zylah. You are holding on to tenderness for a monster who brutalised someone who had done nothing to warrant it. I plucked him from the inner ring, and I shoved him in fire, drowned him, buried him, cut off his head. I cut him open while he was conscious because your kind isindestructible,but I wanted fucking answers. I did anythingand everything I could to see how to kill your kind because I’m fuckingevil.”

“I don’t even know who that is!” she shouted back, trying not to flinch or grimace at the horrible things he was saying. “You want me to feel pity for someone I don’t know because you think it’ll make me hate you!”

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