Page 155 of A Soul to Embrace

The reason he was so reluctant to accept her offer was actually remarkably simple.

“I don’t want to see you hurt,” he admitted, having finally come to understand the problem.

She wasn’t just some strange Mavka to him anymore. He... cared about her – in ways he didn’t want, and yet couldn’t seem to resist drowning in.

If the last two days were any indication, he wanted to entangle his body with hers constantly. Not because he was simply a male who was horny and happy to bed anything that came sniffing his way, but because he liked her.

She was all sweetness. Her personality was soft against the sharpness of his own, her kindness soothing against the malice within him. She was the parallel symmetry to everything that was wrong with him. Others may have been concerned she bore a skull for a face and was covered in fur from neck to toe, but he found her beauty enchanting because of it. She was smart, her conversations engaging and holding his attentive interest.

She’d been turned into someone remarkable, and he liked how he’d never been able to shape her personality to his whims. Instead, she remained steadfast in her own self, and slowly opened up into a creature who had been driving him insane with the opposite of what he thought he’d want in a mate – if he ever chose one.

He thought he’d want someone bitchy and catty so they could be strong against his crude arrogance. Someone sexual and overconfident, so he could dominate them for fun.

Instead, Zylah was cute and gentle, making him want to pamper her rather than needle her. She was sensual in a way that was bashful and shy, which only made him hunger to makeher naughty and wicked. She was confident where it mattered, but easy to emotionally control, andthathad him wanting to heed to her rather than have her bend to him.

He found her comforting, her scent and voice having the power to lull him. He’d never been able to find that in another – not even within himself.

She was the opposite of what he thought he’d consider attractive in another, and it kept throwing him off. Unpredictable, yet easy to read.

This is what he’d discovered in the past few days, and it only ensured he was more conflicted than ever.

With her skull buried against her knees, and refusing to unfurl herself, she asked, “But shouldn’t I be the one who gets to choose if I get hurt or not?”

“You’re asking to join me in a war, Zylah,” he stated with a solemn sigh, lifting his gaze to the forest to stare at it. “You’re asking me to watch you be hurt for something that is entirely my fault.”

“And what about you? What if you get hurt, or... ordie?” she croaked, her arms tightening around her legs.

“That is the price I’d pay for something I started.”

“But I’d never know... and I wouldn’t be there tohealyou.”

“I have looked after myself my whole life,” he stated, as if she’d forgotten all he’d told her. He was capable of protecting himself to some degree and could heal himself. “This is my last chance, and if I don’t succeed this time...”

Well, Jabez wasn’t sure if hewantedto survive. He doubted he’d be able to live with the crushing defeat and regret. All he’d done... all the horrible, shitty, vile things... they’d be meaningless. He’d forgiven himself simply because there was no other way to move forward if he didn’t, so long as he still reached for the reason he did it all.

If that was gone, then he’d just done a bunch of fucked-up shit for no reason. Even if he’d failed miserably many times in the past, they had all been stepping stones in some way – a tactic that failed but ensured he made better moves in the future.

“Can’t you find another way?” Zylah pleaded, as a haunting whine ripped from her.

He crinkled his eyes in anguish, finding the sound unbearably painful, like it’d scraped against his very essence.

But I don’t want to be the reason she’s hurt.Physically... or emotionally.

Once he went to Nyl’theria and began his plans, he had a feeling he’d harden. He’d be on alert constantly, paranoid about those all around him. He’d be curt with her in front of Demons he didn’t trust, having to feign a lack of interest in her simply so they couldn’t use her against him. He thought she had the intelligence to understand that, so behind closed curtains he could dole affection on her freely, but she’d be a vulnerability for him.

A very, very difficult one to exploit, considering her attributes, but one nonetheless.

But he didn’t want his callousness or his actions to hurt her heart, which he thought may be a much easier way to pierce her. He’d be distracted, unable to give her the attention she sought, simply because he wanted to infiltrate the Elven city.

How was that fair?

The darkness in him wanted both: herandhis goal. But at the same time, he wanted to be selfless for once. To protect her, even if it meant cutting himself out of her life.

He could ask her to wait so they could revisitthemin the future and see what possibility could truly work between them. He was currently infatuated with her to the point she was halting him from moving forward. If there was a chance that he could develop more for her, he wasn’t against trying.

But he could be asking her to wait a long time for something that may never happen. He could die and never return. Presenting that future to her seemed crueller than anything; it could be a year, or a hundred, before he obtained what he wanted.

In that time, he didn’t know what he was capable of, nor who he may turn into. He may not want to come back once he was done.

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