Page 200 of A Soul to Embrace

He lifted his hand to touch the refracting ray on the wall above their heads, only to wince and pull away.They lock away my magic behind an enchantment, but put me in a room that’s likely to kill me if I don’t cover myself.

Then again, they’d warned him of this only possible alternative to the prison cells, and he’d agreed. There had been nowhere else to put them, and the council only allowed this so long as he submitted and let them put these golden bracers on his wrists.

He noticed the way they shimmered as they nullified his magicwhen he tried to cast a sun barrier against his skin. The mana flow tingled, but nothing happened.

The fact they haven’t learned how to do this kind of spell surprises me.They had Demons in their midst, yet they weren’t protecting them fully.

Then again, it wasn’t hard to stay in the shade, so long as the person wasn’t an idiot.

He let his arm fall and curled it around Zylah, pulling her soft body closer so he could rest his tired eyes.I still haven’t slept.Something had been weighing on him since their arrival in the city. It had grown heavier in the many following hours, but his mind refused to quieten to let him sleep.

A curse that had been strangling him his entire life.

Had he not been injured and expended such energy in order to heal himself, it may not feel so pressing. Still, closing his eyes for a little while and holding her had relieved some of the pressure behind his aching, squinting eyelids. He could only imagine how bruised the inner corners of the flesh beneath his eyes appeared.

As much as he would have liked to fuck her relentlessly in the confines of this room, unsure when they’d have the freedom to do so safely again, he hadn’t been able to muster the strength for a second round, let alone more. He was just too tired, and his heart had been throbbing in his chest. He’d managed to convince her to let them cuddle while lying down, and he removed his cock from her to stop her trying to wiggle on it.

After he caressed her back, feeling how few protruding vertebrae she had, she’d quickly fallen asleep. It gave him time to think and reflect without her noticing him retreating into his mind.

As resistant as he’d been about being intimate, at the time truly doubting he’d be able to get his dick up, he was thankful Zylah had pushed for it.

Jabez knew the distraction had been needed. He’d been able to sense his mind slipping into unfiltered chaos. He’d been losing his sense of self, unable to stop reflecting on his life, his past, his mistakes, and how it’d all led to this place where he felt so damn lost. He’d been reeling from the moment he walked through those hallowed gates of false promises.

He’d been sinking into the muck of depression.

Every time he’d shaken his thoughts and tried to refocus them back on figuring out a solution and mapping out the course of their next actions, where they would go or what they would do, they kept going back to his behaviour within the conference chamber. He could only imagine how pathetic he’d appeared, slumped over on his knees with his arms bound behind his back,cryinglike a damn child.

He hadn’t cried since the day he left Nyl’theria at seventeen, and he hated that he’d been harbouring such torment, only to release it in front of those particular people. They were his enemies and were the cause of his suffering to begin with.

He couldn’t believe just the possibility of being returned to the place he’d been locked away had so easily broken him under the weight of his fear. He’d once vowed that he’d never feel that way again.

That being said, he also vowed he’d never return here without an army.

He’d also been battling with the way he tried to think of a solution that meant they could remain here, just so Zylah’s safety was guaranteed. He didn’t care for his own wellbeing – he was used to being amidst destruction and violence – but he didn’t want that for her.

Yet he’d foolishly tied her to him, and he’d felt like a horrible anchor for her because of it. It was his fault that they’d be turned away, and she’d suffer as a result.

And after experiencing her in agonising pain, he knew he couldn’t bear it again. The anxiety, the grief, the regret, and the self-loathing had been too much for him to swallow. It’d been too thick and hard for him to gnaw his fangs through without shattering them.

That was even before she became his mate.

For a moment, he’d regretted giving her his soul because it meantshewas stuck withhim.Not quite the self-loathing realisation he’d wanted to come to right after committing to her.

So, he’d been giving up. His vengeance and need for retribution had been slipping through the cracks of his fingers, and it brought on a sense of loss. He could feel himself withering away on the inside, no longer knowing who he was supposed to be or what he was supposed to do without his goal driving him forward.

Jabez did not know himself outside of his idealistic goal.

His eyes cracked open so he could lazily stare at Zylah’s fur-covered sternum.She’ll never understand what she did for me.

He’d needed her to wake him from his stupor before it was too late. He’d needed her to be her sweet, cute, and arousing self, completely ignorant and unaware of how broken he’d been inside. Her actions may have been the opposite of what most would consider appropriate for someone suffering within the depths of their misery, but it’d been perfect for him.

He didn’t know how to talk about his innermost thoughts, especially with her, as he didn’t wish to burden her with them. Giving him a sympathetic hug would have done little more than offer him warmth as he dwelled in those same thoughts, and it may have actually worsened them. He imagined coddling him like a child would’ve only reminded him of the motherly affection he’d been torn from. After that, the only thing he’d had to embrace him all his life was the cold, numbing darkness.

No, he’d needed lust.

Using his body was the only way he knew how to communicate with another, whether it be sexually or violently.

She’d also stopped him from fucking into her with feral aggression as he tried to pound his anger and frustration into someone who didn’t deserve it. He could only imagine the shame that would have crested over him afterwards had he been the one in control and let his agony lead their intimacy. Instead, she’d taken him her way, forcing him beneath her and beingmostlyin control.

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