Page 76 of A Soul to Embrace

Jabez couldn’t help speaking quietly, as if that would make what he said less weighty.

“By thinking him a monster and treating him as one, she abused his naïvety and ignorance. How was that any better than what Orpheus had done to her? Nothing he did was out of malice, which is more than I can say for many other males.”

Jabez looked to Fayren, silently asking her if what he thought was wrong. She was a woman – perhaps she would have more insight into a situation he’d struggled to understand for the longest time. He’d completely sided with Katerina at first until she accidentally admitted to certain things that ended up skewing his perception of her.

It painted a very complicated picture of what had truly happened over the many years of him listening to Katerina complain.

“I never thought about that,” Fayren stated, then let out a low hum, cupping her chin as she considered his words. “I know Merikh lacked humanity when you first brought him to the castle, but I never even considered Orpheus’ mental age with regard to Katerina.”

“What’s worse, she still refused to communicate or explain anything. She even admitted that to me, stating she just didn’t see the point when he was too stupid to understand.” Jabez’s ears darted back as he shrugged with his hands. “But they truly aren’t that idiotic.”

He hadn’t liked hearing that, nor how she then further manipulated him because she knew sex would make him subservient to her.

Jabez was all for manipulating others, but had he abused a female in such a way, people would consider him truly,trulyvile and unforgivable. If the roles had been reversed... Jabez shuddered at the thought.Why are females forgiven for actions they’d condemn a male for doing?How was that fair?

But he also understood that in the back of her mind, she thought she was doing it to protect herself. She claimed it ‘tamped down his aggression,’ but Jabez had always been left with one question: How had she lived, for years, with a creature who was walking death if that was true?

If he’d been truly aggressive, she would have ceased breathing long before Jabez had been able to grow infatuated with her from a distance.

Jabez brushed his hands over the top of his head in frustration, expecting to feel loose strands. He flinched, grunted, and finally yanked his ponytail free, annoyed he was having this conversation despite the unexpected relief from finally talking about it.

“I refused to let that be Zylah’s future. If no one explained this to her, she would be left open to abuse. Not only would she be like Orpheus, who didn’t know his own body, but she could end up like Katerina, who felt taken advantage of. Her pain would have been twofold, and foreseeing that... like I mentioned, leaving her uneducated would make me negligent. It would mean I had a hand in her pain.”

Of course things were different, as Zylah, despite her length of life, was physically, emotionally, and mentally more mature than any Mavka he’d come across, other than Merikh. The fact that Mavka didn’t age like a human or even an Elf, but more like a Demon, made things complicated. But that didn’t take away the fact that ignorance could be abused, and Jabez wasn’t the kind of person to do that, nor was he the kind of person to sit by andwatchit happen.

“Sometimes I forget that even though you still look so young, you have many hundreds of years of experience. To even consider this... you’re right. Keeping her uninformed could have had disastrous results for her.”

“It doesn’t fucking help that Katerina tried to put me in Orpheus’ place,” he bit out, still rather spiteful over it, even though it had happened nearly two centuries ago.

Once more, Fayren’s brows narrowed, and she turned to him. “What do you mean?”

His nose wrinkled in disgust, while guilt, shame, and anger slipped down his spine like hot lava.

“It’s no secret that I offered Katerina a new life because I fancied her. She was beautiful, and something about her defiant gaze when she peered at Orpheus humoured me.”

“Well, yes. You were rather charming chasing her around your castle.” Fayren gave a small laugh, trying to alleviate the heaviness of the conversation. “I suddenly saw the youth on your face, when you always came across so cold and callous.”

“I was twenty-six. I was already starting to come into my prime by that point,” he admitted. “But I’d bedded enough Demons to have years of experience under my belt.”

He’d chosen his sexual companions diligently. Those who he’d been intimate with had all been knowledgeable and nearing completion. Some had more monstrous forms, but that hadn’t lessened their appeal to him – actually, sometimes it’d excited him.

“The first time I attempted intimacy with Katerina, she voiced her consent. She helped me remove her dress and even laid on my damn bed.”

His face and ears grew hot, both in embarrassment and shame. Knowing he couldn’t hide his expression through sheer will, he covered his face with a palm.

He spoke behind it.

“But the moment I touched her, tried to kiss her, she turned as stiff as stone. No matter how much I asked if she wanted me, and she said yes, it didn’t take me long to realise that, in her heart, she didn’t. I didn’t understand why. I tried to do everything right, but I had enough experience to know when a female was ready and wanting. The moment I realised what was happening, I grew so disgusted with myself, and at her, that I just tossed her dress at her and told her to get out.”

“Jabez,” Fayren cooed, likely due to how his voice dropped an octave in distress, but he pressed on.

“I’ll never forget the way she fucking screamed at me for it. It was like she couldn’t understand why I was suddenly rejecting her.” He dug his fingers into his closed eyes when a growl slipped from him in anger. “It took her some time before she got past her rage and finally admitted the truth. She was only doing it because she thought her body was the price for my protection. That, if she denied me, I’d feed her to the rest of the Demons in my home, even though Ineversaid that.”

He pulled his hand from his face and turned to Fayren. Her mouth had fallen open in disbelief, yet he could see the anger reflected in her eyes.

She knew he’d never do such a thing. He may have been a cruel prick, but he’d never abuse a female like that.

“In that moment, I felt like Orpheus. I could...seehow he would have been so confused. She made me a fuckingmonsterin her head, before I’d even done something wrong. She didn’t see me as a man, but a beast, a Demon, a lesser being. In that moment, I knew she saw me as a monster, just one more tolerable and perhaps more handsome than the one she’d just spent years with. Orpheus was a virgin. At leastIhad the experience to know why she was so cold and could prevent crossing that line with her. But how was that fair on me? On him?”

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