Page 78 of A Soul to Embrace

He also believed their first sexual encounter was part of the reason he’d never truly loved her – if he’d even been capable of such an emotion. Every little thing she did, anything that was manipulative, or a twisted lie, meant she chopped down his affection bit by bit.

For a long time, Jabez had questioned why he was still keeping her around. It was simple: he’d promised her protection. He’d promised he would get revenge for her, and he was a man of his word. He was also petty and didn’t want her to be right that he’d kill her because he had a bad temper, even when she sometimes infuriated him to the point he wanted to bash his head against a wall.

Because I liked her and still cared about her, even until the end.He’d been young and infatuated when he first met her, which had made him emotionally immature when it came to her. But over time, and as he’d gotten older and wiser, he’d simply enjoyed her companionship, even if their relationship wasn’t fully affectionate.

They’d been... friends, kind of. She was the only person he’d been able to trust to some degree after Merikh’s disappearance.

He didn’t give two shits about Orpheus. If killing him made her happy, then why should he care? Orpheus would’ve just been added to the many others he’d ended.

But Jabez had only discovered the truth of how much that vow would ruin his plans.

He sighed as he palmed his face again, tiredness and frustration rolling into him like a drowning wave. He wished he could have explained all this to Fayren, to truly get it off his chest, but he just didn’t have the will to share more than what he was currently allowing himself.

His pain from Merikh’s absence... the regrets he had... they were just too heavy a burden for him to unload on her – and he was ashamed about them too.

But there was one shame he could share, despite how sour it tasted.

“She made me blind in my war, Fayren,” he muttered, filling in the silence they had both fallen into.

“I know...” she muttered. “You let her hatred fuel your own. I did try to tell you that, but you’re not really one to listen.”

He sneered at her ‘I told you so.’ Then he glared at her petulance, causing her to lift her eyes away coyly, and he let out an exhausted expire.

“After Merikh permanently left, I was angry at him for leaving me. I thought that if I helped Katerina and rid the world of Mavka, it’d destroy Lindiwe and Weldir’s bond enough that she’d break off whatever contract they have. With her gone, and his children fading, it’d weaken him. I just needed a moment, just a day of him being powerless so I could undo his ward. I already knew the code to it, but my magic just couldn’t combat his – he’s a fuckinggod, after all.” He lowered his face so he could turn to her, and softly said, “I wanted to keep my promise to the Demons I boasted to about returning home. I wanted to do right by them too.”

“You’ve always cared about us too much,” Fayren stated in a soft, almost motherly voice, as she reached out to squeeze his knee. “You tried to hide it, but many of us could see how much you wanted to help us.”

He allowed the intimate touch but was thankful she wisely kept it short and retracted her hand quickly.

Jabez wished he’d known the answer to success was never to be found on Earth.

Had he not been so tied to this realm, to ending Mavka, then he would have seen that going to Nyl’theria and rounding up anarmy onthatside of the portal would have achieved much better results. They could have destroyed the Elven city years ago, and then Weldir would no longer need to keep up his ward.

He could have removed the barrier of their return from the other side. He would have been deemed a hero to his people.

“I only had a few years left to keep my promise to her,” he continued, before glancing away. “She was dying. She didn’t know it, of course, but the magic keeping her young and alive was beginning to diminish. The gilded ore I’d used to make her necklace powered that magic, and I could see it fading.”

“I thought you were the one keeping her alive.” Her furry ears twitched in interest, the conversation of magic and power items one that stirred passion in her. “Couldn’t you just replace it?”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t work like that. From the tome I read, it could only be used one time. I could make another if I mined for more gilded ore, but they couldn’t be worn at the same time. Didn’t matter in the end anyway. Orpheus’ bride rammed a fucking sword through Katerina’s chest before then.”

He still couldn’t believe someone under his sworn protection and care was murdered right before his very eyes.Then again, we both had it coming.He should have foreseen the failure.

Just as he should have seen the fall of his home. How Lindiwe would eventually bring him so close to death that if it weren’t for Zylah, he’d have ceased breathing.

He’d been on a failing path from the beginning.Had I just gone to Nyl’theria sooner...

“I’m... tired, Fayren,” Jabez admitted with an exasperated huff. “I’m no closer to success than I was two years ago. Two hundred years ago. From the day your mother and I first came here.”

She offered him a sympathetic gaze and a head tilt. “Is there nothing you can do?”

“There is – there’s actually a few things, but...” He looked over his shoulder to make sure the area was empty before lowering his voice. “The best option would require Zylah venturing with me to Nyl’theria.”

She dipped her head forward and came a little closer. “Why are you whispering?” she muttered back.

“Because I considered being the cunning bastard that I am and manipulating her into her complying. However, I’m beginning to feel rather shitty about that.”

“Because you like her?” Fayren gave him a cheeky, toothy grin, and he cringed.

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