Page 86 of A Soul to Embrace

At least with Fayren’s help, Zylah would fully comprehend what was happening. She would know where each touch would be leading them and could actually formulate proper consent with complete and utter understanding of what that meant.

Even if it wasn’t with him. Even if Jabez and Zylah were never intimate, as hestillhad no plans for such a thing, she could at least walk into that situation with another knowingly.

He’d protected her from himself,andfrom others. He’d shielded her from the potential harm to her mind and heart.

Figuring all this out brought on more questions. Yes, he desired this female Mavka, but was that all? No, obviously not. He’d spent two months with her, and not once had her company bothered him – he couldn’t remember feeling that way before. Everyone usually annoyed him, but he just felt...calmnext to her.

Even if he held back many of his emotions, until today, it was usually because they weren’t strong enough to surface.

He liked who she was. There was no deviousness, no malice, no ulterior motives, no ploy for manipulation. She merely wanted his company because, apparently to her, it was pleasant.

My company has never been pleasant to another.

He was a temperamental person at best, and at worst, he was a complete prick. His indifference regarding other’s feelings could cut like a blade, and his anger often made Demons cower.

And in the face of his shouting, Zylah had returned it!

Only Fayren was foolish enough to do so, due to her being a rather spirited female. Then again, Fayren had never attempted to use or manipulate him, and had cared for his wellbeing all her life. She attempted to pamper, placate, and later on in her life, mother him as if she saw who he really was beneath all his different masks.

Those innocent things meant Fayren could scream and assault him with a wooden spoon all she wanted, and it meant she was safe from his ire.

Just as Zylah, apparently, was safe from it.

He cast a glance at her from the corner of his eye as they walked through the forest towards Spiral Haven. His damn chest panged at her state.

No matter that they’d been walking for a good half an hour, the bottom of her orbs still wavered despite the blue in them receding closer to a teal. She was obviously stressed about the prospect of him leaving her and dwelling on it.

Did she think he’d come to such a decision easily?

The truth was: it may have been a lie. A ruse to get that cute fluffy bunny tail of hers to follow him.

The further they walked and his anger cooled, the more uncertain he became.

In his mind, he tried to chalk it up to just wanting to wait to see if she’d accompany him to Nyl’theria. That she would help him, as no one else could, or rather, would. He wasn’t ready to let go of that possibility, as it was the best option for giving him a successful outcome in this war he’d started.

A war he still couldn’t let go of. He doubted he’d ever be able to. He’d always be thinking of ways to finally get what he wanted.

But was his attachment to her... deeper than that?

He hoped not. He hoped his heart or dick weren’t leading him when he needed his mind more than ever. He didn’t need to add confusion and complications to their currentfriendship. He didn’t want nor need a female companion for the rest of his days.

He also just thought he’d be a horrible mate. He was arrogant, self-centred, and rude. If he did gain a female’s affections, he had no doubt it wouldn’t take long before he squashed them by just being himself.

Why take such a risk when he foresaw such failure?

Then again, having someone else to lean on did pique his interest, as he’d never truly had that. Someone he could hold as he woke up, hopefully in a comfortable bed and in an Elven city taken over by him and his fellow Demons. Someone warm and soft, but strong enough he didn’t have to temper his strength and lust.

Can’t do that with a human.He’d probably break their hips or bruise their buttery skin. Restraining his strength for the better part of two centuries had taken a toll on his enjoyment of sex. An Elf would hold the same strength as him, but he’d rather launch himself into a fire than bed one of those foul creatures.

And Demons... well, he’d learned it was better not to fully trust them. That, or he’d just had poor judgement regarding those he’d picked in the past.

Once more, he was reminded of Fayren’s finger counting as he labelled off things he’d like in a female, knowing she was trying to show him Zylah had those qualities. Apparently he was adding to that list, even without the pesky fox Demon nearby.

Seeing that Zylah was still clutching one of the newest books he’d obtained for her – he couldn’t tell which one – he noted that she’d clawed her way through the thick cover. If she clutched it any harder in sorrow, she’d destroy it.

Fuck. Now I just feel bad.

Jabez sighed as he turned his narrowed gaze forward before his features softened. Guilt slipped down his nape at the knowledge he’d brought her to this near-teary state.

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