Page 18 of 12 Gays of Christmas

DECEMBER 17

COLIN

The wordsSwimmer Bod Dudeare burned into my brain from staring at the chalkboard for too long. Death is appealing right about now. I’m about as unattractive as you can get, but at least I stopped throwing up hours ago. This is why I don’t drink.

Bits and pieces of the night float back to torture me. Trying to dance on the table. Gil grabbing my hands in the car. Oh my fucking God. Did I really try to tickle his dick?

I regret everything about yesterday.

Maybe not the game. After I got my heart broken by the one football player we don’t speak of, I swore to never go to another football game. I broke that promise to myself a while back. I’ve been going to Gil’s home games since the season started. I’ve always left, so he didn’t know I was there. I’m not sure why. Maybe I haven’t wanted to give anyone that kind of power over me again. Remi showed up yesterday to complain about all the pacing that might have sounded like stomping. So I convinced him to go with me. That was the easy part. Waiting outside the locker rooms so we could cheer the guys on, and so Gil knew I was there, was the hard part.

No. This is the hard part. After everything I thought we shared, Gil is on another date. I don’t know Swimmer Bod Dude, but I also don’t believe Gil when he says the list isn’t about anyone in particular.

Just when I think it can’t get any worse, my phone rings with a video chat. I look like death. But I can’t ignore it.

“Hey, Mom.” I try to give her a convincing smile.

She narrows her eyes. “What happened to you?”

I move to the couch. This might be a long call. “I went to the football game yesterday.”

“I think I might need more than that.”

Nat’s face appears beside Mom’s. “Bro. Please tell me you went to the after-party, got hammered, and confessed your undying love to Gil.”

“Ugh. Go away.”

“Colin,” she whines, and I have to make it stop.

“Two out of three.”

“How?” She shakes her head. “You go to the party. Get hammered. There’s no way you don’t make a move on Gil.”

I stare at my sweet sister, mortified, and my cheeks start burning.

“Oh my God, you did.”

“Did you?” Mom pushes my sister out of the way. “Does that mean you’re coming home now? Bring Gil with you.”

“No, no, no.” I grasp my hair and pull. “Gil and I aren’t together.”

“How did you fuck this up?”

“Language,” Mom and I yell at Nat before Mom continues, “But seriously, Colin, how did you mess this up.”

“Whose side are you on, Mother?”

“I’m on the side that gets your butt home for Christmas and, unlike last year, with no moping. The only way that is possible is for you to bring him with you.”

“He’s probably going to go home, Mom. He has a home, you know.”

“Uh-huh.”

It’s no secret that my mom doesn’t agree with how Gil’s mom treats her son. “I’m helping Gil with something. Then I’ll be home.”

“Can I talk to Gil?” my sister asks. “I want to show him my new Manga graphic novel.”

I sigh, rubbing my forehead and trying to soothe my pounding head. “He’s not here. He’s…” Fuck. Can I pretend there’s static on the phone? I accidentally lost the call?

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