Page 21 of 12 Gays of Christmas

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Colin ison the couch watching TV when I walk into our apartment. He pauses what he’s watching. “How’d it go?”

I stare at the screen where Arthur Dent is lying in front of a bulldozer. Colin is watching a movie. Our movie.The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. With a sigh, I make it to the chalkboard in three steps and cross offSwimmer Bod Dudewith one stroke.

“That bad, huh?”

I jam my hands in my pockets. “I’m sure he thinks it went great.”

He nods like he understands, and I realize Colin might actually get it. “Want to talk about it?”

“Nope.”

“Want to watchHitchhikers’ Guidewith me? I just started it.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. All I want to do is retreat to my room and never come out. But that sounds pathetic. And lonely.

“Don’t make me watch this all by myself.”

I laugh. “You watch this by yourself all the time.” But I shrug out of my coat, grab a drink from the fridge, and settle on the couch next to him. Not close enough to be weird. When did that become a thing I worried about?

Colin pushes Play, and the familiar sounds of the movie come on. But all I can hear is the blood rushing through my head, competing with my thoughts. The highs and lows of the date. The humiliation when I realized I couldn’t go through with it. Kein’s lips on my cheek.

“He tried to kiss me.” I blurt the words like they’re a poison I need to spit out before it takes over my entire body.

“Tried?” Colin asks as he pauses the movie again. “What happened?”

“I…”Deep breaths, Gil. Focus on answering his question without vomiting all over the couch Colin’s mom bought.“I couldn’t do it.”

“Did he have bad breath?”

“What?” I stare at him. There’s a smile at the edge of his mouth. Oh. This is Colin’s way of easing the tension. Giving me an out. And for a split second, I imagine capturing that smile. Kissing him right there. I turn away so I don’t give in and mess up our friendship. “No. His breath was fine.” I squeeze my eyes shut so I don’t have to see his face. “I’ve never kissed a guy before.”

“Oh.”

When he doesn’t say more, I open my eyes. He’s staring at the chalkboard, but I’m not sure if he’s seeing it. “It’s not much different from kissing a girl. Just more enjoyable.”

Right. I left some parts out. I shrug and stare at my hands. No way can I admit this. Not even to Colin. He touches my wrist. And my body takes notice. My dick takes notice.Where were you when I needed you, asshole?

“Have you ever kissed a girl, Gil?”

I give one quick shake of my head, wanting to get my denial and confession over as fast as possible so I can go ahead and die of embarrassment.

“You should have said something.”

I bark out a laugh. “Yeah, because admitting I’ve never been kissed isn’t super humiliating.”

“How can I help you if I don’t know the problem?”

I snort. “You can’t help me with this, Colin.”

The air seems supercharged. He nods and then seems to draw himself up. “You just need practice.”

“I’ve practiced,” I say defensively and then realize my mistake. My face heats up, and I try to stand, but Colin’s hand tightens around my wrist.

“You’ve practiced?” he asks gently. “On your arm?”

“I plead the fifth.”

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