Page 41 of 12 Gays of Christmas

I try to focus on everything but Gil and Remi and this mysterious exhibitionist—art dude. I wait as long as I can, but I finally break down.

Me: Keep an eye on him. Please.

Renemy: Always. *winky face*

Me: Asshole.

Renemy: Just helping out.

Then I get a picture of Gil standing next to a cute guy with blue hair, dimples, and an easy smile. I hate him immediately.

Me: What do you know about this guy?

Renemy: He’s got a big dick.

He’s messing with me. I know that.

Renemy: Need proof?

Me: Absolutely not.

But then another picture comes in. This one shows the artwork. The sculpture incorporates several elements, all wrapped around a large metal penis.

Renemy: His dick is huge. I think Gil’s impressed.

I laugh, and that turns into sputtering and hiccuping and maybe even some crying. God. My phone rings. Remi. I almost ignore him. “What?”

“This is fun, boo,” he says, sounding twelve, “but I’m starting to get bored. Why don’t you jump him and get it over with.”

“That’s not a thing. I’m not jumping my roommate.”

“This time?”

“Remi,” I say, trying to sound threatening and failing, “please stop. I don’t want—”

“Hold on.” His voice turns serious, and a fission of worry travels up my spine. After several moments where I want to reach through the phone and throttle him or get in my car and drive to the art gallery, he comes back on. “I have to go.”

“What? Why?”

“I can’t find Gil or Stu anywhere.”

Panic races through me. “But wasn’t that your plan?”

“Yeah, with Eduardo. He’s sweet and probably straight. Stu will chew your guy up and spit him back out.”

“Remi. Goddammit.”

“And some guys like that but Gil—oh shit. Gotta go.”

No matter how many times I text Remi, he never replies. Did his phone die, or is he ignoring me? I pace the floor, try to wrap presents, reorganize the junk drawer, and then give up and pace some more. Finally, when I’m about to get in my car and hunt them all down, I hear the key in the door. Thank fuck.

Gil walks in, trying to be quiet.

“Hey.”

He jumps, his eyes rushing to my face with his hand covering his heart. It would be comical if I wasn’t worried as hell. “Colin. I thought you’d be asleep.”

“I’m…not.” I want to tell him how worried I was, but that would be too much. Gil doesn’t owe me anything.

---