Page 43 of 12 Gays of Christmas

“Colin.” My name is a breathy whine on his lips.

“It’s okay, babe. There’s no one here but us. Tell me what you want.”

“Yes.” It’s barely a whisper. I need more.

“You want to be owned. Someone pounding into you?”

“Yes. God, yes.” His voice is more confident.

“Do you touch yourself there? The big jock brought to his knees by a cock up his ass?” He’s thrusting into my hand, his movements jerky. I grab my cock with my free hand and try to jerk us both off. It’s frustratingly difficult.

“Let me,” he says, pushing my hand away. And then Gil’s touching me. His hand covers my cock as he strokes me, matching my rhythm. When he tenses, squeezing my cock as his orgasm hits, I go over the edge with him.

The video is over, and the only sound in the room is the ticking of the clock and the sounds of us trying to catch our ragged breath. That’s when it hits me. I not only watched porn with Gil, but we got each other off. Where do we go from here?

I grab tissues and hand him a bunch. It isn’t adequate, but it will have to do. He avoids my gaze as he gets himself back together.

“Gil, I—” But nothing I can say is adequate. And everything I want to say would freak him out. Nothing has really changed. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. That was…educational.” He gives me a quick smile. “Thanks.”

And then he’s off the couch and in his room before I can say another word.

DAY TEN: FRIDAY AND THE LIBRARIAN

DECEMBER 22

GIL

The campus is closedsince it’s semester break. Everyone’s gone home for Christmas. Everyone but me and Colin. Last year, he left as soon as finals were over. But I know why he’s stayed this year. Because I’m pathetic and have nowhere to go. It’s one of the reasons I moved out of the dorms as soon as possible. Because when the campus closed down, I would need a place to stay. And being here by myself is slightly less pathetic than being at home without anyone there.

Just the memories of my dad and our happy family before he died. Before my mom went on a mission to save the world.Glad the world is better off, Mom.How about your son?

But that is selfish.

The campus library is also closed, so I go to the one in town.

A few people are sitting at the tables or browsing books, but it’s mostly empty this early in the morning. I gravitate to my comfort subjects: history and art.Emperor of Romeby Mary Beard has just come out. After finding it, I hold it in my hand and thumb through the pages.

The peacefulness of the library and the scent of books relax me. Not that I will ever tell anyone else that.

“Gil Lauten?”

My first thought is to duck into the next row. But I’m tired of hiding. Pretending.

It’s the cutie from the university library. Darcy. He’s still wearing a name tag, just a different one.

“You work here too?” I’ve actually seen him here before. I’ve just made sure he hasn’t seen me. ButCute Librarianis on the list for today, so I’m glad he’s the one working. Darcy is definitely cute. His clothes are practical. But his dark hair has hints of auburn in it, and his eyes sparkle like he knows a secret and only wants to share it with you.

“I work here during school breaks and over the summer. The more important question, Gil, is why are you here, at the library, during Christmas break?”

Various excuses pop into my head, but I swallow them down, along with the lump in my throat, and hold the book up to show him. “It just came out.”

He tilts his head and gives me a reassessing look. “I’ve been excited to read it. I’m obsessed with historical biographies.”

“Right? Learning all the details about their lives. Like no one’s life is perfect and finding out the struggles and how they overcame them is—”

His mouth is open. I’m gushing. About a book. My middle school science teacher pops into my head. Will Darcy accuse me of being a fraud? Tell me I’m too stupid to read a volume this thick? I’m tempted to put the book back on the shelf, but I really want it. I clutch it to my chest like a shield. “I should go.”

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