Page 16 of The Lucky Escape

‘What?’ interrupted Jo, pulling a face.

‘No, no, no,’ I said, trying to abate her obvious and immediate concern. ‘Not signed off or anything like that. I had three weeks booked off anyway, for the honeymoon, and Chen, my boss, sent a letter saying to take these weeks in between as paid leave too. She called it a sort of discretionary compassionate leave. It’s really nice of her, but I wasn’t going to accept …’

‘Apaidsix weeks off work,’ Jo interrupted again. ‘Andyou’re being offered an all-expenses-paid trip to Australia from the nicest in-laws in the world to boot? Whoa.’

‘And that’s the whole thing,’ I agreed. ‘The flight leaves after the weekend, and it turns out Fernanda and Mum are in cahoots that I should do it.’

Our waiter appeared with our next drinks – more cocktails for us and a non-alcoholic beer for Jo.

‘Do you want me to take a sip out of that for you, so it’s not as full?’ Kezza asked Bri.

‘Bugger off,’ yelped Bri. ‘Don’t usemeas an excuse to steal extra drink!’

Kezza pouted as she played with her fire engine red hair, pulling it back into a ponytail and wrapping it around itself until it held in a bun for a second and then slowly uncurled itself again.

‘Crazier things have happened than being offered a free honeymoon,’ observed Bri, which is true. She’d met her own husband, Angus, in Las Vegas, and came home from a week-long hen trip for a friend at work with a husband of her own. It had surprised us zero per cent, though – it was a very Bri move to pull. She’s cheeky and fun, but more thanthat she’s romantic enough to take a chance on love. There is a bravery to it, I’d always thought. A bravery to believing.

‘How areyoufeeling, Annie? Because I for one still can’t believe all this.’ Jo pushed her empty plate away from her, having made light work of the nachos that we were supposed to be sharing. I knew enough from her first pregnancy cravings not to get in between her and the melted cheese, though. When she was waiting to give birth to Bertie she’d once eaten four Mars bar ice creams dipped in parmesan breadcrumbs – all in a row – whilst crying and telling me that it was ‘the hormones’.

‘I feel. Just …’ I didn’t know what word to finish the sentence with, so I didn’t bother. I didn’t know where to begin.

‘Yeah,’ she said back, nodding in sympathy. ‘I would be too.’

Bri coughed lightly, about to make an announcement. I narrowed my eyes at her. ‘I’ve tried calling him,’ she admitted sheepishly. ‘Over and over. It mostly goes to voicemail but … Look. I’m not trying to cause trouble, but I did get an international dialling tone once. Do you think it’s possible he’s gone abroad?’

It made sense to me if he had. I kept asking myself where the hell he was. Where does somebody who has jilted their bride go and hang out? Do they carry on as usual? Go to work and hope nobody notices that they never get around to wearing a wedding ring, because the wedding never happened?

‘Work!’ I said. ‘I didn’t think of that before but his office was always on about him going out to the Singapore HQ for a bit. I kept wondering if he’d maybe taken a vacation or something but that would make total sense if he was out there.He was supposed to go back to work like I was, and I can’t see how he’d be able to simply take off without reporting in.’

If I knew for sure where he was, maybe it would settle my mind a little more. Maybe if I had some more concrete details I’d be able to put some mental pegs in the ground – have some cold, hard facts to tether myself to. I didn’t realize until Bri said he might be out of the country just how desperately it would help me to know for sure. I wasn’t sure if he was going to show up at the house any second, or pass me in the park on the way to bootcamp, or waltz through the door of the restaurant we were sat in, right now, talking with his old school friends and stopping off to shake someone’s hand, because he was the little brother of somebody or other – Alexander always bumped into somebody he knew. I couldn’t even be sure he’d stop to say hello if he did end up in the restaurant at the same time as us – that’s how little I’d obviously meant to him, which was unfathomable. I’d been willing to marry him, for crying out loud! And he didn’t care about me at all!

‘It’s like a form of psychosis or something,’ I confessed. ‘As though I imagined the whole relationship, the whole of the past ten years. It’s hard to reassess everything.Everything.How could he do this to me?’

‘Oh God, Annie,’ Bri said, reaching a hand across the table to grab mine as it played with the napkin Jo had discarded. ‘I wasn’t sure if I should say – I didn’t meant to make you cry. I’m sorry.’

I tried to roll my eyes to demonstrate how much I hated that I couldn’t control my reaction. Shaking my head to try and free myself of the emotion clutching at my throat I squawked, ‘If I’d left my bride I’d flee the country too. I’d be too ashamed to show my face.’

‘Jesus,’ muttered Kezza. ‘That little shit.’

I wondered when he’d bought his plane ticket and how long before he refused to show up that he’d known he was going to do a runner. What if he’d known when we were organizing the Spotify playlist that was going to play during the wedding breakfast, or when we went for the final menu tasting? If I’d given in and agreed to the mini Yorkshire puddings with sliced roast beef would I be sat here a married woman? Did my insistence on having the chilli crab blinis cost me my future? I didn’t even really like seafood that much! I had only wanted to make the unusual choice!

‘I can’t believe he gets to screw up your whole life, and then go on a jolly. That’s not right. That’s really not right.’ Kezza was raging, and I could tell by how hard she was trying not to let on. She’d kept her voice level but I’d known her since we were eighteen: she was hopping mad.

‘There must be a reason for it all,’ Jo mused. ‘Right? I know he could be an arse, but he wasn’t totally heartless. Somethingmusthave prompted it …’

I narrowed my eyes and looked at her.

‘Do you know something?’ I asked. She was talking as if she was leading to revealing some big piece of information. I wondered if he’d been seeing somebody else. Men don’t jump ship from relationships unless there’s a lifeboat in the distance. They justdon’t.Half of me was frozen in fear that I was finally about to get the piece of the puzzle I’d been obsessing over and the other half immediately prayed to the heavens that she knew nothing. I didn’t want to know, yet I wanted every last detail. I wanted to be seen, and to hide. Freed by information and safe from reality.

She shook her head quickly. ‘No, honey, I’m sorry. If I did, I’d tell you. I promise.’

‘You guys are hiding something from me,’ I started, looking from Jo’s face, to Bri’s, to Kezza’s. ‘If you do know something …’

Kezza reached out a hand too. ‘Honestly, we’re as clueless as you are. I promise.’

I exhaled loudly. ‘Okay. Phew.’

‘But,’ started Bri, and my eyes flickered up to her, my chest tight as a protester’s fist.

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