Page 23 of The Lucky Escape

I laughed. ‘That’s the correct answer,’ I said, and we laughed some more.

‘Whoa,’ Patrick marvelled later, dipping his crust into the mayonnaise I’d ordered, fully on board with it being a non-negotiable part of pizza eating now. ‘When you said you’d been dumped, I never for a second thought …’

We were officially into the evening, and our chat had been saved from becoming too slurred by the food we’d stuffed ourselves with. As we’d eaten, I’d spilled the beans on exactly why I was now single. He’d asked outright, emboldened by the beer and easy banter, and I hadn’t wanted to lie. I’d told him everything.

‘That I got dumped whilst wearing a big white dress? I know. It’s probably the most dramatic thing that has ever happened to me.’

‘It’s probably the most dramatic thing that’s happened to anybody, ever. I am so, so sorry.’

I wiped my hands on a napkin and pushed my plate away from me. I hadn’t realized how starving I was. We paid the bill and meandered down to a converted warehouse Patrick knew about where we could play mini golf and eat candyfloss. It was good to stretch my legs – we’d been sat in that booth for almost six hours.

‘And they really want you to take the honeymoon as a holiday?’

‘It’s such a hard conversation to have. I just feel so … awkward. They’re so apologetic about what Alexander did, but it’s wasted. They’re not the ones who did something wrong.’

‘It’s sweet they’d try.’

We took our putters and our balls and waited in line to start the course.

‘Do I sound awful if I say it feels selfish of them? They want me to tell them I’m okay, but I’m not. And possibly that makes them feel ashamed of their son, or that maybe they could have stopped all this from happening. But that can’t be my problem, can it? I make everything my responsibility but just lately, since all this …’

‘The sod-it function has kicked in?’

I smiled. ‘Exactly. I’ve done everything like I was supposed to, my whole life. I’ve been a good girl, and studied hard, and done all the right extra-curricular stuff. I’ve kept in shape, I went to a good university, I see my friends and try to cook and read and watch all the TV I’m supposed to watch. I’ve moulded myself to be as nice and non-confrontational as possible, and for what? I’ve ended up a fool. I just don’t have it in me to do anything other than live in self-protection mode now. I’m exhausted. I don’t want to manage anybody else’s emotions. Onlymine.’

I was talking and talking and talking because I could. Because Patrick listened to every word I was saying and didn’t interrupt or look away. He was interested. Interested, and also drunk. His eyelids were drooping just a teeny-tiny amount. It was nice, though, being tipsy and just moving on from one topic to the next, delighting in the way the other person thought or framed something.

He lined up a shot with his ball, holding his club lightly and getting a hole in one.

‘All power to you,’ he said, satisfied by his point. He leaned towards me and executed a very poor stage whisper. ‘I’ve got to tell you though: you’re in luck.’

‘Why?’

‘Because life has handed you lemons, and you can make a honeymoon out of it.’

I sighed audibly and took my turn. ‘A honeymoon without a husband is just a lonely singleton nightmare, I’m afraid.’ I shocked myself by getting a hole in one too. I think my inhibitions had been lowered, and so it loosened up my swing or something. Maybe it was beginner’s luck. We walked to the next part of the course.

‘Don’t go alone then.’

‘Alexander is in Singapore, Patrick. He’s gone. It’s over. I’m sure the last thing he wants is to fly to Australia with the woman he jilted. And that’s fine, really, because I don’t think I ever want to see his stupid face again.’

‘I reckonwe’dhave a great honeymoon together,’ Patrick supposed, and then stuck his tongue firmly in his cheek as he went for his next turn.

I scrunched up my face. I was sort of seeing double. I needed water.

‘Sure,’ I said, calling his bluff, and I realized I was slurring a bit too. ‘You and me on the other side of the world. Absolutely. Let’s do it.’

Another hole in one for him, but this time I missed.

‘Oh, you joke,’ he said. I moved to hit the ball again, landing it on the second try. ‘But I’m damned serious. I’ll take a free trip to the other side of the world. You said they’re loaded, right? And want to spend money on easing their guilt? If you need a partner in crime to do that with, it could actually be a hell of a lot of fun. I’ll pay my own way if I can use the spare ticket.’

We moved along to the next hole.

‘You want to come to Australia with me?’

He took a shot and missed, but got it the next time he tried.

‘Why not. YOLO.’

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