Page 49 of The Lucky Escape

Patrick started to lift his sunglasses off his head to try and look at me properly, but the sun was so bright off the water he squinted and then decided against it.

‘That’s a nice thing to say,’ he said.

‘I mean it,’ I replied. ‘This is the best honeymoon ever.’

As soon as I’d said it I realized he couldn’t say it back, because this was probably the second best honeymoon he’d ever been on. It wasn’t that I was jealous about that, but I definitely did feel something. I suppose the trip was unfolding to make me realize so much about my life, in all the best ways, but I worried it wasn’t as transformative for him. I was having epiphany after epiphany and he was simply having a lovely time, and probably thinking about his wife whom he loved and missed.

‘You must think about your wife a lot,’ I said, deciding to test the waters on bringing her up.

He sighed. ‘Less, just recently,’ he admitted, and it wasn’t the answer I thought I’d get. ‘And I feel guilty for that. The more time that goes on the further away from her I am … And I need to get on with my life but it’s a life she’s not in. I have all these feelings …’ He stopped talking and took a breath. Half of me wanted to get up and walk over to him, but the other half of me was glued to the spot, waiting for him to keep talking.

‘This has been such a special trip for me,’ he continued, still looking out to the water. ‘Honestly, I don’t know how to thank you for bringing me. I’ve been more of my old self than I have done in years. I suppose that’s a bit scary when I’m so used to …’ He didn’t finish his trail of thought.

‘So we’re two happy people, happy to be here, happy to be having this adventure, but being cross with each other and sitting practically on opposite sides of the river?’ I offered.

He laughed, but it was kind of a sad laugh. ‘That’s about the measure of it,’ he said, and it made me laugh too. ‘But I did just want to say to you, I’m the same Patrick I was before I told you about my wife. You get that, don’t you?’

‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘But also, you’re not. Not in a bad way, but I’m getting to know you, aren’t I? If you were an outline before, and I get to colour in parts of you, telling me about Mala was a big bit to add to what I know. You said yourself it has shaped who you are.’

‘I suppose so,’ he said picking up a stone and throwing it out to the river.

‘It hasn’t become your overriding personality trait, if that’s what you mean. I understand it’s a thing that happened, but it doesn’t define you.’

‘The thing is,’ he muttered, so quietly I wasn’t sure if I’d heard him right, ‘it does define me.’ He sighed deeply. ‘It’s just that sometimes, I really wish it didn’t.’

Back in town the marketplace had been transformed. There were streamers and bunting everywhere and a wooden dance floor had been placed off to one side, where the beginnings of a band set-up was happening.

‘Looks like this is going to be quite the event,’ Patrick commented to an older guy sat on a bench, watching it all unfold beside us. We’d grabbed a couple of ginger beers from a corner shop and slurped at them as we recovered from the walk. It had been much hotter coming back than heading out to the river.

‘I’ll say,’ replied the man. ‘We know how to have a good time all right.’

A guy with a ponytail and Eighties Levi’s jeans headed across and said to our new friend, ‘All right, Bobby.’ Bobby tipped his head in response.

‘Tourists?’ Bobby asked us, eventually.

I nodded.

Patrick said, ‘Yes, sir. Just here the week, but we’ll be back. Won’t we, Annie?’

I smiled and nodded. ‘It’s been really special,’ I said.

‘Look at you two,’ Bobby observed. ‘I remember being in the honeymoon phase with my Rosie. Couldn’t take my eyes off her for forty-five years. Just like you.’

I opened my mouth to explain, but Patrick gently rested a hand on my arm. I waited for him to pull away, but he didn’t.

‘Sounds as though you were very much in love,’ Patrick said, and Bobby nodded.

‘Best woman you’ve ever met,’ he said. ‘She passed ten years ago this Christmas.’

Patrick let that sink in. ‘You still talk to her?’ he asked, as if it was a totally normal question. That got Bobby’s attention.

‘In the house I do,’ he said. ‘She’s near me, I know that much. Listening. I hear her voice in my head all the time, reminding me to water her garden, telling me to get my saggy arse out of the house and down to the pub or to call our sons.’

‘Yeah,’ said Patrick. ‘Looking after you. I know what that’s like.’

Bobby looked at him crookedly, and then down at Patrick’s hand. He shifted and looked at my hand, and I realized hewas looking for our wedding bands. I could see the understanding reach his face.

‘Still,’ said Bobby. ‘We had a good run. I never found anyone else, but I tell you now, if I was lucky enough to, I would’ve jumped at the chance. We’re built to be part of two, aren’t we? Doesn’t mean we love the one who has gone any less.’

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