Page 53 of The Lucky Escape

I could hear the line crinkle from the other end and I knew she was smiling.

‘Go on …’

‘Do I have to?’

‘You’ve shagged him?’

‘Kezza! No!’

‘Oh.’

‘But I think I want to.’

She considered the information. ‘I see.’

‘What do I do?’ I was panicked and fraught. I knew the cat was out of the bag and I was desperate to push it back in, despite getting scratched bloody in the process.

‘Hmmm,’ she said. ‘Do you think he wants to shag you?’

Did I? The way he’d told me I was pretty, how he leaned in to my face, my personal space, with increasing frequency, the way he was always broadly flirty that I’d pooh-poohed as just the way he was with everyone – it was possible. Potentially. He certainly hated when I talked about Alexander, and he’d skirted around the edges of wanting to forgive himself for moving on from Mala. I barely dared hope.

‘Maybe,’ I said. ‘I’m out of practice. And it’s a bad idea, isn’t it?’

‘Depends,’ she replied. ‘How are you doing? In general?’

‘I heard from Alexander,’ I revealed. ‘I didn’t put it in the group chat because I didn’t want to give him the airtime, or the brain space, but you were right. He’s in Singapore.’

‘Is that all he said?’

‘He said we never should have got engaged.’

‘That son of a—’

‘He’s right though, isn’t he? I hate that he is, but … I don’t know. We’d been together so long. It seemed like the logical next step. He admitted he went about it all the wrong way, but if I push the wedding aside, I can see that he’s right. And that you guys were right, too – I deserve more than I had in that relationship.’

‘Hmmmm. And Patrick – it’s not love? It’s a fling?’

‘Okay, this really is top,topsecret because it’s not my story to tell, but he was married.’

‘A divorcé, huh? Interesting.’

I shook my head, but obviously she couldn’t see that down the phone. ‘No,’ I corrected. ‘She passed away. He’s a widower.’

‘Jesus. What happened?’

‘Car accident. Two years ago.’

‘God bless him,’ she said. ‘How is he?’

‘Still loves her, obviously. Misses her. He said something ages ago, right when we first met, about not being a relationship guy …’

‘So it would definitely be a fling? Are you okay with that? Could he handle that do you think? I can’t imagine how it must feel to lose a partner …’

‘I know. It’s unbearable. But then, he’s playful. Maybe it’sflirting? And he’s so hot, Kez … I knew he was attractive, but he’s so fun, and he’s catching the sun really quickly so has got this tan thing happening, and a freckle thing happening, and we’re half naked most of the time, which heightens everything …’

‘As soon as you said he was coming with you, I think it was pretty inevitable you’d end up in bed together.’

‘Shut up!’ I volleyed back.

---