‘I’m not judging you! Even if you couldn’t see it, I think it was evident to everyone else. A delightful man, a hot woman like yourself, three weeks on the other side of the world? It’s a recipe for romance.’
‘Not romance,’ I warned. ‘I don’t think? Gah!’
‘I’d be surprised if he hadn’t been expecting something to happen all along. It’s written on the wall.’
‘I’m having a lot of thoughts about this.’
Kezza tittered. ‘I think if you’re careful, getting under one man to get over another could be a wonderful, exciting thing. Be gentle with him, though, and be gentle with yourself. If you called for my advice, my advice is to go for it.’
‘I think I was calling for permission,’ I admitted. ‘Maybe I did know this was going to happen. Urgh, I don’t know! We kind of kissed. I thought he’d pulled away first, but to be honest maybe I did. We get on so well …’
‘Plan not to plan, babe. If it happens, enjoy it happening. If it doesn’t, you’ve had something pretty to look at for the duration of the trip.’
‘Right. Yes. We’ve still got a week to go, so …’
‘So don’t waste it on the phone to me! Go get some sleep. It must be late there. I’m here if you need me, but otherwise I’ve only got one last thing to say.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Make sure it’s as much fun for you as it is for him. A gentleman always makes a lady come first.’
‘That was very helpful, thank you, Kezza. Thrilled I called.’
She laughed. ‘Love you!’
I got up early, hoping to beat Patrick, but he was already at the breakfast table by the windows, his boxers on show through his open dressing gown, set against the backdrop of another beautiful day.
‘I owe you one thousand apologies,’ I said as I approached. ‘I flew off the handle last night.’
‘Correct,’ he said. I couldn’t read his face. I assumed he was going to let me speak and then tell me where to shove it, because he didn’t want to be around anyone who couldn’t regulate their own mood swings, but I tried to be as girlish and cute as possible. I wasn’t being manipulative – but I was definitely trying to appeal to his most forgiving side.
‘I’m sorry,’ I carried on. ‘I was defensive and I shouldn’t have stormed off. We’d had that whole almost-kiss thing – I hate to bring it up, because I’m embarrassed, but you were there; you know how it went down – and I just want you to know I so value you, and you being here. Friends don’t storm out of cars and go to bed without saying goodnight. You were only trying to be my cheerleader. So in short: I apologize.’
‘As it turns out—’ he smiled ‘—I’m quite honoured that you’d lose your rag with me. From what I’ve gathered, you don’t let a lot of people see that side of you …’
That much was true. I’d swallowed anger and hurt and squashed down ever needing anything, really, in case I was ‘too much’.
‘No,’ I said. ‘I don’t.’
‘So it’s cool.’ He shrugged. ‘Thank you for saying sorry for storming off, but it’s good you’ve told me how you feel. Thank you. Now come here for a hug.’
His naked chest pressed against the thin cotton of my pyjamas. I loved the smell of him: woody and earthy and warm.
‘You ready for another wonderful day in paradise? I thought we could wander the harbour and get lunch and be back here for the 3 p.m. pick-up for the sunset canoeing?’
Sunset canoeing with Patrick. Something in the bottom part of my pelvis throbbed and now, instead of pretending I couldn’t feel it, I let myself acknowledge it.
OMG,I texted Kezza, knowing she wouldn’t reply because of the time difference but needing to say it anyway.I’m in so much trouble, girl. Even the touch of his hand on my back is turning me on. I’m screwed!
Later she texted back:Hopefully!
I didn’t know how to do it. I had no idea how to non-verbally suggest that we should kiss again, and mean it this time. We had a perfect day mooching about the harbour, but I was self-conscious and a bit awkward. Patrick asked me twice if I was okay, noting that by the time we’d gone back to the suite to change for the afternoon trip, I seemed different. I was different, of course. I had a crush! Crushes make a girl act crazy!
‘We should think about leaving,’ Patrick said, and I could tell by the extra peppiness in his voice he was trying to make my awkwardness less strange. ‘We don’t want to be late for the driver.’
‘Absolutely,’ I said, looking at my watch and seeing that he was right. I’d taken a quick shower and thrown on a shortlinen playsuit with big buttons running up the front. I’d gained weight over our trip, even in this short time, so it was more snug than I was used to. It made me look good, though. I suited being a bit fuller. Maybe I could buy a few cute dresses when we were out shopping. I could worry about saving money to move house back in the real world. ‘Let me just get my bag. It’s all very romantic, isn’t it? A sunset canoe?’
‘You sound as though you’re making plans to seduce me.’ He chortled. He looked handsome as ever in his pressed shorts and another shirt – baby pink, this time. My grandmother always said it takes a real man to wear pink.