Page 56 of The Lucky Escape

‘Yeah. The thing is, I don’t think I ever did stop to think about it. Staying in a dead-end relationship, sticking with a job I’m not crazy about—’

‘I’ve been thinking about this,’ he interrupted. ‘You’re a theoretical physicist. You’re basically a genius …’

‘But it’s not my passion.’

‘My work isn’t my passion,’ he countered. ‘It’s just the way I make money to enjoy my life. I think making your job yourpersonality is a very modern-day thing. I don’t understand it. I know I said to leave if you don’t enjoy it, but what I missed out is that it’s okay not to love what you do.’

‘That’s fair,’ I said. ‘But I’ve been thinking about it too, and I need it. I can’t spend thirty-five or forty or sometimes even fifty hours a week doing something I’m not really into. That’s a third of my life, and the other third is spent sleeping.’

‘Better make that last third count, then,’ he said, cheekily.

Friendly or flirty? Friendly … or flirty?

I dropped my eyes to the lower half of his face, to his lips.

‘I can see so clearly that you’re ready to move on with your life. But then just when I think it’s clear you trash-talk yourself, or talk about Alexander and I think, oh no. She’s not ready. She doesn’t want to move on.’

‘I am ready,’ I said, quietly. ‘I just need to find my courage.’

His voice was quiet, too – almost inaudible. ‘And have you found it …’

It wasn’t a question, what he said. With his voice low and his chin inches from mine and the weight between us, it was almost definitely an invitation.

I swallowed.

Something is happening,I thought, clearly.Something is definitely happening.

I could almost hear the cogs of his brain whirring. He inhaled decisively, and right before he could execute the inevitable, our tour guide’s canoe hit up against the shore and she said: ‘Righto, guys, if I can invite you to hop back into the boats. If we leave it any later it’ll be dark, and the mozzies that come out then are so big you’ll have to play little spoon.’

Patrick leapt up like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t. ‘Be right there,’ he said.

He looked down at me and offered his hand. I reached out for it.

‘Thanks,’ I said, and under his breath he muttered, ‘Sure thing. Yup. Uh-huh.’

As we piled back into the taxi I thought back to the vows I’d made on the plane over.I’d promised myself that I’d stop trying to be perfect. That for better for worse, I’d throw caution to the wind. For richer and for poorer I’d say yes to every opportunity that came my way.

I stole a look at Patrick. His profile had become so familiar to me already that it was a comfort. The way his hair flopped across his forehead made me want to reach across and smooth it away for him. I imagined what it would be like to unclip my seatbelt and slide across to the middle seat, just to feel his thigh against my own. I wondered how it would feel to press my face to his, on purpose this time, slipping my tongue into his mouth.

‘You okay?’ he asked.

I issued a weak smile. ‘Sydney is amazing, isn’t it?’ I couldn’t tell him what I’d really been thinking about.

‘It’s wicked,’ he agreed, and then he did the most bewildering thing. He unclipped his seatbelt and slid across, reaching his arm out and forcing me to duck my head so he could reach across my shoulders and pull me in. My thigh was against his. I froze for half a second, checking I hadn’t misunderstood, before giving in to how good it felt. I let my head loll to one side so that it rested against his chest. He let out a small sigh – a gratified one. As I watched out of the window at the sky whizzing by I let my hand drift to hisknee. His free hand met me there. We rode home pushed up against each other with every part of our bodies, except our faces, testing this new normal.

As we got out of the car Patrick’s hand came to the back of my neck, and I liked it being there. We didn’t say anything as we walked up to the private penthouse elevator, the heat of his touch intensifying as we went up floor after floor. I was the one with the key cards and as I stood in front of the buttons, his body came close behind me, so close and yet so far away. I realized I was taking shallow, short breaths. If I had wanted to suspend the moment of being in the taxi together for the rest of all time, now I wanted to get upstairs as quickly as possible, because I knew what was going to happen on the other side.

My hunger for it made every second feel decades long. It could only have taken moments to reach into my bag, to pull out the key, to hit it against the security box and hear the roar of the pulley lifting us towards the thirty-sixth floor, and yet it took hours, days,millennia. I set my bag down on the sofa in the central living room and pulled my water bottle out. I chugged it down, but it didn’t satisfy my thirst. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand I knew what I was going to do next.

Patrick watched me. I stood, and let him. I smiled. I refused to look away, or be shy.

I wanted him. I had done for probably longer than I’d realized.

‘I’m going to kiss you now,’ I said, putting the cap back on the water bottle. ‘Is that okay?’

It was three steps.

My heart thudded in my chest.

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