Page 80 of The Lucky Escape

‘Yes, yes, yes. Of course you are,’ Adzo said. Then: ‘We should go out and celebrate. But at a restaurant. Let’s go somewhere really fancy and have proper cocktails to start and wine with dinner and have shots to finish and tell each over again and again how marvellous we think the other one is, until they ask us to leave because they’re closing.’

‘Deal,’ I said, but I was already wondering how Patrick would react to my news, and a tiny bit resentful that I had to consider him in any of this at all. I didn’t want permission from him, or anyone, to investigate. I knew I needed to talk to him, to face my doubts head on. He deserved that.

I said goodbye and pulled up my internet browser, typing in:flats to rent, Antwerp.Just to get an idea.

I mused it all over as I nipped out to the corner shop for some bits. Since coming back from Aus I’d been trying touse up what was in the freezer, and instead of getting a big grocery delivery I was buying stuff only when I needed it. The corner shop didn’t have any tinned coconut milk and I was desperate to use up some frozen sliced butternut squash for a Sri Lankan curry, so I took a punt and went a couple of streets over to the bigger one. If they didn’t have any, I’d get a pizza. Carol needed walking, anyway.

I rounded the corner, tying her up outside and patting her on the head, and dipped in through the shop’s door. As I looked up, there was Patrick, testing a series of melons for ripeness. He must have felt my eyes on him because he looked up, and it was the strangest thing: I didn’t feel happy to see him. He could obviously tell because before his smile could reach full capacity he dropped it, as if he’d misunderstood something and now appreciated something different. He put down the two melons he’d been weighing up and took his AirPods out of his ears. Somebody came in the door behind me and I stepped aside to let them past, grateful for the excuse to break eye contact. When I looked up again, Patrick hadn’t moved. I walked towards him.

‘Hello.’

‘Hello,’ he said back. ‘What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?’

He leant forward to give me a kiss, but instead of going in for a sloppy Frenchie I kept my mouth in a chaste pucker, quickly touching his lips and then pulling away.

‘Coconut milk,’ I said.

‘Top shelf just before the loo rolls,’ he replied, pointing.

I followed his gaze and said, ‘Thanks.’

We stood.

‘So I have news,’ I began.

‘About your meeting?’

‘Yup. Chen asked me to consider going to work at the Antwerp HQ.’

‘Antwerp? As in, Belgium?’

‘Antwerp as in Belgium, yes.’

‘And what did you say?’

‘I said I’d go and do a recce mission out there. She’s flying me out at the end of the week. Just overnight.’

His face puzzled over what I’d said. ‘You’ve already agreed to fly out there? That’s cool that they’re interested but … you agreed without talking to me about it?’

‘It’s just a research trip.’ I shrugged. ‘I haven’t taken the job or anything.’

An old man tutted as he tried to move past us. To be fair, we were taking up the aisle.

‘That’s … wow. Well, congrats. But … I don’t feel great that there’s not even a conversation about all this. Go, and everything, but I’m your boyfriend, remember? I’m happy they recognize that you’re amazing but this feels like the kind of thing that could affect my life, too. Have you been avoiding me? Why haven’t you wanted to talk about this?’

That was a fair thing to ask. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I’ve been a bit in my head. I don’t know. Mum said that thing when we had lunch there and it’s just made me wonder—’

‘Since when do you listen to your mother?’

‘I don’t! But when she said it’s no good leaving one relationship and jumping into another I just think … I don’t know. Not that she’s right, but …’

‘So now you don’t want this?’ he asked, his tone shocked. This wasn’t going the way I wanted it to at all. Everything was coming out wrong. Having blown cold from hot with him for the past few days anyway, there was apparently a lot he wanted to get off his chest – which he was entitled to.

‘Of course I want this,’ I said. ‘But I kind of see her point, that’s all. I planned my whole life around Alexander. I haven’t learned anything if I start to plan my life around you, now.’

‘I see. I didn’t realize that’s how you felt.’

‘I need to at least consider this opportunity, don’t I? You would never ask me not to.’

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