Page 95 of The Lucky Escape

‘But why would you break up with somebody who loves you?’

‘I don’t think he loved me, piggy-poo. We both had fun together, that’s all.’

‘But why did the fun end? Why wouldn’t you want the fun to just keep going?’

I didn’t have an answer to that.

‘If somebody loved me, I wouldn’t dump them.’

‘We never saidI love you, Fred.’

She sighed. ‘But would you have done? Eventually?’

I thought about the question and shuffled through the photos in my hand. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Did you love him?’

My head and my heart were saying different things. ‘I’m scared to,’ I admitted.

‘What does that mean?’

‘It means …’ The realization dawned on me. ‘It means that yeah. I think I do.’

‘So what happened?’

‘Freddie Wiig, you are thirteen years old. What’s with the Spanish Inquisition? I didn’t think it was cool for your generation to pin all their hopes on a partner, anyway. I thought being sassy and single and carefree was cool! Come on!’

She shrugged me off. ‘Annie. I know I am younger than you, but I’m not an idiot.’

I nodded sagely. ‘No,’ I agreed. ‘You’re not.’

‘I think you’re making a mistake. I think you should be brave and tell him you love him before it’s too late.’

I don’t know what it was – the fact that it came from my baby sister, maybe – but suddenly my eyes welled with tears and my voice shook as I said, ‘I don’t think he wants me anymore. I pushed him away.’

She said, ‘Can’t you say sorry? I think being scared and being brave is what it’s all about, isn’t it?’

‘Woah.’ I laughed. ‘You didnotjust say that. How did you get so wise?’

‘My big sister taught me everything I know,’ she grinned. ‘You said that’s what you liked about Bri getting married. She’d let love outweigh being afraid.’

‘Shut up.’ I laughed again but she knew I was only teasing. Ihadsaid that about Bri. It’s funny the stuff a sibling can remember.

‘Doesn’t he live around here?’ Freddie pressed, and I nodded.

‘Around the corner,’ I said. ‘About ten minutes away.’

She smirked. ‘What are you waiting for? Fix it!’

I stared at her, and she wiggled her eyebrows as if to say,Huh? HUH?

‘I … don’t know,’ I said.

‘Go!’ she squealed. ‘Go on!’

I was shaking as I picked up my phone and keys, absentmindedly looking in the mirror but not even really seeing myself. She was right. It was self-sabotage. I was so utterly petrified that I was deliberately, unconsciously, pushing Patrick away when facts were facts: we were perfect together. I loved him. Mum had asked when we got back from honeymoon if I really wanted to jump into a new relationship aftermy engagement had ended like there was only one answer to it. But there wasn’t. Ididwant to jump into this new relationship, because it was good and healthy and full of kindness and love. It was the best possible relationship to jump into, because it was everything my engagement wasn’t. And so who cared about anything else?

I loved him!