From this day forward, I will stop trying to be perfect.
For better, for worse, I will throw caution to the wind.
For richer, for poorer, I will say yes to every opportunity that comes my way.
To have and to hold, from this day forth, I commit to my own happiness.
This is my solemn vow.
Forever and ever, Amen.
Everything had been leading to this.
I wandered over to the desk I’d set up in the bay window at the far end of the living room, casting an eye over my to-do list. I had an assignment due on Monday that was mostly finished but needed proofreading, and had a couple of Post-its with phone numbers of university students who were willing to pay a reduced fee in order to have appointments with people who were still training.
A text pinged on my phone.
I’m downstairs!
I looked out of the window to where Patrick sat in a hire car, pulled in against the kerb but the engine still running. It reminded me of that day back in Australia when he organized to drive us to the music festival. Had I dared imagine back then just what would unfold in the weeks and months after? It was hard not to smile at the thought of Past Annie. She was so scared to believe she deserved good things.
Two mins!I texted Patrick back.
I believed I deserved good things now.
On the way, we stopped to see Jo and baby Estelle, who slept soundly as we cooed over her in her crib. Kezza called inwith Lacey, her newly adopted little girl, who played with Carol and Patrick in the garden.
‘He’s going to make one hell of a dad.’ Bri grinned, as she caught me staring at him through the kitchen window.
I shrugged. ‘We don’t know if we want kids,’ I said. ‘We haven’t decided. We’re going with the flow. Happily so.’
She asked me about Adzo, and I told her how she was loving San Francisco – so much so that it was hard to stay in touch. Things hadn’t worked out with her Moustache Man, who’d chosen to stay behind in England instead of heading out there with her, but from what I could gather she was having a whale of a time.
‘I envy her,’ Jo volunteered. ‘I’ve got it pretty good here, but crikey. It will be a long time before Kwame and I will ever be that free again.’
‘You know what Patrick would say, don’t you?’ I asked. ‘That freedom isn’t out there.’ I gestured to the outside world dramatically, and assumed a hippie voice. ‘But in here.’ I tapped my chest with closed eyes, indicating to my heart.
‘I hear my name?’ he said, appearing at the back door with Lacey in his arms.
‘Mummy, can we get a dog?’ she said to Kezza, who looked at me as if to say:Thanks for planting that idea, Annie.
‘Maybe,’ she replied. ‘Or maybe we can just dog-sit Carol sometimes.’
Bri laughed. ‘This just worked out for everyone!’ She giggled.
I looked at Patrick. ‘Sometimes stuff just does work out,’ I said, and everyone made a good-natured gagging sound before we headed out.
He drove us east, out of London until we hit the coast. We played the music we’d come to think of as ‘ours’ – all thesongs that had a memory or reminded us of being fourteen, or travelling together, or what had played on the radio this past few months as we cooked eggs and ate them in my new bed, commenting, like we did, on what the sky was doing that particular day.
‘I think I’ll be able to take the leap soon,’ I told him, as the traffic eased and the roads got quieter and the playlist we’d compiled finished playing. ‘I think I really am going to do it.’
He reached out a hand to my thigh. It wasn’t my knee, like a friend, but high up, a place only he was able to touch.
‘I think that’s a great plan,’ he replied. ‘And one day, you’ll have your own practice, and a plaque on the door, and everything.’
I laughed. ‘One step at a time,’ I insisted. ‘I don’t plan that far in advance anymore, remember?’
He nodded, as if to say he wasn’t going to argue, but also that he wasgoing to order that plaque – just in case.