Page 76 of One Night With You

‘Yeah,’ she answers, sadly. ‘I think so. I’m fucking gutted, for what it’s worth. Like, I’m going to get on a train in a bit, and as soon as I get home cry really hard, for a really long time.’

‘Oh, well …’ I say, smiling unhappily. ‘As long as you don’t get over me for six months to a year. Maybe two. That will help, to know you pine for me.’

She chuckles, bittersweet. ‘I’ll think of you every time I have a film premiere,’ she says. ‘I’ll pray for your google search history whenever I’ve had good press.’

‘You’re the cyber-stalker,’ I remind her. ‘And God. I’m going to have to unfollow you now, you know. I cannot see your face every day. I just can’t.’

‘No,’ she agrees. ‘That’s understandable. Same.’

We sit.

‘Dammit,’ I say.

She shakes her head. ‘We really did do our best at trying to thwart the old bad timing,’ she laments. ‘But apparently, fate knows what she’s doing.’

‘Chuffing fate,’ I spit.

‘Millie has really been growing a baby inside her this whole time we’ve known each other?’

‘Yeah,’ I say.

‘And you really didn’t know?’

‘I didn’t have a scooby.’

‘That’s crazy,’ she says.

‘Film-worthy,’ I say, and she wrinkles her nose.

I walk with her through the evening twilight, down to Euston so she can get the train up to Manchester. As a police car speeds past us and a group of yummy mummies in heels shriek something about the penthouse suite at the St Pancras Hotel, she asks: ‘Will you stay down here?’

I take a breath. ‘I don’t know,’ I say. ‘I love it here. It feels like I’m only just finding my feet.’

‘You’ll figure it out,’ she says. ‘Clever bean.’

‘Just not as clever as you,’ I concede, referencing an earlier joke about how her intellectual prowess trumps mine.

‘I don’t know,’ she says, coming to a stop to look at me, reaching out a hand to my cheek. I grab it and pull it to my lips, depositing a kiss onto her palm. ‘You do okay.’

‘Good luck with everything,’ I tell her.

‘You too,’ she says.

And then she’s gone.

33

Ruby

‘I wish you’d have told me about the miscarriage when it happened,’ Jackson says to me over FaceTime. ‘Everything makes so much more sense now. We could never figure out why everything seemed so drastic. No, that’s not fair actually. Not drastic. Just … Candice and me couldn’t understand why the Abe heartbreak seemed worse than any other heartbreak. But now … I’m just so sorry you went through all that, Rubes. I wish we could have helped you more.’ He pulls a face to emphasise his point, and I can tell he feels for me.

‘It’s okay,’ I say, taking a deep breath. ‘I don’t think I had the words for it as it happened. It’s a hard do-not-recommend from me on a secret pregnancy, and a secret everything-that-came-after. I just wanted to start over, and do things properly for myself. And it’s worked, for what it’s worth. I’ve felt like a new person. I’m happy. That’s why I can’t do this with Nic. I’d have taken the risk if it was just him, but now …

‘The path he’s about to go down isn’t one I want to walk.I think it’s better that we’re both clear about that now instead of once a little human is involved.’

‘That’s true,’ says Jackson. ‘But … you’re sure?’

I sigh sadly. ‘No,’ I say. ‘But only because it hurts. Let’s be honest though, our timing hasn’t been right this whole time. It’s okay. Or, it will be.’

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