Page 98 of One Night With You

‘No,’ I say. ‘And even if he was …’ I feel like I’ve been backed into a corner not of my choosing, and we’ve gone from a wonderful celebration of a job well done to shining a light into the nooks and crannies of my personal life, which has been painful enough to get on camera. I don’t now need three bloody men making impertinent assumptions about my heart.

‘Honey, it’s okay,’ Harry says, gently.

‘I thought you loved him too,’ says William, and I lock eyes with him and then burst into tears.

‘I do,’ I admit, finally, in between sobs. ‘But there’s nothing I can do about it.’

‘You can tell him,’ Harry says, and after everything – Jackson, how he was there for us all – I know I have to. I might not be able to be with him, but the one least thing I have to do before I let him go for good is tell him exactly what he means to me.

‘I want to meet him,’ JP says. ‘Can’t you have a get-together? After all these stories we’ve heard about him, surely we canput a face to the name. For an old man, love, you can do that, can’t you?’

I think about it.

‘That’s very weird,’ I say. ‘He’s not a dog in a dog and pony show.’

‘Make him the pony in a dog and pony show then.’ Harry grins. ‘I’m with JP. I want to meet him. How did you leave things when you left?’

I shrug. ‘We just said see ya,’ I say. ‘No promises. No reference to anything really. Just see ya, good luck, et cetera.’

William pipes up: ‘You could hold a screening party? Put out a few nibbles or make some pasta, and we can all watch it together?’

‘I can’t believe you’re all making me do this,’ I say. ‘Jesus.’

‘We’re not making you do anything.’ Harry laughs. ‘You’re itching to make the call! Look at you!’

Ithasfelt very unfinished with Nic. We said our big goodbyes after Paris but now, after Jackson and everything else, it’s like we’ve picked a scab off a wound that hasn’t healed.

I pick up my phone. I still haven’t replied to his last message – I just didn’t know what to say. I decide to just go for it.

Of course it’s fine you’d text

These past few weeks have been wild

I’ve just been talking about you actually

Don’t worry, I kept it mild.

JP himself is wondering

If you’d like to see the doc.

I don’t know if you’re north or south,

But we were thinking five o’clock …

He texts back immediately:Tonight?

Tonight, I say, texting him back.YOLO, et cetera.

I sigh dramatically, but I’m secretly a bit glad somebodyelse has pushed me into reaching out to Nic. Everything feels so unfinished, even though before Jackson’s accident we drew a line under it. I suppose the line was more of a paragraph break though, after all that hand-holding and spooning, and so now I need to go back and get my closure.

‘See you all at mine in a bit then,’ I announce to the room.

‘Looking forward to it,’ JP says, and when he catches my eye, he looks pleased as punch.

I tell Candice all about it when I get home to prep.

‘I can’t believe it’s in and done,’ Candice tells me over FaceTime. ‘I wish I could celebrate hand in with you too.’

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