Page 25 of Enemies to Lovers

Jamie comes and sits beside me. We sit, not talking, simply breathing, side-by-side, watching the light change.

I realise that I’m glugging Jamie’s water and he’s not had any himself. I hand him back his bottle and he takes it with a terse smile, opening the cap to hydrate himself. We spend so long sitting there that it makes me jump when Jamie eventually speaks.

‘I like it up here,’ he offers. ‘Makes my head feel quiet.’

I pull a face and don’t realise it’s unkind until after I’ve done it. But like … Jamie needs to make his head feel quiet?Sure.

‘What?’ he asks, in that way men do when they mean,Go on. Say what you’ve got to say.

‘No,’ I shrug, wishing I had sunglasses so I didn’t have to look right at him. ‘I just … you make it sound like it’s really hard to be you.’

Jamie furrows his brow, opening his mouth to speak and then changing his mind. He takes a breath and settles on, ‘I don’t get it. Why would you say that?’

‘I don’t know,’ I say.

‘You do,’ he challenges. ‘Go on.’

I shake my head and part my lips, but no noise comes out.

But Jamie won’t relent. ‘Seriously,’ he probes.

‘Well,’ I start, after some effort. ‘People who look likeyou do,’ I say, gesturing up and down his 8 per cent body fat, ‘sailing across the world, apparently making all this money …’ I realise how I sound. Intellectually, I know that everybody has some secret pain that isn’t obvious to the rest of the world, but somehow that doesn’t add up for him. Of course Jamie must miss his parents terribly – I don’t even know how I would survive without Mum and Dad. I guess he hurt me, so maybe I’m taking my chance to hurt him a little, too. ‘It can’t exactly be stressful for you is all I mean.’

Jamie shakes his head. His face has fallen, like he expects more of me than dismissiveness – which feels rich, considering how he treats me. Of course we’re not allowed to talk about that, though, are we?

‘I expected you, of all people, to understand,’ he says, his voice saddened.

I don’t get what he means. ‘Me, of all people?’ I ask, silently marvelling:me, the girl you so casually discarded?Why would I have any sympathy for him?

‘Yeah,’ he nods, and he’s not looking at me. He’s staring at the sparkling diamonds of the ocean, his thick forearms on his distressingly massive legs. ‘Beautiful. Smart. Got the whole world at your feet, your whole life ahead of you, and you still had your …’

I nod. ‘Breakdown?’ I supply.

‘Yeah,’ he motions.

I almost miss the fact that Jamie has just called me beautiful and smart. He must be doing it solely to prove his point. He can’t mean it.

‘I wondered what you knew about that,’ I say, my voice as small as his was, moments ago. I mirror his body language, looking to the bay myself. Isthiswhy he decided to keep his distance? Because he thinks I’m certifiably insane? I feel like this conversation is a sideways apology of sorts, if I squint and focus really hard. We’re dancing around something.

Jamie shakes his head. ‘Only what Laurie or Kate mentioned in passing.’ He looks up, obviously noting the horror on my face. ‘Don’t worry. They’ve been very protective of you. It’s been bare-minimum details. It’s none of my business.’

I feel a flush of gratitude for Laurie’s discretion. Who knew he had it in him?

I take a breath. ‘So, what?’ I ask. ‘Are you telling me it’s your turn for a breakdown now?’

He shocks me with a hoot of a laugh. ‘Jesus,’ he says, ‘if it was, I wouldn’t be coming to you for your bedside manner, would I?’

I laugh, too. ‘No,’ I reply. ‘I suppose not. I don’t mean to sound harsh.’

‘And yet,’ he says, eyebrow cocked.

I roll my eyes. ‘And yet,’ I say.

If this was anybody else, I’d issue a comical grin right now, to ease the tension, but I’m still not there with Jamie. We were so close to arguing, but we’ve pulled it back. We’re almost getting on.Almost. That’s enough. I feel like he’s trying to tell me that he wants what I want, too; that he wouldn’t mind finding somemore solid ground between us, if we have to be around each other anyway.

‘All I mean is,’ he says, ‘that it’s beautiful up here. And I’m glad you like it, too.’

I nod and Jamie sits beside me, and we stay that way until the sun comes further up in the sky and my belly starts to rumble.

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