Page 62 of Enemies to Lovers

And then he sighs.

And his smile falls.

And my heart sinks.

‘Seriously?’ I say, exasperated. I don’t even feel embarrassed. I feel mad, and I know the blame is squarely on his shoulders. Jamie is the one with the issues, not me. That much is crystal-clear.

‘Shit,’ he mutters, burying his head in his hands. ‘Oh, Flo, fuck!’

That’s when his tears come.

‘I’m so sorry,’ he says. ‘I don’t want you to think I’m awful for doing this, that I’ve led you on, on purpose, or anything like that. I haven’t, I swear. Honestly, Flo, I really do respect you. And I want this. I’ve wanted it for ages! You know that! But even knowing you want it now, too, I can’t upset Laurie …’

He holds a hand to the bridge of his nose, fingers splaying to blot at his eyes.

‘Hey,’ I say, my madness dissipating because, god, I’d be a real cow if I got mad at Jamie’s loyalty to my brother – even if I wish he’d engaged that loyaltybeforeI tried to dry-hump him. ‘Hey,’ I reiterate, so he listens to me.

‘Sorry,’ Jamie says again, the crying slowing.

‘Stop apologising!’ I say, and he laughs.

‘Sorry,’ he repeats, but he’s doing it tongue-in-cheek.

I grab a tissue from my bag for him and he wipes his eyes, blows his nose. He drinks more water and looks at the ocean, and I resume my position sitting at the side of him. Hope is going to have a field day with this, I swear. But I don’t feel mad. The man is crying, for god’s sake. I remember what Mum said about him being more sensitive than we think, sometimes.

‘When did you promise Laurie anything about me?’ I ask.

‘Years ago,’ Jamie replies. ‘I think he knew I was sniffing around a bit, not long after he first brought me home, and then he saw us dancing at your parents’ wedding anniversary. When they had the marquee?’

‘That was, like, eight years ago,’ I say. ‘Seriously?’

He shrugs. ‘He’s my best friend,’ he goes on. ‘And after my parents, especially …’

I nod. ‘Is that why you’ve ignored me all these years? Because of Laurie?’

‘I suppose so,’ he says. ‘Just easier that way, isn’t it? And I don’t think I’veignored you– I’ve been perfectly friendly.’

‘I’d hate to see how you treat your enemies then,’ I quip.

‘Says she! You’ve been the ice-queen since I got here.’

‘Until I wasn’t,’ I point out. ‘I was gyrating on your crotch, after all. I think it’s safe to say I’ve somewhat thawed out.’

Jamie looks at me wistfully. ‘Have you any idea how hard it was to ask you to stop?’

‘Are you making a dick-joke? It washard?’ I say, and Jamie shakes his head in dismay.

‘See,’ he says. ‘This is why I like you. You’re just … you.’

I nod. ‘I am indeed me,’ I agree.

‘Look,’ Jamie continues. ‘If you and I – if that were to be a proper thing, I’d man up and tell your brother, okay? Not even ask permission. I wouldtell him.’

I digest what he’s saying. The unsaid is:but it isn’t. It would be sex, and I cannot tell Laurie we are shagging.

I hold up my hands. ‘Say no more,’ I insist. ‘I should have been more understanding. I didn’t know … well, anything. I didn’t think Laurie would be a consideration. Of course he would be, though. I wouldn’t hook up with Hope’s brother lightly, either.’ I think of Jamie’s note at Christmas. It makes sense now. He must have had the same crisis of confidence then, too.

‘Hope?’ he asks.

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