Page 78 of Enemies to Lovers

And Laurie frowns, then nods, understanding the unsaid. I see the look between them. I feel like there’s something I don’t know, something I’m missing. ‘I don’t believe this,’ he mutters. ‘I can’t believe nobody cares.’

Jamie clears his throat. We turn to him expectantly, but when he opens his mouth, he just looks sad all over again, and instead gets up, holds a hand out for Laurie and looks broken once more when Laurie smacks it away and gets up without help. It makes me feel dreadful for him – for Jamie.

‘It’s all over now anyway,’ I announce, trying to smooth things over in any way I can. The manner in which Jamie stormed away from me made it clear we won’t be hooking up again. If that can go any way towards appeasing Laurie and making sure he forgives Jamie quickly, it’s better to spell it out. ‘It was a mistake. We got carried away, is all. It was that holiday feeling, but we both agree it’s stupid. Don’t hold anything against him – it was all me, okay?’

‘Oh, Flo …’ says Mum.

I give her a weak smile, trying to reassure her I’m allright. Because I should be, really. Laurie has no choice except to forgive me, but I am worried about him and Jamie. I never took seriously that ‘pledge’ Jamie made, because I don’t take Laurie seriously. That was a mistake.

‘Sorry again, everyone,’ Jamie utters, still in the dirt, smoke from the embers of the barn smouldering behind him. But before the words fully leave his mouth, both Mum and Dad tell him it’s fine – there’s nothing to be sorry for.

Laurie gives a massive tut. ‘Yes, there is,’ he says petulantly. ‘That’s mylittle sister,dude. I fucking told you to stay away from her …’

Jamie looks at the ground, shamed.

‘Don’t be an idiot,’ Alex tells Laurie, hitting his shoulder. Laurie scowls. ‘This isn’t the 1600s. She’s my little sister, too, and I couldn’t give a shit.’

‘Come on, lad,’ Dad says to Jamie, putting an arm round him. ‘Let’s find you some ice for that cheek, shall we?’

‘Yes,’ Mum agrees, rounding us all up with open arms. ‘Let’s get out of everyone’s way. It’s all under control now.’

We all start to schlep back down the hill to the villa, but are quickly stopped by the sound of the old man who had been watching the barn burn alongside us, with his wife. He yells in Greek, so I automatically look at Jamie to translate. I think the man’s asking if we have a cigarette.

Jamie listens, nods and then translates. ‘It was a cigarette butt, they think,’ he says. ‘The fire started behind the barn. The grass is so dry, it made its way to the building.’

‘It wasn’t a candle?’ I ask, making sure I understand.

Jamie shakes his head. Goddammit, I’m relieved it wasn’t my fault, but I’ve just outed us to my family for no reason at all, then. I let my anxious thoughts become blurted-out words, and now …this.

Jamie and I end up falling behind the group as we walk. I think everyone is giving us our space. Kate has taken Laurie’s arm and is practically frog-marching him to the villa, and Mum sandwiched between Dad on her left and Alex on her right, linking arms with both of them. I loiter, letting everyone’s goodnights wash over me in the darkness, and I hope Jamie will stay behind to talk to me. There’s so much to say – starting with a proper apology from me, for everything, including the stuff I don’t even understand.

But he doesn’t linger. Jamie heads right inside, straight to the front room. And before I can ask him to stay, the door is shut in my face.

19

The opposite of anxiety isn’t calm, it’s trust.That’s what Jamie said to me. Well, I certainly don’t trust him. I have woken up so, so angry. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. This has all exploded in my face. But now I’ve had time to think about it, I’m furious. How dare Jamie yell at me that way? He thinksI’veusedhim? What about him? I can’t help feeling that the seeds for tonight were all sown last Christmas, and it would have been better to leave it well alone. Nobody cares about me and Jamie, except for Laurie. But like Alex says, why does he get a say? It’s all so toxic.

Hope

You okay, pal?

Me

I guess

I just … well, it’s embarrassing

I feel embarrassed

Hope

What have you got to be embarrassed by?

Me

I don’t know – having this stupid ‘exposure therapy’ plan in the first place? Look where it got me! There’s a burnt-down building and Jamie isn’t speaking to me

Hope

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