Page 86 of Enemies to Lovers

‘It’s none of our business,’ Alex insists. ‘And he’s nota bad guy, is he? He’s your best friend – surely if he’s good enough for you, he’s good enough for Flo?’

Laurie looks at him, but quickly averts his eyes.

‘It’s not that,’ Laurie insists, pulling out another piece of paper from the notebook. On it, he writes exactly the same thing:I’m so sorry.I have led you on. I am not good for you. Please forgive me, and let’s not speak of this again …

He signs it,Flo, and after it is folded, he puts Jamie’s name on the front.

‘So he thinks she’s bailed, and she’s going to think he’s bailed?’ Alex asks.

‘I’m not a bad person,’ Laurie says. ‘It’s just … he’s still in a bad way, you know? After his parents? And Flo is still healing. At one point or another these past few years I thought I was going to lose both of them. It’s been awful. So fuckinghorrible. You can’t let two broken people get together and expect them to make one another whole. This isn’t a fairy tale, Al. It’s real life! I’m trying to live as a married man, trying to become a father. I can’t look after Jamie, and after Flo, when it doesn’t work out. They coulddestroyeach other, surely you see that. And then what? Jamie isfamilynow. It will ruin everything. And they’ll get over it. He’s got a lead on a sailing job, and Flo lives in Scotland. They need time to fall for other people and forget about each other.’

‘I see your point,’ says Alex. ‘But I’m backing away now. I’m going to pretend I’ve seen nothing, if I can’t stop you.’

‘You can’t,’ replies Laurie.

Alex steps out of the living room and creaks away upstairs, and Laurie holds the letters in his hand, the fire blazing wildly at his side. He could burn the things, let it all unfold as it may. But he can’t.It’s better this way, he thinks. He’s not a bad person. He’s doing this because he loves them.

21

‘You did that?’ I say, when Laurie has finished speaking. He nods, ashamed. He looks like he knows he’s messed up, realises this is so far beyond crossing the line that the line is now merely a dot on the horizon. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ I ask. I can barely process what he’s admitted. He forged the note I got from Jamie, and he gave Jamie one and signed it from me? ‘Laurie, seriously, oh my god. That ispsycho. Actually psychopathic. Are you KIDDING me? Jesus Christ! I egged Jamie’s freaking car because of you.’

Nobody else speaks. What is there to say? Actually, there’splentyfor me to say. I let everybody else look down at their lap and play with their drinks glass. They can listen as I make Laurie understand how insane he is.

‘Why would you interfere that way?’ I ask.

And I’m shouting loudly enough that Mum says, ‘Flo. By all means go ape on him, but can you turn the volume down to three instead of ten, please? You’re ruining other people’s lunches.’

I look around us – customers at a few tables are craning their necks to see what’s going on, but they snapback to their own lunch companions when I catch their eyes.

I take a breath. I can’t go and find Jamie with half the story: I want to know itall.

‘Jamie said he once promised you he wouldn’t go near me,’ I say. ‘When was that?’

Laurie shakes his head, opening his mouth to speak and then snapping it shut again like a fish.

‘I deserve answers,’ I warn him. ‘When?’

‘A couple of times,’ Laurie answers. ‘Maybe when he first came home with me, when you initially met. And then after Mum and Dad’s big anniversary party. I thought I was doing the right thing,’ he goes on. ‘I’m your big brother, and you don’t know Jamie like I do. He used to be a player. He slept witheveryone. And so I told him you’d better not be one of them.’

I nod my head. ‘Well, that’s one thing,’ I say. ‘But making us both think the other wasn’t interested when we had already …’

Laurie looks up. ‘What?’ he says.

‘Started falling,’ I tell him.

Laurie considers this and – fair play to him – does look distraught. ‘I didn’t know you felt that way, that deeply,’ he says.

‘It’s none of your business, either way,’ I tell him. ‘I need to hear you say you understand that, Laurie. You can’t interfere in other people’s lives this way. Not in my life, not in Jamie’s. And whatever happens next, Jamie needs to know that you’re there for him.’ Laurienods. ‘Although, god knows, if he decides not to forgive you, nobody could blame him.’

I can tell that stings, because Laurie winces like it hurts to hear.

‘We are supposed to be his family, and we’ve let him down. You’ve let him down by doing this, and I’ve let him down by … Well,’ I settle on, ‘I’ve let him down in my own way, too.’

‘I’m sure you haven’t, darling,’ Dad says. ‘You’ll make it right.’

‘And we can all rally around, ask Jamie to stay for the last few nights of the holiday,’ Mum nods. ‘Wearea family – Jamie included – and family messes up sometimes. Family also has to forgive sometimes …’

Alex squeezes my arm. ‘I think Laurie’s sorrier than he looks,’ he says in a stage-whisper, and I’m too mad to laugh at him, but I give him a look that lets him know I get it, I can lay off Laurie now.

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