Page 17 of Love at First Sight

I hand him a bag with a satsuma and a cream cheese sandwich as we meander to the bus stop. ‘It was good, thank you for asking,’ I say. ‘I had breakfast with my dad, so that was nice.’

‘Don’t you have breakfast with your dad every day?’ Henry asks, peeling the satsuma and passing me the discarded peel.

‘I live by myself, remember?’ I remind him. ‘When you get to my age, you don’t live with your grown-up any more. But you still get to see them loads.’

‘I’m going to live with Mummy forever,’ Henry tells me. ‘Because she makes good spaghetti bolognese.’

‘That’s a great reason to live with somebody forever,’ I say. ‘My dad can’t really cook. He used to make very good toast, though.’

‘I don’t like toast that is too brown at the edges,’ Henry says. ‘But I don’t like hot bread, either. It’s really easy to burn toast. You have to have the toaster on the exact right setting or else it’s not good and you have to put it in the bin and start again.’

‘Or save the bread for the ducks,’ I suggest, leaning against the red bench of the bus stop and noting our three-minute wait on the departure board.

‘You can’t feed ducks bread!’ Henry shouts, horrified at the thought. ‘It makes their stomach explode! You have to feed them peas!’

‘Peas?’ I say. I really try never to outwardly doubt anything Henry tells me, because I hate when people assume kids are stupid and all adults know better. It’s not my place to ever make a small person feel less intelligent. That said, feeding peas to ducks? It doesn’t track with me.

‘Mrs Harrington told us. They need the fibre. It’s the healthy choice for them.’

‘Interesting,’ I say. ‘Now. I’m not saying Mrs Harrington is wrong, but I am just going to verify this with Google.’

‘What’sverify?’

‘Double-check.’

Henry nods. ‘Let me do it,’ he says, taking my phone off me and holding down a button to activate Siri. ‘Siri,’ he says, careful to enunciate clearly. ‘Can you feed ducks peas?’

The bus arrives just as Siri confirms that I am an idiot, peas are the preferred food for ducks, and bread is indeed the worst thing you can give them.

‘I love that you teach me things,’ I tell Henry, settling into a seat on the top deck. ‘It’s pretty cool that you know so much.’

‘Did you know Mummy’s boyfriend is coming for tea tonight?’ he says, by way of reply.

‘I did not,’ I say, intrigued by this turn of events. ‘Your mummy didn’t mention that to me.’ Henry nods his confirmation as I think:Typical Ali. ‘Are you excited?’

Henry does this thing when he wants you to think one thing, but another thing might be true. He nods very quickly but doesn’t make eye contact. And that is exactly what he does right now.

‘Do you maybe feel a bit nervous too?’ I probe. ‘Or a funny feeling you can’t describe?’

Henry doesn’t say anything. He looks out of the window, but I can tell he’s listening.

‘After my mum moved to Australia and I stayed here with my dad,’ I say, ‘I felt all mixed up inside. A bit likewhen your mummy and daddy decided to live in different houses. That was a big change, wasn’t it? But you did so well. You talked all about your feelings, and let us help you, didn’t you, and I remember thinking,What a clever boy. There’s lots of people who can’t talk about their feelings, you know, but you can! It’s amazing!’ Henry’s eyes move away from the passing street below and focus more in my direction. ‘The thing is, when it comes to talking about feelings, most people think you can only have one feeling at a time. Most people think you can be just excited, or just scared, or just happy. But do you know what I think? I think it’s more complicated than that. I think you can feel more than one feeling at the exact same time. Which means it can be confusing! But you know you can feel excited with a bit of scared, or half nervous, half happy. Or even half happy, half sad.’ I let that notion land before I add, ‘Have you ever felt more than one feeling at the same time?’

Henry nods, slowly.

‘Excited and scared,’ he says.

‘About tonight?’ I ask, gently.

‘Yeah.’

‘Hmmm,’ I muse. ‘Well, that proves that I’m right: some people can have more than one feeling at once. Do you think you might know what bit you’re excited for and what bit you’re scared for?’

‘I’m excited because I’ve never met Vinnie before and he might bring me a toy,’ Henry says. ‘And I’m scared because I’ve never met him before and he might be nasty.’

‘Hmmm,’ I muse again. ‘Has Mummy got nasty friends?’

‘No,’ Henry says. ‘Mummy’s friends are nice.’

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